Writing the news in an airport is kind of weird but people walking by don't really seem to give me weird looks when they see what's on my screen. When I get to the real people news though... that's when things get uncomfortable.
It's been a while since we've talked about Rob Zombie but now that his "The Lords Of Salem" is close to seeing the light of day it's time to thrust his loins back into your face. Sounds awful, right? Well it appears Mr. Zombie's witch revenge flick has sparked quite the bidding war with Anchor Bay being the front runner, offering close to $1.5 million for the film. I think we should start anew with Rob so I'll hold back on any stupid comments... I will mention how annoying his wife is though, but that's all.
If you've been on the edge of your seat waiting for the new "Godzilla" reboot then I am happy to tell you the wait is over because the good people at Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures have announced that the flick will hit theaters on May 16th 2014. I mean you have to wait till then, and that's a pretty long time away, but you don't have to wait to know how long you have to wait. You get it? "Wait" by White Lion is a great song.
Adam Wingard's "You're Next" has also found itself a release date in the form of August 23rd 2013. The flick is about a family on vacation when they find themselves being hunted by a group of mysterious killers. They wear masks I think. If they wore Godzilla masks this would tie in really nicely wouldn't it. The lead singers of White Lion's name is Mike Tramp, that always grossed me out.
I have no idea why I keep talking about "Scary movie 5" but the rumor going around that Lindsay Lohan has faked having walking pneumonia is kind of awesome so I think you people need to know about it. Apparently she's a little pissy about the fact that the small role she was set to play had her mocking her own career and downward spiral. I for one am also pissed about it. I don't care what she does, she will always be my sweetheart. My cracked out sloppy mess of a sweetheart.
"You're Next" is a new "vacation gone bad because of a bunch of nut jobs" flick that's getting all kinds of giggles and gaggles from the peanut gallery. Yes I know that doesn't make any sense but I'm running out of creative ways to say a movie looks good. Check out the new poster for the flick which features a creepy mask all covered in blood. It'll really make your hog-swallow turn a randy flipgate on a dime.
Word around campus is Mr. Tom Cruise is in discussion to take the lead role in the upcoming flick "We Mortals Are". The movie is being described as "Source Code" but with aliens or as I'll call it a movie I fell asleep watching... with aliens. The film will be directed by Doug Liman and watched by no one.
Yes yes Lars Von Tier said some pretty stupid things but hot hog if his new end of the world flick "Melancholia" doesn't look good. I know I'm surprised by my chipper mood today too. And today we've got a new motion poster for the flick which comes out on 11-11-11. The movie stars Kirsten Dunst who won best actress at Cannes this past May for her role in the flick. Her snaggle tooth took home runner up.
In what might be the most shocking news of the last 15 minutes it looks like "Hostel III" will be heading direct to DVD this coming December. I know I had expected a big Hollywood premier event also. You can probably guess the plot of this one so I'll just tell you it takes place in Vegas. Feel free to do your own awful "Swingers" impressions now.
In Real People News:
A South Carolina teacher is accused of punching one of her students in the face after the 13 year old boy tossed a pen in the trash can. Some people really hate it when you don't recycle. Of course I have no idea if you can recycle a pen. I'm not some damn hippie.