primal

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 29th, 2011

A new Dutch slasher flick titled "Saint Nick" has been given a DVD release date of December 20th, which is just in time for your holiday shopping. The film tells the tale of St. Niklas, shocking I know, a bishop gone bad who is murdered by a group of villagers and now comes back to haunt them every 36 years. And when I say he haunts them I mean he gives them crappy sweaters and tube socks. I assume.

I don't care how feminine Felissa Rose dresses she will always be the "girl" from "Sleepaway Camp" who turns out to have a penis. Man parts or not though she's starring in a new flick titled "Primal" where she plays a girl haunted by the unexplained death of her mother 15 years ago. 15 years ago from when the movie takes place. Not from today. Unless the movie takes place today, as in right now. Am I being filmed? Who are all these camera guys and why are they following me?!

Spike Lee is eyeing "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" star Rooney Mara for his American remake of the Korean film "Oldboy". I've never seen the original but I assume she won't be playing a boy who gets old. Ya know because she's a girl and all. Although she does look kind of like a man in the pictures I've seen of her in the dragon tramp stamp flick. Oh god I'm so confused. Does "Oldboy" take place at a summer camp?

Man oh man, "Paranormal Activity 3" has me mildly excited! Peep the new trailer my friends. No killer pool cleaners here. It's all creepy kids and angry demons up in this mofo. Alright there might be a pool cleaner somewhere. But if it is there it's going to be bad ass.

In Real People News: 

Mother of god what is wrong with this guy?! An Iowa City womean is under arrest after she ripped off the door to her boyfriend's house and beat the living hell out of him. Her reason? She wanted some lovin. Just put out, man. Just freakin put out.

Speaking of sweet lovin'... Here's a heartwarming story about 2 teenagers who where busted for underage drinking by a couple of cops. When asked where their parent was the teenagers pointed to a nearby parked car. Inside said car their mother was making dirty time with their 15 year old friend. Probably because he didn't want his front door messed up.

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