jerry oconnel

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 16th, 2010

For those of you who were excited about "Ouijia" being a spooky ass film about demons and murder prepare to be disappointed. According to screenwriters Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis the flick will have more of an "Indiana Jones" vibe to it. Kind of sucks I know but I hope they have the board wear a tiny little Indy hat, that will be adorable.

Chris Smith's Medieval romp "Black Death" will hit On-Demand, Xbox, Amazon.com and all other forms of online tubes on February 4th and in theaters starting on March 11th. And by theaters I mean some small ones you'll never walk in because you've already downloaded a copy of the film illegally. I'll see you in hell.

Some hot new details about Chris Nolan's "The Dark Knight Rises" have hit the nets and I'm going to try to explain them. Dr. Hugo Strange will be the main bad guy, Black Mask runs the criminal underworld, Talia al Ghul looks to take out Bruce Wayne, Killer Croc is also looking to take a crack at Batman and if you understand what any of these things means you've probably never seen a girl naked. Congrats.

There's rumors floating around that Ving Rhames will find his way into "Piranha 3DD" despite biting the big one in the first film. There is absolutely to reason for anyone to be surprised by this. I'd bet money that Jerry O'Connell's penis shows up again too.

In Real People News: 

I smell road trip! A bar in Baltimore has started hosting a monthly event they're calling "Beer & Bacon Happy Hour." The event features bacon flavored drinks, a bacon focused menu and best of all bottomless bowls of fresh cooked bacon. The place is called Bad Decisions and I will officially be moving there next week.

A 2 year old in PA was rescued recently after crawling inside a toy crane machine and spending a solid 15 minutes enjoying herself. The question really is if someone used the machine and got the baby out with the claw would that baby then legally be owned by that person?

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 7th, 2009

Good morning folks! Want to download the score of "Martyrs" for free? Well, apparently the composer of the film has given it up, temporarily, for free on the internet. Click on the link and start downloading!

Katie Holmes to star in the Guillermo Del Toro produced "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"? Yup, it became official yesterday. The remake follows a young woman who moves back in with her father and his girlfriend, only to be hounded by a supernatural entity. It's about to start shooting, which should give me a good 6 to 8 months before the release to chastise those who preferred turtle-faced Maggie Gylenhaal in "The Dark Knight". Prepare yourselves.

Endearing Indie title of the week: "It Ate His Face". I also like how they misspell "Michigan" in the synopsis... good times.

Due to some impending financial trouble for Senator Distribution, "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" has been moved yet again to the "to be determined" block of their releases. I officially give up. It's a fun movie that won't do well in theaters... why not just put it out on DVD and make some money? At this rate, everyone and their brother with a modicum of computer skills will have already seen it by the time it gets released. Use your heads, people.

Jerry O'Connell, he of fat-kid in "Stand By Me" fame, joins the cast of Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" remake, thereby solidifying this as the silliest horror film currently in production. I can't wait.

In Real People News: 

According to official fatwas in Saudi Arabia against females working out at gyms, "virginity may be lost through the movement and jumping". Hmmm... maybe the problems in the Middle East are simpler than we imagine... because that shows a basic misunderstanding of human anatomy. Maybe we just need to send them some textbooks? Or at least a "No Fat Chicks" shirt so they understand the importance of female fitness, that should do the trick.

What would YOU do to celebrate your son's release from jail? Get arrested for illegally hunting wild hogs? Well then, you must live in Florida, we should hang out some time.

On this day in history: 

1945: German admiral Carl Doenitz unconditionally surrenders to Allied forces at Reims, France, thus ending the war in Europe.

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