Stephan King

Horror Headlines: Friday May 3rd, 2013

It looks like "Frankenstein's Army" will find itself with a limited theatrical run on July 26th. The film takes place at the end of the second world war when Russian soldiers discover a secret Nazi lab where scientists are using the work of Dr. Viktor Frankenstein to build an army. I can't think of anything funny to say here that doesn't make me sound like a monster.

Every book Stephen King has ever written will be made into a movie including "Joyland", which he hasn't put out yet. Tate Taylor of "The Help" fame will adapt the story which follows a student in 1973 who begins working at a carnival and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder. It's only a matter of time before we start making movies out of his drunken crossword puzzle mishaps.

I can't think of anything worse right now than a new "Dracula" movie but Sarah Gadon has been cast in one. I don't know who she is but she was on some show called "My Dad the Rock Star" which sounds like the second worst thing.

Rob Zombie says "The Lords Of Salem" will be his last horror flick for a very long time... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

In Real People News: 

Here's a Florida guy who broke into a couple's home, masturbated, played with their toy helicopter and then ate a salad. Don't worry though, he brought the salad with him.

I have always said if you see any sort of animal smaller than a deer crossing the road you should speed up and hit it head on. The reason? This guy in North Carolina avoided a dog and ending up hitting an old guy on a lawn mower. Animals are dumb is the point here.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 11th, 2013

Some 8 years ago Robert Rodriguez produced a little flick titled "Curandero: Dawn of the Demon" about a federal agent batting a satanic cult in Mexico. Well thanks to the folks at Lionsgate and Miramax the flick is finally getting a DVD release on March 12th of this very year. Apparently the film fell by the wayside when the Weinstein brothers split with Miramax many moons ago. Breaking up is always hardest on the kids.

Todd Williams, of "Paranormal Activity 2" fame, has been hand picked by Stephen King himself to direct the big screen adaptation of his book "Cell". The story follows a young man trying to get from Boston to Maine after a strange event turns everything using a cell phone into a zombie. I think that's what the kids call a social statement. Or irony. I don't know, I always get the kids mixed up with Alanis Morissette.

"6 Souls", a not so new film starring Julianne Moore as doctor who begins treating a youngster with multiple personalities that just so happen to be murder victims will finally see US shores in a limited theatrical release on April 5th. The film, previously titled "Shelter", saw some overseas theaters back in 2010 but never made it's way to the land of milk and honey. So I assume it's going to be really good. Look for it.

Tyler Rossand and Izabela Vidovic are the first two names to be confirmed for the cast of Amazon's upcoming "Zombieland" series. It's based on the 2009 movie. I've talked about it a lot. You never listen to me. I think we should see other people. I don't care if it's just before Valentines day.

In Real People News: 

When a guy bites off the tip of his ex's big toes that's just creepy. When it turns out that guy is also a shoe salesmen though. That's pure comic gold.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 16th, 2012

If you liked "Sinister", and it seems like a lot of you did, then you're going to be excited to find out that the film's director Scott Derrickson has been tapped to bring Stephan King's "The Breathing Method" to life. The story follows a woman who becomes obsessed with a child birthing method that a doctor teaches her while she's pregnant with her illegitimate child. It's a Rom-Com? I didn't know King wrote those.

Did you watch "The Walking Dead" season premiere on Sunday night? Of course you did. Everyone in the world did apparently because it set a new record for a basic cable premier, with over 10.9 million people tuning in. That doesn't even take into account the folks who hunkered down to watch the flick on DVR later that night. Or the people who DVRed with hopes of watching it that evening but instead spent an hour in their daughter's room begging her to just go to sleep only to have her laugh in their face. Those people should count.

IFC has picked up the distribution rights to every country in the world for "Would You Rather", a new film about a group of people who are invited to a wealthy man's house and forced to play a game where the winner will become rich. Jeffrey Combs and Sasha Grey star in the flick, with a gaggle of others, which should be fun because I can't imagine there's anything Grey wouldn't do on film for money. Ya know, because she does porn and stuff. She gets paid to have sex on camera is what I mean.

James Wan recently dropped some knowledge on the state of the "Insidious" sequel. Apparently no story has been finalized but Wan is making a conscious effort to stay connect to the project and not let it stray from his original vision. So that's good news? We're excited? I'm Ron Burgundy?

In Real People News: 

Hey honey, does this tuna fish sandwich taste a little bit like human? Why yes it does! Because a Bumble Bee tuna factory worker got cooked in the plant's ovens by accident recently.

There's a lot of places you can discard your tampon but on your mother's counter top should not be one of them. You should also not try to attack your mother with a butcher knife when she confronts you about it. Her house her rules you know.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 21st, 2012

Katee Sackhoff, of a bunch of stuff I've never seen fame, has landed a role in a new haunted mirror flick titled "Oculus". Wow, that sentence just happened. She'll play the mother of a girl, played by Karen Gillan, who is dead-set on proving that a haunted mirror is responsible for the murders that left two children without parents. The mirror did it... I don't know what else to say.

Little known fact, I am literate. I know I was just as shocked to find this out as you are. And I may in fact read Stephen King's new book "Joyland" which was just given a June 4, 2013 release date and some snappy cover art. The book will focus on a young lad who goes to work at a carnival over the summer and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder that happened there. I'm just kidding I have no idea what I'm even typing.

Remember a while back when I said I could read? But it turns out I wasn't kidding. Seriously, I've read all three books in Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's "Strain" trilogy which focuses on a group of survivors trying to end a vampire outbreak that has taken over the world. So just think of how excited I am now that FX is looking to make a small screen adaptation of the books? I can say crap like, "oh well in the book that was different". People love hearing that kind of stuff, right?

Open Road Films has picked up a new found footage spoof film titled "A Haunted House" from mastermind Marlon Wayans. I know what you're thinking and don't worry, he will also be starring in the film...

In Real People News: 

There's nothing like waking up next to the one you love. It's a warm fuzzy feeling you can't really put into words. Unless of course your loved one is this woman from Washington and she's holding an electric saw over your head getting ready to decapitate you. Then it's kind of crappy.

Horror Headlines: Friday, June 15th, 2012

I've worked in NYC for over 12 years now and every day on my way to work I pass these guys selling tickets for double decker sightseeing bus tours of the city. They pretty much stand there and attack any couple that looks like they're on vacation. I have waited 12 years for someone to ask me to skip work, hop on a bus and take in all this fine city has to offer, but not once have I been approached. I dress like a homeless person so it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities that I'm just wandering around the city aimlessly, so why not ask me?

I swear to god I hate "True Blood" but for some reason I can't stop talking about casting and updates and god knows what other info they release. Like Robert Patrick joining the cast for next season as Alcide Herveaux's father. He's a wolf for those of you not in the know. I know because my wife constantly says "That guy who plays Alcide Herveaux on 'True Blood', I'd leave you for him." Seriously. Sometimes it's the last thing she says to me before I leave for work and the first thing she says when I get home. I cry at night sometimes.

If you're an avid listener of the BGH podcast (AKA not a prick) then you know we went gaga over Joe Cornish's "Attack the Block" last year. Well our loose fitting boxers are all in tizzy with the news that Joe has been confirmed to be tackling the big screen adaptation of "Snow Crash" for his next project. The book is set in the future where corporations rule the world and a strange computer virus is killing people. I hope they still listen to KRS-One in this future.

Judy Greer and Portia Doubleday have been added to the cast of the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Portia, which is a stupid name, will play play the meany Chris Hargensen while Judy will play a gym teacher in the rehash of the Stephan King classic. The stupid name comment is the best thing I can come up with for this one. It's been a long week.

For those of you who have been itching to own 1987's "Chillers" on DVD, the good people at Troma have answered your prayers. The disc will be released on September 11 and be chock full of trailers and other goods. Well all I really know about is the trailer being on there, but I assume there's got to be more. There's just got to be!

In Real People News: 

An Arizona woman is under arrest after she stabbed her husband in the back after they got into an argument over a Cosmo quiz. I've always said those things are trouble. You answer 5 questions and all of the sudden your a convicted serial murderer.

Good old Florida. Home of this woman who gathered a group of teenagers, forced them to cut themselves so their demons could escape and then had them close the cuts by burning themselves over a fire so the demons couldn't get back in. That and Disneyworld.

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