Did you ever read that book "My Brother Sam is Dead" in middle school? I didn't but I was suppose too. I'm really sorry Mr. Reynolds... you creepy mustached SOB. Well "John Dies At the End" is nothing like that book but today it's got its first poster with all kinds of skull goodness. The movie tells the story of two college drop outs who are trying to stop an onslaught of terror brought on by a strange drug that hits the streets. I just used the word onslaught.
Some behind the scenes photos from "Piranha 3DD" have hit the tubes and they're pretty much what you'd expect from the sequel that takes our man-eating fish to a water park. Unless you didn't expect augmented women in tiny swimsuits. While I don't recognize any of the women from porn there's one with a giant tattoo that is leading me to believe she's done some questionable acting in her day. We can only hope and pray now.
I'm going to address this one directly to Mark because he'll probably be the most excited about it. Hey Mark! Good news. They're rebooting the "Mortal Kombat" franchise with a new film based on the popular web series "Mortal Kombat: Legacy". One catch though. It's going to be directed by Kevin Tancharoen, who did direct the web series but also the "Glee" 3D movie and "Fame" remake. Anyway! How have you been? How's Chicago? Have you been to Millennium Park yet? I hear it's wonderful this time of year.
And lastly Johann Urb, who rivals Sarah Jessica Parker for longest face in Hollywood, has signed on to play Leon Kennedy in "Resident Evil: Retribution" along side Milla Jovovich and her mom hips. So that's some exciting news huh? Got any plans for the weekend? Fall is finally here! You look fat in those jeans.
In Real People News:
There's really no better excuse than the one this New York woman gave the cops for running over a man. "He asked for it". Enough said...
Sometimes you're in such a hurry that you forget something important. Like your wallet, keys or your bus pass. The last one I do all the time. I have never forgotten my child though. Not even when I'm drunk driving and flip my car like this woman did in California. Well not yet at least.
Some behind the scenes photos from the set of "Piranha 3DD" have popped up online and they're full of giant fishy goodness. Giant fish and other... giant things. Ya know... the giant of giant things you expect to see in "Piranha 3DD".. Boobs. I'm talking about boobs.
And here it is folks, the first trailer for Tom Six's "The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)". The sequel to the little gross out horror movie that could. There's not much in the way of footage and I'm not even sure if this is that actual movie but that doesn't make it any less exciting. The fact that it kind of looks like crap, that makes it less exciting. That and only that.
I had completely forgotten that Anne Hathaway was playing Selena Kyle (aka Catwoman) in "The Dark knight Rises" but here's a gaggle of new set photos and looky loo there she is. Unless someone made a mistake and these are shots from "The Princes Diaries 3". And if that is the case it looks like things take a serious turn for the worse for our Princess. Attacked by homeless people kind of worse. I like the new direction.
Lars Von Trier may or may not be a giant racist but that doesn't make his new movie "Melancholia" look any less awesome. Not even Kirsten Dunst's toothy smile can take away from the visual goodness that is the new trailer for the flick. For those of you not up to speed that movie focuses on a couple celebrating their marriage while another planet heads toward earth. Meaning the world's going to end and Mr. Right isn't going to even get a wedding night with Snaggly Tooth. The lord works in mysterious ways.
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I can't imagine anyone has ever won an argument with a cop about getting their drugs back but then again I can't imagine anyone has ever had that argument completely nude, like this sassy chap from Texas. In case you're wondering he still didn't win the argument.
And here's a heartwarming story about a New York man who is wanted by police for sniffing children s feet at a local library. I wonder if that cops had to look up if that was even illegal. If it wasn't it is now.
Neal McDonough, Niecy Nash and Nick Turturro have all been added to the ever growing cast of "Nurse 3D", a new film about a nurse who kills people by night... IN 3D! That's right. Stethoscopes and crap all flying out at your face in crystal clear HD quality. Did your mind just get blown? What if I told you "30 Rock" star Katrina Bowden would also be in 3D? Did your temples just start shooting blood!?
Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter will play high class NYC vampires in a new film titled "Vamps" and today there's some new images from the film for your peepers to peep on. Isn't Alicia Silverstone a freakin vegan? Vegans can't be vampires! They shouldn't even be allowed to vote let alone play cool blood sucking characters in films. This is all Aerosmith's fault.
This weekend I will be forced to see "Apollo 18" for the Bloody Good Horror podcast and I'm not going to lie, I'm miserable about it. One good thing that will come of this though is that the first trailer for "Piranha 3DD" will apparently be showing before the film. So that's about 3 minutes of enjoyment and about an hour and a half of misery. I don't know what kind of percentage or dewey decimal system type equation that works out to but I bet it sucks.
I've yet to see any of these "[REC]" movies but apparently they're just absolutely delightful. Apparently they're also making another one titled "[REC] Genesis" and the word around campus is they've wrapped filming and have gone into post production. So that means today we get our first look at some stills from the flick that takes place during the same time period as the original, only miles away in a different location. Is that good? I have no idea. Someone please tell me what to think. I told you to hate Alicia Silverstone, you owe me this.
In Real People News:
A little tiny German boy is safe after he had been locked inside a school bus for more than 12 hours on a hot summer day after the bus driver forgot him and parked the bus in the holding lot. Why the hell the little schnitzel eater didn't speak up and say he was still on the bus is unclear but now I will do an interpretation of what it would have sounded like if he did. "Hallo! Mein bus driver? I am stuck on ze bus ya! Mein koff ist soooo hot! Mein lederhosen ist chafing!
And this is why you don't mess with Alaska. A 22 year old woman was out walking her dog this past week when a bear came out and snatched up her little friend. What did she do? She punched the bear and it's freakin face, took the dog and ran off. She punched a bear in it's face! Bears randomly walking out and taking dogs is also the reason you never go to Alaska in the first place.
Damon Lidelof is the fella who penned "Lost" and the upcoming movie "Cowboys & Aliens" has been handed more money than I'll ever see in my life to write a new Sci-Fi silm for the fine people at Disney. No real details yet on what the movie will be about but word is the project will extent beyond the cinema. Which could really mean anything. TV show, action figure line or maybe in a few years I'll riding in a car shaped like Lindelof's head on the new "1952" ride at Disney World. It's going to be magical.
A romp of new images from the set of "Piranha 3DD" have hit the tubes and it looks like the blood action at the local water park is in full swing. For the second film a local Lake Havasu water park has been turned into "Big Wet Waterpark" and I assume after filming wraps they either have to detox the entire area or just burn the park to the ground and call it a day. And if you're wondering, a romp is what they call a group of otters. We learned something today!
Mexican actor Diego Luna is reportedly being courted for a role in up coming Neill Blomkamp alien flick titled "Elysium". the film is the follow up to Blomkamp's 2009 epic "District 9" and has already cast Matt Damon and Jodie Foster as earthlings who face an alien onslaught. Sounds like things are going to get caliente on the set my friends! Aye que rico, me pone loca!
John Hlavin who wrote the script for "Underworld 4: New Dawn" is in talks to develop a script for a big screen adaptation of the board game of global domination "Risk". This is just the latest board game to be added to the ever growing list of adaptations and I for one can't wait to see the giant CGI pop-o-matic bubble once someone decided to make "Trouble" a movie.
In Real People News:
A Florida priest is under arrest after he reportedly exposed himself to, groped and offered to perform sexual acts on an undercover cop. What's worse is this all happened on a local beach at 1 in the afternoon. No one should be doing those kinds of things when they're all full from lunch. You'll get cramps.
Parents in a small town in New Mexico are under arrested after people reported them for beating their 5 month old child while they were drunk at Red Lobster. I feel like I'm looking into the future and I'm surprisingly OK with it.
This can't be a surprise to anyone can it? Gary Busey has officially been added to the cast of "Piranha 3DD". No confirmation on a role but based on the original I assume he'll play the President or maybe a giant rabbit that shoots lightning out of its nipples. Alright that second one might be a long shot.
Zorro isn't a name you've tossed around for a while but it looks like the caped one is making his return with a new twist. This time around the big Z will play vigilante in the future in the film that is currently being titled "Zorro Reborn". Sounds a little nutty by Rpin Suwannath is set to direct the movie and he did some of the visual effects on "Van Helsing" and he's got a name I can't pronounce. I don't see how this can fail.
I didn't know I was excited about a "Laid to Rest" sequel until I recently started reading so much about it. Turns out I'm pumped and now the flick titled "ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2" has a release date. September 20th, 2011 is the date all the world has been waiting for. I wonder if there will be a big Hollywood premiere? Oh man you think I'll be invited? You think Joan Rivers will make fun of me when I tell her I'm wearing shoes by Target and a suit by Salvation Army?
Heya! Here'sa a new poster fora "REC 3: Genesis"! It's a spicy meatballa! Creepy woman makein a crying with blooda! Oh mama this isa the 37th time I'm made this jokea!
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Ya know my wife thinks she has it bad because sometimes I come home a little tipsy and accuse her of plotting to murder me. Little does she know there's guys out there like this fella in Minnesota who got into a fight with his girlfriend and then proceeded to lock her in a dog cage because "that's where bitches belong". I don't look so bad now, do I!
Let this be a lesson to all of you, put a freakin password on your wireless router! If you don't you could end up like this guy in Buffalo who had the feds swarm his house and knock the holy living hell out of him before they figured out that it was his neighbor who had been downloading child pornography over his wifi the previous evening. Which is funny because it was actually my neighbor who DVR'ed all that "Glee" on my TV.
Two new posters have hit the tubes for Kevin Smith's "Red State" and they're super trippy. One shows a some crazy ass redneck holding a shotgun and the other one shows Smith just after he ousted that fat kid on the internet as world record pizza roll eater. Oh I kid, it's an upside down church, which I assume has some sort of deep meaning. But serious, I bet Smith could school that kid at pizza roll eating.
It's got to be depressing for Joel Schumacher to still be referred to as "the guy who directed 'The Lost Boys" so I'd like to break the trend here. The "DC Cab" director, see what I did there, is set to take on "The Hive" which focuses on a 911 operator who has to take on a killer from her past in order to save the life of a little girl... he also directed "Batman & Robin" and that movie was unwatchable. FYI.
Looking to break away from his father's shadow Jack Osbourne is looking to create a horror film based on the songs of Black Sabbath, the band which was front by his famous father Ozzy. It's a sarcastic riddle, stick with me here. According to the loose details the movies will only feature the band's music and feature themes inspired by the songs, no actual band members will appear in the film. I assume it'll star his sister Kelly though, it would be insane not to highlight that talent.
Good news for fans of soft corn porn, production on "Piranha 3DD" has officially begun. Along with that a whole gang of cast members have been confirmed for the flick that takes the man eating fish to a water park. Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Chris Zylka, David Koechner, Meagan Tandy, Paul James Jordan, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, Hector Jimenez, Adrian Martinez, and Clu Gulager are all on board and while I don't recognize a single name there I'd bet money at least three of them have been a part of a filmed threeway.
In Real People News:
I'm not say I want to be murdered but if my crazy stalker fan is out there who plans on kidnapping, torturing and then dumping me someplace please make sure it isn't a pile of manure. Because the worst thing about these two bodies found in Indiana is that they were in a pile of horse crap. Well worst thing next to the whole being murdered thing.
And here's a story about a crazy man in California who was arrested in the trailer court he lived in because he was walking around in a Raiders jersey, g-string and a scrunchy wrapped around his manhood while talking to himself. Crazy, right? Who the hell likes the Raiders anymore? Did he think they were filming a new Dr. Dre video or something?
"Pineapple Express" director David Gordon Green is plotting the much talked about remake of the Dario Argento wunderkind "Suspiria" as his next birthing. Green is excited to hop on the project but sees his retelling leaving behind the ballet theme for a girl's boarding school setting. And I am seeing this as more of a hardcore porn flick but truth be told if I was allowed to remake movies 99% of them would turn out that way.
Khalid Laith and Razane Jammal have both signed on to play roles in the upcoming Tobe Hooper flick "Djinn" which focuses on a couple who finds their luxury apartment is inhabited by some sort of demon type thing that plays tricks or something. I have no idea who either of these guys are but I would never admit that though because I'd be too afraid that it sounds racist. Oh boy, I've said too much. Really need to get that backspace key fixed.
Along with 37 other movies it sounds like mancrush Neil Marshall is also working on an alien invasion movie set during World War 2. That's about all the details that have been discussed on this one but I've always wanted to post something about Hitler getting some sort of anal probing so let's hope something along those lines makes it into the movie.
On the heels of the release date for "Piranha 3DD" being pushed to a November 23rd Joel Soisson has been brought in to produce the flick along with fixing the script. I have no idea how you could screw up a script that probably goes something like "girl takes off top, fish eats girl, repeat" but what the hell do I know. Maybe throw in a "nude girl swims with other nude girl to weird music". Wait that's been done? I'll never make it in this town.
For those of you who were excited about "Ouijia" being a spooky ass film about demons and murder prepare to be disappointed. According to screenwriters Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis the flick will have more of an "Indiana Jones" vibe to it. Kind of sucks I know but I hope they have the board wear a tiny little Indy hat, that will be adorable.
Chris Smith's Medieval romp "Black Death" will hit On-Demand, Xbox, Amazon.com and all other forms of online tubes on February 4th and in theaters starting on March 11th. And by theaters I mean some small ones you'll never walk in because you've already downloaded a copy of the film illegally. I'll see you in hell.
Some hot new details about Chris Nolan's "The Dark Knight Rises" have hit the nets and I'm going to try to explain them. Dr. Hugo Strange will be the main bad guy, Black Mask runs the criminal underworld, Talia al Ghul looks to take out Bruce Wayne, Killer Croc is also looking to take a crack at Batman and if you understand what any of these things means you've probably never seen a girl naked. Congrats.
There's rumors floating around that Ving Rhames will find his way into "Piranha 3DD" despite biting the big one in the first film. There is absolutely to reason for anyone to be surprised by this. I'd bet money that Jerry O'Connell's penis shows up again too.
In Real People News:
I smell road trip! A bar in Baltimore has started hosting a monthly event they're calling "Beer & Bacon Happy Hour." The event features bacon flavored drinks, a bacon focused menu and best of all bottomless bowls of fresh cooked bacon. The place is called Bad Decisions and I will officially be moving there next week.
A 2 year old in PA was rescued recently after crawling inside a toy crane machine and spending a solid 15 minutes enjoying herself. The question really is if someone used the machine and got the baby out with the claw would that baby then legally be owned by that person?
I have no idea if this is a surprise or news at all, but a sixth season of "Dexter" has been confirmed. In related news the sun will in fact rise tomorrow and I will still not have clean underthings.
If I have to explain to you what "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus" is about then I don't think we can be friends anymore. All you need to know is it hits DVD on December 21st and there's a new trailer for it. Oh and you should probably know that I want to see other people too, but that doesn't have anything to do with the movie.
This on the other hand is very much news. September 16, 2011 will be the most magical day ever because "Piranha 3DD" will hit theaters. We should all go camp outside the theater now so we can get the first tickets.
Bill Moseley and Civil War horror movies go together like sex and peanut butter. That's a fact. So here's some new pictures of him and the rest of the gang in "Exit Humanity". Of course the movie was filmed in Toronto so maybe this is some other Civil War they had over maple syrup something. Beats me.
In Real People News:
A Pennsylvania man has been jailed after getting all loopy on a mixture of prescription pills and alcohol and beating the crap out of his roommate. Why did he do this? Well he was so high that he thought he was a Jedi Master of course.
If you can rob a gas station with a 3 foot long tree branch you shouldn't have to face any prison time. That's a fact and I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the constitution right next to "being awesome" is a perfectly good reason for driving drunk. I love freedom.
In a shocking twist the much anticipated sequel to "Piranha 3D" will be shot in... you guess it, 3D. I can't say I'm mad about this and the fact that they're calling it "Piranha 3DD", teehee, makes me giddy as all get out. I think that's a saying.
What's got two thumbs and has Nicolas Cage fever? This guy! And you will too after you check out this new poster for "Season of the Witch". Did you look? Are you excited? Did you see Ron Perlman's name awkwardly placed at the bottom? I love it!
Alan Spencer, the guy who created "Alan Spencer" (look it up it's awesome) is working on a new show for IFC that follows a serial killer who's trying to juggle both his after hours activities and his social life. It's going to be called "Dextter". Alright that last part is a lie but it's a good suggestion I think.
A movie about a magic mushroom hunt gone terribly wrong? Sign me up kids, here's some new images from the German slasher flick "One Way Trip 3D". Let me narrate them for you. "Creepy, boring, creepy boring, holy crap why would you do that?!"
In Real People News:
Didn't Bill Cosby do a bit on this? A man in Pennsylvania was picked up for lighting a joint in the delivery room while his wife was giving birth. Wrong sure but I can imagine that's a pretty stressful event. Cut the guy some slack.
A woman in Florida is facing charges after trying to sell her baby in order to buy a car. Now before we go calling her a monster let's ask ourselves, what kind of car was it? A used Dodge Neon? Awful. A NEW Dodge Neon? Understandable. Wait they don't make Neon's anymore? Burn the witch!
On this day in history:
2000 - A cable car crammed with skiers and snowboarders caught fire while being pulled through an Alpine tunnel in Austria, killing 155 people.