joyland

Book Review: Stephen King's Joyland

Revisiting his old ways, Stephen King’s newest novel, Joyland has the heart of that disenchanted college youth you once were and the fun you were bound to have in spite of your looming shortcomings.Joyland is a quick read that ticks you slowly up the top of that rickety rollercoaster just to plummet you headfirst into unseen curves and humps. A nostalgic ride through a lost summer, a first love, a mysterious new place and the sweat of a summer job, King haunts you with things you’ve tried to forget and then those things you yearn to remember.

Horror Headlines: Friday May 3rd, 2013

It looks like "Frankenstein's Army" will find itself with a limited theatrical run on July 26th. The film takes place at the end of the second world war when Russian soldiers discover a secret Nazi lab where scientists are using the work of Dr. Viktor Frankenstein to build an army. I can't think of anything funny to say here that doesn't make me sound like a monster.

Every book Stephen King has ever written will be made into a movie including "Joyland", which he hasn't put out yet. Tate Taylor of "The Help" fame will adapt the story which follows a student in 1973 who begins working at a carnival and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder. It's only a matter of time before we start making movies out of his drunken crossword puzzle mishaps.

I can't think of anything worse right now than a new "Dracula" movie but Sarah Gadon has been cast in one. I don't know who she is but she was on some show called "My Dad the Rock Star" which sounds like the second worst thing.

Rob Zombie says "The Lords Of Salem" will be his last horror flick for a very long time... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

In Real People News: 

Here's a Florida guy who broke into a couple's home, masturbated, played with their toy helicopter and then ate a salad. Don't worry though, he brought the salad with him.

I have always said if you see any sort of animal smaller than a deer crossing the road you should speed up and hit it head on. The reason? This guy in North Carolina avoided a dog and ending up hitting an old guy on a lawn mower. Animals are dumb is the point here.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 21st, 2012

Katee Sackhoff, of a bunch of stuff I've never seen fame, has landed a role in a new haunted mirror flick titled "Oculus". Wow, that sentence just happened. She'll play the mother of a girl, played by Karen Gillan, who is dead-set on proving that a haunted mirror is responsible for the murders that left two children without parents. The mirror did it... I don't know what else to say.

Little known fact, I am literate. I know I was just as shocked to find this out as you are. And I may in fact read Stephen King's new book "Joyland" which was just given a June 4, 2013 release date and some snappy cover art. The book will focus on a young lad who goes to work at a carnival over the summer and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder that happened there. I'm just kidding I have no idea what I'm even typing.

Remember a while back when I said I could read? But it turns out I wasn't kidding. Seriously, I've read all three books in Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's "Strain" trilogy which focuses on a group of survivors trying to end a vampire outbreak that has taken over the world. So just think of how excited I am now that FX is looking to make a small screen adaptation of the books? I can say crap like, "oh well in the book that was different". People love hearing that kind of stuff, right?

Open Road Films has picked up a new found footage spoof film titled "A Haunted House" from mastermind Marlon Wayans. I know what you're thinking and don't worry, he will also be starring in the film...

In Real People News: 

There's nothing like waking up next to the one you love. It's a warm fuzzy feeling you can't really put into words. Unless of course your loved one is this woman from Washington and she's holding an electric saw over your head getting ready to decapitate you. Then it's kind of crappy.

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