twilight

Horror Headlines: Tuesday September 17th, 2013

In case you're wondering wedding specials are where I draw the line of which Real Housewives shows I will watch. Just to put all the rumors to rest.

Remember when I told you that Jen and Sylvia Soska would be directing "See No Evil 2", the sequel to the 2006 direct to video flick starring the WWE's Kane? No I didn't think you would but I felt like i should ask anyway. Well they are, and now it looks like the first two ladies to be cast in the project are none other than Danielle Harris and Katharine Isabelle. I have no idea what the first one was about but this one apparently follows the same killer from the first as he stalks a group of medical students. Or something. Who cares really. Maybe the two of them will kiss or something.

Christian Serratos, who you probably remember from "Twilight", is the latest name to be added to the upcoming fourth season of "The Walking Dead". She'll play Rosita Espinosa (Muy caliente!) a survivor who runs into our merry gang of zombie killers. Just kidding, if you remember her from "Twilight" then you're a loser and you like loser things! Just kidding again, team Jacob 4 life.

The "Terminator" reboot will be released into theaters on Wednesday, July 1, 2015. Because weekends are for pricks.

"Insidious 3" has been confirmed to be happening now that "Insidious: Chapter 2" pulled in $41 million this past weekend. Leigh Whannell will once again pen the script but no word on if James Wan will once again return to direct. One thing is for sure though, I will most likely come up with a half assed excuse as to why I can't see it for the podcast. No, but seriously, I had a lot crap going on this weekend. You don't know me!

In Real People News: 

Apparently now it's illegal to bring a ferret into restaurants in Arizona. Let me be clear, a few days ago this was not illegal but now, now it is illegal to bring a ferret into restaurants in Arizona. Just so we're all on the same page here.

A lot of people having the ungodly feeling that made they've made a giant mistake after they get married. This woman in Montana had that feeling. Of course most people get over that feeling. She went another direction and pushed her husband off a cliff. I guess we all cope in our own ways though.

Last Kind Words (REVIEW)

I guess I need to learn to pay better attention to what I'm renting because I grabbed "Last Kind Words" while I was in a hurry, and from glancing at the box, it wasn't quite what I expected. I was pretty interested when I saw Brad Dourif (Rob Zombie's "Halloween," and "Halloween 2," etc) was in a movie about someone who finds corpses hanging in their woods at night. Unfortunately, what I didn't realize that this wasn't really as much of a "horror" movie, as much as it is another "Twilight"-esque teenage romance set within a horror movie framework.

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 21st, 2013

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I don't get why people go ape shit for David Cronenberg's "Scanners". Yeah a guy's head explodes but that's within the first 15 minutes of the movie. Then there's another 167 (rough guess) of talking to sit through. None the less the 1981 film is finding its way onto a special edition Blu-Ray on April 8, 2013 and will be packaged with all kinds of special features for you to enjoy. Enjoy them as much as 647 minutes (rough guess) of people talking about something I don't honestly remember.

Apparently the Guillermo del Toro produced flick "Mama" did pretty well at the box office because not only is it being considered for a sequel but possibly even a franchise. I like to think there could even be spin offs in the future. "Dada" for instance. And then of course the wacky "Uncle Buck". Didn't see that coming did you.

The little screens adaptation of Stephen King's "Under the Dome" has landed itself Rachelle Lefevre as it's leading lady. For those of you not familiar with her work she was in one, and possibly all, of the "Twilight" movies so that makes her a big time movie screen person. That's a thing, I know it.

Remember Orlando Jones? He was in those Sprite commercials and then that movie with the guy from "X-Files" where aliens invade and then he was the weird hologram guy in "The Time Machine". I know I love him too. And now he's been cast in "Sleepy Hollow", a new show coming to Fox which is said to be a modern day take on the classic tale. I'm not joking either. I really do like him. I think he's super.

In Real People News: 

Valentine’s Day is a special day. It's a day when passions are high. So if you get into a fight with your loved one on that day it's pretty much a given that your tongue is going to get bitten off. Thank god that awful day is over.

Did you hear that scream? That's right, that's your neighbor coming home and finding her husband with another woman and then throwing boiling water at his crotch. I thought that was kind of obvious though.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 15th, 2012

"Twilight" producer, AKA chief glitter consultant, Mark Morgan has just lined up a big screen adaptation of the graphic novel "Head Smash". as his next project. The book with pictures tells the tale of a man who discoveries a serum that gives him super powers and uses it to take revenge on a crime circle that betrayed him. The glitter thing was the only "Twilight" joke I know.

Dave Kajganich, of "Blood Creek" fame, has been tapped by the folks over at Universal to write the script for the upcoming remake of "The Creature From the Black Lagoon". This can't turn out any worse than the "Wolfman" remake so let's keep our chins up on this one. Or not. Honestly I just ate some cookies from a Chinese restaurant and my mouth is numb. I'm kind of worried.

Ethan Hawke's award winning personality helped "Sinister" pull in a respectable $18.3 million this past weekend. Not a ground breaking number but when you consider the flick was only made for $3 million than you start to feel some baby quakes. That may also be these cookies though. I can't see out of my left eye.

The first still from "The Evil Dead" reboot has hit the tubes fresh off a hot unveiling at this past weekend NYC Comic-Con. Not going to lie, it's pretty freaking creepy. I also can't lie about the fact that there's some sort of weird film on my teeth now and brushing doesn't seem to do anything.

In Real People News: 

And a giant eyeball washed up on a beach in Florida. Probably the most normal thing that happened in Florida all weekend.

Wow, you can go to jail for 10 years for returning used enemas to a CVS? I mean alright I guess if you pretend they haven't been used and they get restocked some real awful stuff can happen. But you got to assume the folks at Walgreens would just give you a slap on the wrist.

Horror Headlines: Friday, August 24th, 2012

I'm sorry I left you. To be 100% honest I'm probably going to do it again really soon. Don't you wish you could quit me?

"The Maze Runner" is a new sci-fi flick about a group of men who live inside an enclosed area with monsters lurking about outside. I know I'm already confused. Originally attached to "Twilight" director Catherine Hardwicke, word has come down that Wes Ball, who I assume was harassed pretty severely in school with a name like that, has been put in the director's chair for the project. I mean "ball", right? He kind of deserved whatever he got.

I've pretty much run out of jokes to pair with news about the upcoming NBC series "Hannibal" so I'm just going to come out and tell you that Hettienne Park has been added to the cast of the show as someone's love interest. I'm not sure whose. Not mine I know that for sure. She seems nice and all don't get me wrong. Just not my type. You don't know me!

The "Maniac" remake staring Elijah Wood seemed to be confirmed, cast and filmed in a matter of about 3 weeks and now it looks like IFC Midnight has picked up the film for distribution. No word on a release date yet but if things go as planned I assume it'll hit VOD sometime this afternoon.

I still haven't seen "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" but according to everyone I need to see it, and I need to see the original, and I need to read the books, and I need to drop a few pounds. It's a lot to take in. Well the disappointment that I'll probably just continue to get fatter will be coupled with the news that the US remake's sequel, "The Girl Who Played With Fire", will not be released till sometime in 2014. No real surprise there since we haven't heard jack squat about the second film moving along any time soon. So this gives me a lot of time to do none of the things I talked about earlier.

In Real People News: 

Now I know you can't drive and talk on the phone anymore but I have to say I've never heard of a law that says you can't drive around giving oral to a dildo while shoving a vibrator up your back side. I mean I had never heard of a law saying you can't do that until this guy from Minnesota got picked up doing just that. Way to ruin it for the rest of us buddy.

Cross country flights can be really boring. What the hell are you going to do on a 37 hour flight from New Jersey to Arizona (my time might be off)? Well I guess this one gentlemen had already seen the in flight movie because he opted to fondle the woman sitting next to him. For his sake I hope they don't edit the movies they show in prison too. That's just annoying.

Sophisticult Cinema Episode 11: "The Hunger Games"

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The Sophisticult gang and guest star Casey Criswell break down "The Hunger Games" adaptation.

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Horror Headlines: Thursday, January 19th, 2012

I have no idea who Andrea Osvart is but from what I understand she gets acting roles because she is Hungarian and hot. Two things I will never be and that depresses me on a daily basis. So she's been cast in the new Eli Roth produced flick titled "Aftershock", a new film about the aftermath of a Chilean earthquake. Or an earthquake in Chile that is. Earthquakes don't have nationalities. I don't think so anyway. They don't talk and I have no idea what a Chilean accent sounds like so let's just move on.

Christopher Heyerdahl is apparently a guy who played a vampire in the "Twilight" films and now he's signed on to play a vampire in the HBO series "True Blood". The difference here is he's not going to sparkle so you see he's very versatile. I can already hear the direction he must be taking on the set. Alright Chris that was great, but I kind of felt like you were sparkling in that one. Can we try it again but this time, and I can't stress this enough, try not to act all sparkly?".

Liv Tyler has been confirmed to be taking the lead role in the next Ti West flick, currently titled "The Side Effect". Tyler will play woman who spends months as a part of a experimental subject for a global pharmaceutical company who finds out she's pregnant. Then she freaks out or something. I don't know I assume the movie will be 2 hours and the important crap will finally happen at around the 1:50 mark.

If you wanted to read the script for "Deadgirl 2" that will never be turned into an actual movie then I've got some exciting news for you. Scribe Trent Haaga has posted his would be sequel's script up on his blog for all to enjoy. If you're interested I've also got a script for "The Godfather 4" that I wrote a few years back when I had some downtime. It's all handwritten on bar napkins, but it's pretty awesome. I think. Honestly it has a lot of it has beer stains on it.

In Real People News: 

Dogs love toys.That's a fact. Even if that new toy happens to be a severed head that the dog found under the famous Hollywood sign in California. Inventive, you have to appreciate the dog's creativity.

I've never really understood people that get so excited about sports that they break crap. Running around like maniacs punching the wall because their team didn't score or their QB got arrested for forcing himself on a pit bull or something. And for the life I've me I don't understand this guy in Georigia who got so excited about the 49er's scoring a touch down that he decided to shoot up Applebee’s. Sports is no reason to ruin everyone's riblettes experience.

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 6th, 2011

The good people at Summit Entertainment have picked up the rights to a big screen adaptation of Laura Whitcomb's "A Certain Slant Of Light". The film will be called "In the Flesh" and focuses on a spirit who has trouble moving on and finds love while bouncing around in limbo. Or something like that. The producers of "Twilight" are involved, that's all you need to know.

I'm not going to lie. Some days writing the new is kind of boring. Today my friends is not one of those days though. Because today we have the trailer for "Gingerclown 3D", a new horror comedy set in the mid 80's that includes none other than Mr. Tim Curry and Michael Winslow in its cast. Michael Winslow, the guy who made all the cool noises from the "Police Academy" movies. Now you're excited, aren't you? The rest of the news is really going to be a let down for you now.

Fans of Scott Spiegel, and who isn't, will be excited to know that his 1989 classic(?) "Intruder" will finally(?) be getting the Blu-Ray treatment on December 13th. The slasher that takes place in a supermarket will be packed with all kinds of goodies like audio commentary, making of featurette and cast audition tapes. Not going to lie I have never seen or heard of this film. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore.

If there's one thing porn stars can't do it's act but 20 seconds into the trailer for "Blood Lodge" which stars Jasmin St. Clair there's two girls making out so I'm going to allow this. I think some of them become zombies. In short a bunch of people go on a ski trip, screw and then get killed. That about covers it. But seriously, two girls making out.

In Real People News: 

If you're a gal out on the town looking to sexually assault a 13 year old boy what better way to alert of him of your intentions then by slipping a little lover letter into his burrito. That's not a euphemism, she really put a note in his burrito.

Oh boy, have we not learned anything from the Casey Anthony trial? This family who Googled "how to kill old people" before attempting to murder their grandfather apparently didn't. For shame.

Red Riding Hood (REVIEW)

"Red Riding Hood's" Amanda Seyfried and grandmother

Depending on how you look at these things, "Twilight" was either the best or the worst thing to ever happend to director Catherine Hardwicke. On the one hand, it's "Twilight," pretty much synonymous with printing money at this point.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 7th, 2011

Danny Boyle is supposedly being courted to direct a new werewolf flick set int LA called "Sharp Teeth". I assume this is because werewolves have teeth that are sharp and they will present them in a menacing fashion in the movie. That's the best I got folks, the Superbowl was last night, it's a slow day.

The producers who brought you "Twilight" have already picked up a new book trilogy called "Legend". The series will follow a young bugger called Day and his happenings as the country's most wanted criminal. It will also be a series of really awful films. Get excited.

All the world is giddy over the trailer for Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams's "Super 8" that showed last night at the Super Bowl despite that fact that I have no idea what the hell is going on in it. I think there might be aliens who hate trains or cameras or I have no freakin clue. I can't wait for this one.

A new poster and synopsis for Paul Schrader's "The Jesuit" is now online and I have to admit I was way more excited about this one when I thought this was made by the guy who leads David Letterman's band. It does however feature Willem Dafoe, Paz Vega, Michelle Rodriguez and child kidnapping. So that's something to get excited about.

In Real People News: 

Here's a sad story about a 13 year old girl who had to call the cops after her mother went on a four day bender. This will be even sadder when I look back on it when my child is 13 and has to do the same for me. History, it's stupid.

Here's a fun one, a 35 year old man in California was fatally cut by a cock when the illegal cock fight he was attending was busted by cops. Apparently roosters have sharp nasty little daggers shooting out the back of their feet and they can really mess you up if you get stabbed with them. Good to know!

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