I could have sworn this happened about a week after "Rise Of the Planet Of the Apes" was released but the folks over at Fox have officially announced a sequel. They also went on to announce that this Summer's Olympics will be held in London and that I will be spending the 4th of July passed out drunk next to a kiddie pool while my daughter cries.
Walking dead writer Scott Gimple has been thrust into the script writing roll for a new Sci-Fi flick titled "Prosthesis" by the folks over at Universal. There's not much in the way of details yet on this one so let me take this time to comment on how pissed I am that Universal Orlando closed the "Jaws" attraction. Sure it was kind of outdated but still... freakin Jaws.
2011's little horror movie that could "Grave Encounters" has gotten quite the following in the hor-nerd cirlces so everyone get out your tallywacker because "Grave Encounters 2" is on its way. The plot of this one will focus on a group of students who break into the hospital from the first film only to find that the footage they saw was all too real. It's a movie inside a movie. Like a turducken but with less meat.
Chloe Sevigny, the fun gal from "Big Love" and all those creepy movies that came from the guy who did "Kids" has been confirmed for the cast of "American Horror Story" season 2. She'll be playing Shelly the Nymphomaniac. I'll be playing the guy who's desperately trying not to remember that scene from "The Brown Bunny" where she goes down on Vincent Gallo. It's so graphic.
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This guy in Tennessee has got it all figured out and we could learn a thing or twofrom him. The lesson he's taught us is if you're stumbling around the interstate and a cop pulls up you 100% have to ask the officer if he's Jesus before stealing his car. You don't want to steal a cop car and then find out later it was actually Jesus. That's bad karma.
I bought my first grill yesterday and now officially declared myself a man at the ripe age of 34. This weekend I look forward to burning my first house down.
No one likes the French. Nobody. So news that French actress Lizzie Brochere has joined the cast of season 2 of "American Horror Story" is bitter sweet. Bitter, because she's French and sweet because... I can't really think of anything actually. Croissants are pretty good. Let's go with that.
Woman hate Angelina Jolie because she seems like a jerk and she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and while some won't admit it every man on earth loves her for the same reason. I'm done lying! So the world will love/hate the news that she's in talks to play a small role in the upcoming Ridley Scott film "The Counselor". The film is about a big time lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results. Have you seen her tattoos? She's probably a lot more fun than Aniston. You can't argue science.
Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the magical comic book "The Walking Dead" has landed himself another AMC show titled "Thief of Thieves". Based on the comic of the same name the story focuses on a master thief who trying to reconnect with his estranged wife and son while trying to keep his life legit. That's the first season. In the second season not much happens and everyone on the internet bitches about it. Just a guess.
Uwe Boll has set his eyes on freedom with his next project. The film is called "Bailout" and will set its sights on how the economic crisis has affected the average American family. I think this sounds great. mostly because that guy could kick my ass in a boxing match.
Ever since season 2 of "The Walking Dead" picked back up I've been giddy with excitement over all the happenings with our band of zombie killers. And with news today that British actor David Morrissey will be joining the cast in season 3 as "The Governor", the leader of a group of survivors that the run into Rick and the gang, well I'm just skipping around. Alright honestly I don't even know who this guy but this is the best you're going to get today. Don't forget to tip your waiter.
Christian Bale has been confirmed to be taking the lead role in a new revenge flick from "Crazy Heart" director Scott Cooper titled "Out of the Furnace". The film is set in 1986 Indiana and Bale will play a former prisoner who finds out his brother has been murdered while he was locked up. I smell prison shower scene! Not literally, I don't know what that would actually smell like. Awful I bet.
I've lost track of what's actually going on with the "Robocop" remake but it looks like "The Killing" star Joel Kinnaman has received an offer from MGM to take on the lead role of Alex Murphy, the cop turned robot.. or Robocop as you might call him. Seriously, didn't Colin Farrell already take the role? What the hell is going on here. Where am I!?
I didn't want to talk about this because I feel like there's a new casting update every day for some new horror show but here goes. Dave Annable has joined the cast of "666 Park Avenue." Please update your score cards.
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A SWAT team in Florida spent over 8 hours this past Sunday in a heated stand off with a 75 year old man they thought had barricaded himself in his house. Of course heated in this case means the guy was actually just fast asleep from a mixture of alcohol and sleeping pills but it's Florida, they use different terms down there.
This guy in Florida isn't just your average run of the mill public masturbater. No he makes weird animal noises in the bushes to attract people while he's doing it. Of course if you walk over to a bush because there's weird animal noises coming from it you should probably get bit by an animal so seeing a guy go to town on himself might not be that bad.
Billy Crystal really is the worst person in the world. I don't need to explain it to you and 'Eff you for questioning me.
Get excited folks because the first three minutes of the next episode of "The Walking Dead" which comes to the boob tube on February 12th have hit the nets. I'm not going to watch it because I hate seeing the first few minutes of anything and not getting to watch the rest so please don't ruin it for me. Does someone get killed? Oh god don't tell me. Ok tell me. No don't!
Zach Galligan is pretty dreamy huh? Sometimes I just put on "Gremlins" and spend my afternoon day dreaming about what it would be like to have an apartment with him. I think I've said too much. Moving on. The movie "Nightbeats", in which he stars as a father trying to reconnect with his on a camping trip that gets ruined by Sasquatch, has finally been picked up for distribution by Wonderphil Productions. No word yet on when it'll see the light of day but I'm going to start looking for apartments anyway.
What would Bryan Bertino do if he was here right now? I'm sure he'd direct a film or two, cause that's what Bryan Bertino would do. When Bryan Bertino directed "The Strangers" we all though it was pretty cool. Now he's directing a found footage flick called "Mockingbird" about a couple who receive strict instructions on a video recording they must make or someone will die. Alright I lost it there, but we really had something for a couple lines didn't we?
Vampire love, it's what's for dinner. And it looks like Tom Hiddleston is stepping up for a big helping of it because he's joined the cast of Jim Jarmusch's "Only Lovers Left Alive". The cast already includes Michael Fassbender, Tilda Swinton and John Hurt and focuses on two vampires who have been in love for centuries. This sounds like the worst movie ever made.
We're just a little over a week away from "The Woman In Black" hitting theaters and I for one am a little damp between the legs about the entire thing. And this new clip from the film has got my river flowing at full throttle this morning. All kinds of creepy toys and lights going out. Oh man it's damp. This is without a doubt the most disgusting thing I've ever written.
The continuation of the second season of AMC's "The Walking Dead" is not too far off my friends and today we've got news that Aaron Munoz and Michael Raymond James will be joining our band of marry travelers. Right now both are being put on the books as "guest stars" so there's a good chance they're not going to be around long so enjoy them while you can. Perhaps with a nice bottle of Bordeaux.
Because of a sugar imbalance I fainted while watching "The Devil inside" so I'm not that impressed by this news but it looks like one movie goer hit the floor while watching a screening of "V/H/S", a new anthology flick from Ti West, Adam Wingard, David Bruckner and Glenn McQuaid. The happening took place during a midnight screening at the Sundance Film Fest so there's also a good chance whoever it was was some kind of sissy boy. He was all "oh I can't wait to get home and watch 'How I Met Your Mother' on DVR! hey is that blood? Uh oh I'm going down!".
Russell Brand has been confirmed for the cast of the upcoming haunted house comedy flick "The Hauntrepreneur". That guy sucks and so will this movie. That's the news.
Everyone's got different baby sitting styles but I'm pretty sure this woman in Washington who poured salt and detergent down a 4 week old child's throat because the baby was "evil" has the worst style I've ever heard of. Truth be told I haven't read a ton of parenting books though.
Not going to lie, I had just assumed the movie "11-11-11" was about a bunch of people hanging out and looking at their office calendars on the date. Turns out it's about it's about a guy who travels to Barcelona and starts to realize the date might be a warning sign for the end of the world. Or something. To be honest I'm not sure what the movie is about from the new trailer and I kind of like my idea better.
Good news for fans of "The Walking Dead"! AMC has renewed the show for a 3rd season. No word as to when they'll start filming the next season or when it'll air. My guess would be sometime in late 2014 based on how quickly they put out the second season. Let the countdown begin.
And I can't imagine anyone is surprised by this one but it's my journalistic duty to tell you that Paramount Pictures is currently scratching their heads trying to figure out what the story will be for "Paranormal Activity 4". Here's a suggestion, how about the ladies from the last 3 films all meet up in a strip club and audition for jobs? Oh and a demon breaks some glasses or something too.
And here's your first look at Scarlett Johansson as a alien disguised as an attractive woman in stone washed jeans who abducts hitchhikers in the new film "Under the Skin". If she was wearing a Poison t-shirt she would have been my dream girl when I was 13.
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I know old people get out of a lot of things just by saying they were confused but I'm not sure that's going to fly with this 87 year old Detroit man who was found to have 100 bricks of cocaine in his pickup truck. Then again I'm not sure what the cut off is for the excuse.
Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" finally hits the little screen this Sunday and to celebrate we've got a boat load of new stills from the show. There's all kinds of zombie bloody goodness and what looks like a dead lamb... or dog... or something. I'm 100% sure it's an animal of some sort. Might be a fox. Remember Samantha Fox? Man I had a crush on her when I was a kid. Good talk.
If you don't know who Brooke Lewis is then you should check out this interview our very own Tor conducted with her a few months back because she is delightful. She's also half naked a lot which is pretty wonderful. She also hands out 100 dollar bills at horror conventions to random people. Alright that last one is a lie but she is in a new horror/comedy with Kane Hodder called "Room and Board" which focuses on a hotel where the guests end up on the menu. Did I mention the half naked thing?
We're just a little over a week from when "Paranormal Activity 3" hits theaters and I continue to be optimistic about the flick. Face it, there's really nothing more frightening than small children. Now think about how frightening they are when you add in demons. Hey I just made a number 2 also. While I clean myself take a look at this new teaser. Maybe put on a some adult dippers first.
Well kids it looks like Leslie Vernon might get to give the fame thing another go after all. "Before The Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon" is finally getting some funding and all signs point to the green light flashing on production sometime in the near future. Little tip, maybe try changing your name. No one is going to respect a killer named Leslie. It's too feminine. Maybe try Butch or something more beefy.
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Not for nothing, but If you fall for the "door to door breast examination" trick then you probably deserve to have a creepy old guy in Florida grabbing your rack.
Pot brownies can be a lot of fun. But when they're served at a funeral and a bunch of elderly people eat them and have to be rushed to the hospital that's not fun. Well not fun for the elderly people. I bet it was fun for a few people at the funeral though. Old people getting all whacked out. Kind of sounds like a hoot.
Sasha Grey needs to stop trying to act and Jeremy Piven should have never started. There I said it. But here's a poster for their new film "I Melt With You", which also happens to be the title of a song that should have never been written. The film tells the story of a group of 40 something friends who reunite only to find they aren't so friendly anymore. Alright the song isn't that bad. I was just on a roll.
James D'Arcy is English and has a apostrophe in his name so he's probably really smart. He's also been added to the cast of "Cloud Atlas", a movie that tells 6 different stories set in a future/past post apocalyptic world. Seriously. I know I'm confused too. I hope Jamsey will come over with his silly accent and explain it all to me over a spot of tea.
New photos from season two of "The Walking Dead" are here! I'm still excited about the new season starting but honestly things don't look so bad for our group. They got a house, some cool guns to walk around and pose with and... a cross bow. Who the hell doesn't want a cross bow? Those damn hippies, that's who.
David Duchovny, why won't you love me. It's a song. I'm not that clever. That doesn't make it any less honest though. Anyway, David has replaced Andy Garcia in the new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" as the leader of a special Soviet operations leader. Upgrade! Not that I don't like Andy Garcia. I just don't LIKE HIM like him. We can be friends. That's cool with me.
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I'm all for women getting plastic surgery but don't try to go cheap my lady friends or you'll end up like this women who now has only one giant boob after her implant operation went a muck. Yes that one boob looks great but still, it's kind of weird.
They grow up so fast. It feels like just last week little Tommy was pooping his pants and now he's drinking his first beer bong. Of course he did just poop his pants because he's only a toddler but still. It's adorable.
If I had to list my favorite Afflecks in order of awesomeness Casey would for sure be in the top five. Think it over, I'll wait. Good, now that's your back I'd like to tell you about how Casey Affleck has now been cast in the new flick "Paradise Lost", an epic tale of archangels Michael and Lucifer battling it out and how this impacted the downfall of Adam and Eve. Affleck will play Gabriel and I'd appreciate it if someone who knows about bible stuff tells me if that's a good or a bad thing.
AMC has pulled the trigger on a new talk show that will air immediately following episodes of "The Walking Dead" this fall. The show will be called "The Talking Dead" (get it!?) and be hosted by comedian Chris Hardwick. The more projects this guy takes on the less hope I have for a "Love Line" reunion. Didn't you always want him and Jenny McCarthy to get together? But no that home wrecking tramp Carmen Electra had to come in and ruin it all. Curse you Electra!
Oh Tom Six, you sick sick SOB. Today we've got a new poster for his new film "The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)" which looks to be a lot more human centipedey than the first one. Which I don't think is a good thing but it's something for sure. I don't know what to believe anymore.
And because you needed to see something that would make you want to overdose on some sort of cool drug the kids are doing that I don't know about here's the first full cast image from "Dark Shadows". For those of you not familiar with the original show it's some kind of vampire soap opera where none of the vampires twinkle in the sunlight. I think it was British too. That's a lot to take in isn't it? That's what she said.
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I knew this kind of crap happens! Here's an optometrist who's being brought up on charges because he put his penis on a girl's mouth while putting in her eye drops. God only knows what the dentist did to me while I was having my wisdom teeth out. I'm pretty sure them telling me they had to remove them rectally was bull crap.
Oh all the portable devices sure are fun aren't they? Why you can take your movies and fun anywhere these days. Like this guy who's going to jail because he lost his iPad and the person who found it decided to take a look around his hard drive and discovered a bunch of kiddie porn. Technology is super awesome.
Ever see that show on MTV "My Super Sweet 16"? Well if you have then you've probably also had the urge to get in your car, dive to these spoiled pricks home and end them. Well got bless Bobcat Goldthwait because he made a movie called "God Bless America" with just such a plot. What's better is said film has been picked up by Magnolia pictures and will be finding it's way to VOD in the near future. Yes, I watch a lot of crap on cable.
Rodrigo Cortés made everyone giddy last year when he put Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes and just let him talk. Well his follow up to that is "Red Lights" staring Robert De Niro as a famous psychic who returns to the spotlight after 30 years of being off the radar. Then he gets put in a box for an hour and we just bask in all his glory. Probably not. Check out the new trailer and see if I'm a giant liar. I love you.
If you were a big fan of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows" as a kid then I'm willing to bet you spent a lot of time along in your room talking to your privates. But now Tim Burton is making a movie about the tv show and it stars Johnny Depp so people will love it and you and your genitals can go out into the world with pride. Here, look at these new photos from the set. Everyone looks so pale. Pasty is going to be the new tan. I'm going to be famous!
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Here's a fun story about a father who faces charges after he kicked his son in the stomach because he was making spelling mistakes at school. Awful yes, but I'm a terrible speller, always have been. If I thought there was a swift kick to the stomach waiting for me when I brought home a D on my spelling test I probably would have tried harder.
And here's a story about a man who was decapitated by a train at Penn Station in NYC this past weekend. Which is weird because I have heard nothing about this on the news. I have however been fully briefed on what's going on with fashion week.
