the walking dead

Horror Headlines: Thursday June 9th, 2011

A few moons ago there was a rumor on the tubes that the fine people at universal Pictures were planning a sequel to the 2010 remake of "The Wolfman". Since that movie was horrible it sounded like a terrible idea. Now it looks like they're just scrapping the entire thing and doing a full on reboot that will go straight to DVD sometime next year. There's no way this can end well but I guess it can't do worse than shirtless Anthony Hopkins.

If you love things that are good, and if you don't I suggest you stop reading my news because you're going to hate it, than you're going to be tickled pink by the news that "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" has been picked up for distribution by the folks at Magnolia Pictures. Looks like the buddy horror romp will hit VOD on on August 26th and see a limited theatrical release on September 30th. So that's awesome news if you haven't already downloaded it from some virus filled site.

Get ready to get excited, kids! The first shots of season 2 of "The Walking Dead" are hitting the nets and they're chock full of zombie goodness. Namely some bloodshot eyed zombie women that I find strangely attractive. These are all such strange new feelings for me. While I try to figure this all out you can sit there and diddle yourself over the fact that season 2 will hit AMC this October.

"Do you have Asteroids?", "No but my dad does". Name the movie! Anyway it looks like Roland Emmerich, the guy who directed "Universal Soldier" and "Independence Day" might be locking himself in to do a big screen adaptation of the beloved 80's video game. I'm so confused by what I just wrote I don't even know how to be sarcastic about it.

In Real People News: 

Killing a cat is kind of messed up but you can really chalk it up to good harmless teenage fun. Killing 50 cats on the other hand, you might want to call the kids parents and set up a teacher conference. Or arrest the kids like they did in Washington. Stern talking to, or prison, your choice.

And here's a heartwarming story about a bear in Quebec, of course, that was hit by a car then shot into the air into oncoming traffic and eventually smashed through the windshield of a car killing the two people inside. I have no idea if this means the bear got revenge or what but I think the moral here is never go to Canada because it literally rains bears there.

Horror Headlines: Friday February 11th, 2011

It looks like none other than Ryan Gosling has been signed up to star in the long discussed "Logan's Run" remake. Which is exciting because never in my life did I think I would hear my wife utter the words "Honey, I really want to see Logan's Run".

If you're going to buy one toy this year that doesn't require a black bag when walking out of the store then make it the new "The Walking Dead" toys coming from the good people at McFarlane Toys. Two series will be released from the comic book/TV show and the first set will hit shelves this September.

The second clip for "The Bleeding", which stars Kat Von D, DMX and 37 other people you don't think should be acting has hit the net and it is chock full of everything except bleeding. Well alright it's missing a lot of things but really there's not way to have EVERYTHING in one clip is there? Whales, a clown and the Sears Tower... physically impossible to have in the same shot. Think about it.

It looks like Simon West will direct the upcoming remake of "Red Sonja" and right now Amber Heard is the front runner to star. You'll remember West as the director of "Con-Air" and you'll see Heard getting deflowered by Nic Cage in "Drive Angry". I'm not saying if this is a good or bad thing.

In Real People News: 

You work hard to become Mayor, you spend years fighting the good fight and when it's your time to have a building named after you you get shot down just because you're name is easily mocked. Life isn't easy if your name is Harry Baals my friends.

I understand the idea of yin and yang but I'm pretty sure just because you help a women get her car out of a snow bank you can't then rape her and call it even. I'm not from Missouri though so I don't know how things work there.

Horror Headlines: Friday February 4th, 2011

If you're like me and had a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis then when you were a kid then you probably owned the game "Zombies Ate My Neighbors". So you're going to be super excited that there's going to be a movie made out of the game. You're then going to also think back to how you were overweight, had acne, wore way too many Metallica t-shirts and couldn't get a girlfriend until college. It's OK to cry, I am.

For those of you giddy about "The Walking Dead" then you're probably going to waddle your chubby ass to the store on march 8th when Season 1 hits DVD and Blu-Ray. Well put down the McRib fat ass and enjoy this new DVD trailer in honor of the release. I have no idea why I'm calling everyone fat, I've run out of other sarcastic things.

If there's one thing that's a good time it's making fun of people who World of Warcraft, sorry Erin. But now Undead Labs has teamed up with Microsoft to build a new zombie franchise game that will be available on Xbox Live for the Xbox 360. The game will allow gamers to play out their sickest fantasies of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. They're currently calling the game "Class3" but I assume that will change by the time it comes out.

As much as it pains me to keep talking about "Drive Angry" I just can't stop. Here's a new NSFW video for the film that literary has a half a second shot of boobs for no reason whatsoever other than to make it a NSFW clip. "Not Safe For Work"? More like "No Stupid Freakin Way"! I'm still working on it.

In Real People News: 

Aliens have invaded Jerusalem my friends, get your guns and prepare for the intergalactic war. Video has popped up on the tubes of what some are calling a spaceship coming down and hovering over a temple in the holy land. But let's not think about it, there's video on the internet, that's proof enough for me to demand we launch the missiles.

My favorite part of Valentines Day? And I only say this in the hopes my wife is reading this, but those tiny little heart shaped candies with adorable messages on them. They're so tasty! But I never got one like this girl in Califnornia who picked a winner that said "Nice Tits". That's a keeper, you don't just eat a message like that.

Horror Headlines: Monday January 24th, 2011

James Wan and Leigh Whannell are the duo that brought you "Saw" and now they've got a trailer for a new film called "Insidious". It's a heartwarming tale of a kid that lives in a house that's having all kind of weird haunted type stuff going on in it. Here's the catch though, it's not the house that's haunted, it's the kid! Dun dun duuuuun!

Last week we talked about our feelings and the fact that there might be an Alfred Hitchcock biopic in the works. Well now we can chat again because there's rumors that Sir Anthony Hopkins is the front runner to play our favorite rollie pollie horror icon. We should also make childish comments about the name Hitchcock and giggle like girls.

"The Silent House" is a movie from Chris Kentis and Laura Lau, the peeps who brought you "Open Water" and today the film's got a clip up on the tubes. Doesn't look like too silent of a house to me! Get it? Cause of the title? It's a pun... or a play on words... or a poem. I don't know.

Is there a video game version of "The Walking Dead" in the works? The world may never know! Wait no, that's wrong. We'll know, we'll know on February 17th when game developers Telltale announce their new big game that's based on a "a just-launched property from the TV and comic book world whose popularity is changing life as some know it." It really could be anything!

In Real People News: 

Finally someone has the guts to stand up to hookers who half ass their jobs! Hubert Blackman recently filed a lawsuit against a call girl service in Vegas after the girl he paid to have sex with ditched out on him after a half hour even though he paid for a full hour. Justice must be served!

Sometimes the stress of being a teacher just gets to be too much and you need to take some time off. Like this second grade teacher in Oakland who went on administrative leave after a number of sex acts, including oral sex, happened in the class while while the teacher was actually in the class. So now second graders are getting further then I did in High School. Nothing depressing about that!

Horror Headlines: Thursday January 6th, 2011

Liam Neeson is teaming up again with is "A-Team" director Joe Carnahan in "The Grey". Neeson seems to have a new found love for the horror genre, can he pull it off once again in this man vs. wolf thriller?

Bill Moseley seems like a natural fit for Charles Manson, so it's good to hear that Susanna Lo has cast him in her upcoming flick, "Manson Girls". Manson is pretty much a love child between Chop Top and Otis, so why not?

The first season of AMC's "The Walking Dead" was a rousing success and you'll be able to buy it for yourself in March. Start saving your pennies, the Blu-ray will run you $49, the DVD will go for $39.99.

Our first big awards show of 2011 has come and gone with last night's airing of The People's Choice Awards. This year the fans didn't give much love to the horror genre at all despite the addition of a 'Favorite Horror Movie' category. The first winner of this prestigious category? "A Nightmare on Elm Street". At least "Dexter" won for favorite TV obsession.

Sydney Prescott, author of a self help book is finishing up her book tour in her home town of Woodsboro when the Ghostface murders start up again. Such is the leaked plot synopsis included in the first round of "Scream 4" test screening invitations.

In Real People News: 

The following is a warning from the Calvert County Sheriff's Department: there is a rogue Emu on the loose. Should you see the animal in your yard, do not approach. The animal is to be considered a wild freaking animal and it will claw the shit out of you.

An 11 year old New Jersey child is going to court for writing her name in cement, yet the "Jersey Shore" cast still walks free. I ask you, is this justice?

On this day in history: 

1982 - William G Bonin, the truck driving "Freeway Killer", convicted in Los Angeles. He had murdered 14 boys and young men.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 7th, 2010

As expected Sunday night's "The Walking Dead" season finale went balls out with the rating, pulling about 8.1 million viewers between the 10 pm and 1 am showings. That's up 9% from last week's show and the series had the highest average for a cable show since 1993. That's a lot of math and to be honest the most amazing part is that I somewhat understand it.

It's no surprise that the producers of "American Psycho: The Musical" are promising tons of gore. Well maybe it's a little surprise since it's going to be on Broadway but that's nowhere near as surprising as the fact that Tom Cruise might be making a small cameo in the show. I know this isn't sarcasm but somehow I still feel like I'm being a wise ass here.

Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman, I've had dreams that start with those two names. Nightmares, I meant nightmares... I swear! Anyway there's a bunch of new interviews with the two up on the tubes with them talking about how exciting their new flick "Season of the Witch" is. Get hot and bothered!

Hammer's next film titled "The Resident" will apparently not be released in theaters but instead see a DVD/Blu-Ray release on March 29th, 2011. My guess for the change in plans is that putting both Hilary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan on the screen together would cause theaters to burst into flames from all the heat. Now it'll just be your home.

In Real People News: 

Butcher vs. Boar 2010 took place recently at a shop in Germany when a wild hog ripped apart a butcher shop for close to an hour. Who won? Well one of the gladiators is now being sold as pork chops. You try to guess which one.

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. of Eugene Oregon has officially changed his name to Captain Awesome. That's really all I can say about that.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 30th, 2010

Congratulations makers of "Black Swan". You found a way to make a minute long video of Natalie Portman dancing around the most unattractive thing I've ever seen. Here's what I assume the direction for this was like. "YES! That was good, now do it one more time with more German in your eyes. Ya! Das ist gut mein fraulein!"

Just when you think there's no good left in the world you find out that "The Walking Dead" scored 5.6 million viewers this past Sunday. This is actually more than the pilot episode and all signs point to this Sunday's season finale doing even better. If "Glee" ends up getting canceled my entire outlook on life is going to change.

For those of you who didn't get a chance to see "Hatchet II" before America flexed its biceps and yanked it from theaters, you're in luck. The slasher flick will get an On Demand release on December 1st and more importantly be available on countless torrent sites by the end of the week. I can't be the only one who wants to see the makers of this movie end up homeless. Somebody else chime in here!

Kevin Smith plans on screening his new creepy flick "Red State" at Sundance in 2011 and apparently wants to immediately auction off distribution rights after the screening. People of Hollywood I am speaking to you directly now. I've never asked you for anything but for this I will beg. Please, when that no talent overrated pile of turds starts the bidding please please please don't bid. I want to see what it looks like when a human actually cries cake frosting and this may be my only chance.

In Real People News: 

I've said this a thousand times and now I have proof. Pennsylvania has the worst drivers in the world and this girl who actually managed to get her truck up in a tree is living proof. Sometimes it's boring being right all the time... but not this time.

This might be the quickest I've ever gone from excited to disappointed in my life. Here's how my thought process went as I skimmed this article. Holy crap they are going to announce that aliens are real? At a Ramada Inn? That's kind of weird. Oh crap, it's a 65 year old man who prayed to Jesus to send him a snowball with proof. Crap.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 9th, 2010

Big news kids! "The Walking Dead" has been picked up for a second season and I've also completed this big ass puzzle I've been working on for months. The first part of that is probably the news you want to pay attention to. But seriously, that puzzle was a giant f'er, lots of blue and stuff.

A release date for the long awaited remake of Troma's "Mothers Day" has finally been announced. In a bold move the film will be released on April 11th, a full month before the real Mother's Day. Well played big wigs, well played.

The trailer for Uwe Boll's latest film "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" has finally hit the tubes. It's a vampire hunter flick based on a video game that's set in Nazi Germany. The fact that Boll is German doesn't make that weird at all.

By a show of hands, who wants to see Danny Trejo fight a monster created by a drug lord. Just as I thought! Everyone in America wants to see that, everyone! You're welcome, here's "Project X23". Now, who wants to see the government give me a giant swimming pool filled with beer?

In Real People News: 

I don't care if it rains or freezes long as I have the world's largest Jesus! Thanks Poland, you've done it again!

I usually just wear my "These Colors Don't Run" t-shirt to get out of jury duty but this guy has topped me. An Ohio man was excused after he reveled he was a childhood friend of Jeffrey Dahmer. Yup, that'll do it.

On this day in history: 

1888 – Jack the Ripper kills Mary Jane Kelly, his last known victim.

Horror Headlines: Friday November 5th, 2010

Tim Burton and super hunk Johnny Depp will finally begin filming the big screen version of "Dark Shadows" this April. For those of you not familiar with the original TV show it's kind of like "Soup" but not funny, with vampires and a lot of English accents. Of course I learned all this from a TV commercial selling the entire series on DVD so I could be off.

I've yet to figure out what a producer actually does but John Carpenter is apparently set to be the executive producer on Dennison Ramalho's new film "The Hell Within". Apparently the entire movie will be shot in Brazil so I'm starting to think old John John is just looking for a vacation.

What's next up on the remake list? "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", the 1973 zombie flick which I'm 99% sure was shot on someone's home camera. Did they have home cameras back then? I have no clue, maybe that's a really good thing for back then. What a strange and wondrous world it must of been back in the 70's.

Oh boy, who's as excited as me for the second episode of "The Walking Dead"? No one, that's the answer, no one could possibly be as excited as I am. Anyway here's a sneak peek at the second episode, don't even try to pretend that you wet yourself like I did. That's Joe's thing!

In Real People News: 

Too far America, too far! San Francisco has apparently passed a low making it illegal to include free toys with unhealthy meals. Meaning the McDonald's Happy Meal is a no-no for kids anymore. You win the world series and all of a sudden you think you can play god. I know I know, it's a long shot making a sports joke on a horror website.

Yes, yes and yes. I want this. It's the world's largest coffee, holding a stunning 2,010 gallons of the good stuff put together together by the people at GourmetGiftBaskets.com. I hope it's black, I only drink mine black. Only hippies use cream and sugar.

On this day in history: 

2009 - A shooting rampage at the Fort Hood Army post in Texas left 13 people dead; Maj. Nidal Hasan, an Army psychiatrist, was charged in the worst mass killing on a U.S. military base

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 2nd, 2010

Be still my beating heart! Leonardo DiCaprio is confirmed to star in "The Devil in the White City", a new film based on H.H. Holmes, America's first serial killer. This will mark the first time I've ever had a man crush on a murderer. Mark this down.

Good news and bad news for fans of "The Walking Dead". The good news is the AMC series had a big ass premier with 5.3 million viewers. The bad news, that means instead of going out, getting drunk and going home with some random person you probably sat at home and watched TV. I've never been so proud and disappointed of you in my whole life.

I love every thing that comes out of Norway. Vikings, those weird ass black metal kids and that band that sang "Barbie Girl". Well add the new film "Inside a Whore", which has a new trailer online, to the list. I don't even know what it's about, I got so excited about the title I blacked out for a solid twenty minutes.

Still got "Let Me In" fever? Take a number kids! So here's a deleted clip from the film to keep your chops moist. Just to be clear though, if you're taking a number I think only 17 people went to see the movie so the line might not be too long. 17 people counting the five of us on the podcast. And no, we won't be in the line.

In Real People News: 

A Chinese boy recently fell 20 stories, landed on a car and lived. Impressive maybe for us Americans but have you seen the Chinese Circus? The guys some around like wild animals so honestly I think the kid could have gone 30 floors without an issue.

Before I explain this let me get this out of the way. I was nowhere near Maryland this past weekend. Alright, now here's a story about a man who was there and was very drunk, very much in a diaper and very much screaming profanity.

On this day in history: 

1974 – 78 die when the "Time Go-Go" Club in Seoul, South Korea burns down. Six of the victims jumped to their deaths from the seventh floor when a club official barred the doors after the fire started.

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