the girl with the dragon tattoo

Horror Headlines: Friday, August 24th, 2012

I'm sorry I left you. To be 100% honest I'm probably going to do it again really soon. Don't you wish you could quit me?

"The Maze Runner" is a new sci-fi flick about a group of men who live inside an enclosed area with monsters lurking about outside. I know I'm already confused. Originally attached to "Twilight" director Catherine Hardwicke, word has come down that Wes Ball, who I assume was harassed pretty severely in school with a name like that, has been put in the director's chair for the project. I mean "ball", right? He kind of deserved whatever he got.

I've pretty much run out of jokes to pair with news about the upcoming NBC series "Hannibal" so I'm just going to come out and tell you that Hettienne Park has been added to the cast of the show as someone's love interest. I'm not sure whose. Not mine I know that for sure. She seems nice and all don't get me wrong. Just not my type. You don't know me!

The "Maniac" remake staring Elijah Wood seemed to be confirmed, cast and filmed in a matter of about 3 weeks and now it looks like IFC Midnight has picked up the film for distribution. No word on a release date yet but if things go as planned I assume it'll hit VOD sometime this afternoon.

I still haven't seen "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" but according to everyone I need to see it, and I need to see the original, and I need to read the books, and I need to drop a few pounds. It's a lot to take in. Well the disappointment that I'll probably just continue to get fatter will be coupled with the news that the US remake's sequel, "The Girl Who Played With Fire", will not be released till sometime in 2014. No real surprise there since we haven't heard jack squat about the second film moving along any time soon. So this gives me a lot of time to do none of the things I talked about earlier.

In Real People News: 

Now I know you can't drive and talk on the phone anymore but I have to say I've never heard of a law that says you can't drive around giving oral to a dildo while shoving a vibrator up your back side. I mean I had never heard of a law saying you can't do that until this guy from Minnesota got picked up doing just that. Way to ruin it for the rest of us buddy.

Cross country flights can be really boring. What the hell are you going to do on a 37 hour flight from New Jersey to Arizona (my time might be off)? Well I guess this one gentlemen had already seen the in flight movie because he opted to fondle the woman sitting next to him. For his sake I hope they don't edit the movies they show in prison too. That's just annoying.

Sophisticult Cinema Episode 7: "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

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Is Rooney Mara sufficiently Goth for this film? The Jo(h)ns discuss.

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

If you're super excited about "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" then I bet you also love The Cure. I'm just guessing here. So make sure there's no guyliner in your way because there's a bunch of new photos on the tubes for the flick that hits theaters on December 21st. Try not to cry too much.

Wait, "The Wicker Tree" hasn't come out already? Color me surprised! Apparently it doesn't hit theaters until January 27th and to prove it here's a new poster for the Americans trapped on an island with a bunch of crazy Scotts flick. I don't know how the poster proves the movie hasn't come out yet actually. Sometimes I just make this crap up as I go along.

I feel like it was just last week that we discussed Elijah Wood landing the lead role in the upcoming remake of the 1980 slasher classic "Maniac". I think it was last week actually. 2 weeks tops. Where has time gone! Anyway there's already some images out and about of Mr. Wood (teehee) playing the part. Look at them. Love them.

I don't know what it is but Steven Soderbergh always makes me hungry for a sandwich. I've probably used that joke before. Lately I've questioned every joke I make on here. But the point here is Soderbergh has confirmed his next project will be a mind f'er dealing with drugs currently titled "The Bitter Pill". I don't even know who I am anymore.

In Real People News: 

Everyone loves a good joke. Unless of course that joke is "I have AIDS" after you just had unprotected sex with someone. That one isn't so funny. In fact this DC man thought it was so not funny that he shot the girl who made the joke. I guess you could say... that joke really kills. hahah get it!?

Watching child pornography is illegal no matter where you do it. Even if you're on a plane and thousands of miles above the earth. I didn't think people had to be told that.

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 29th, 2011

A new Dutch slasher flick titled "Saint Nick" has been given a DVD release date of December 20th, which is just in time for your holiday shopping. The film tells the tale of St. Niklas, shocking I know, a bishop gone bad who is murdered by a group of villagers and now comes back to haunt them every 36 years. And when I say he haunts them I mean he gives them crappy sweaters and tube socks. I assume.

I don't care how feminine Felissa Rose dresses she will always be the "girl" from "Sleepaway Camp" who turns out to have a penis. Man parts or not though she's starring in a new flick titled "Primal" where she plays a girl haunted by the unexplained death of her mother 15 years ago. 15 years ago from when the movie takes place. Not from today. Unless the movie takes place today, as in right now. Am I being filmed? Who are all these camera guys and why are they following me?!

Spike Lee is eyeing "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" star Rooney Mara for his American remake of the Korean film "Oldboy". I've never seen the original but I assume she won't be playing a boy who gets old. Ya know because she's a girl and all. Although she does look kind of like a man in the pictures I've seen of her in the dragon tramp stamp flick. Oh god I'm so confused. Does "Oldboy" take place at a summer camp?

Man oh man, "Paranormal Activity 3" has me mildly excited! Peep the new trailer my friends. No killer pool cleaners here. It's all creepy kids and angry demons up in this mofo. Alright there might be a pool cleaner somewhere. But if it is there it's going to be bad ass.

In Real People News: 

Mother of god what is wrong with this guy?! An Iowa City womean is under arrest after she ripped off the door to her boyfriend's house and beat the living hell out of him. Her reason? She wanted some lovin. Just put out, man. Just freakin put out.

Speaking of sweet lovin'... Here's a heartwarming story about 2 teenagers who where busted for underage drinking by a couple of cops. When asked where their parent was the teenagers pointed to a nearby parked car. Inside said car their mother was making dirty time with their 15 year old friend. Probably because he didn't want his front door messed up.

Horror Headlines: Thursday August 18th, 2011

Franck Khalfoun, who directed "P2" and apparently loves fedoras is being eyeballed to direct the remake of the much loved 1980 classic "Maniac". For those of you who are not up to date on the film it follows a serial killer who takes out his mommy issues on a bunch of women in NYC. Who can't relate to that.

Charisma Carpenter, who has no porn credits but I'm convinced has done them is teaming up with none other than Mr. Danny Trejo to star in a new Syfy original movie titled "Haunted High". The movie focuses on a High School that's being terrorized by a demon head master. Carpenter will play a hot teacher I assume, and I can't say what it I think Trejo will play because it would be racist. But it rhymes with "manitor".

I have no idea what "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" is about but everyone and their mother seems to be gaga over the books and excited about the movies. Now here's the first still from the film and I can officially confirm that I have no desire to know anything about this movie or book because I assume it's about crack whores with stupid face piercings I can not support that. If you do you hate freedom and apple pie.

Scott Ian is a guy you know from every shitty VH1 show where they reminisce about some crappy decade but may be surprised to know is actually in a band called Anthrax. Well now Scott's also a full fledged zombie because he's been transformed for "The Walking Dead" web series. He sounds really excited about it and blogged the crap about his experience with pics to boot so enjoy. Am I the only one who only liked John Bush era Anthrax? I can't be. Joey Belladonna's perm makes me uncomfortable.

In Real People News: 

Cops in Texas have arrested a man who reportedly broke into a woman's apartment and tried to eat her because he is a 500 year old vampire. Sounds insane I know but if it turns out he is a 500 year old vampire do you think they'll release him? I think they should.

Mother of a god. A registered sex offender is under arrest after he was reportedly punching women in their genitals at a Disney World Wave Pool. The happiest place on earth is nowhere to be punching genitals. That's just wrong. You take that kind of crap to Universal Studios where it belongs.

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