godzilla

Episode 291 - "Godzilla"

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Have you guys heard of this Godzilla person? Me neither.

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Pacific Rim (REVIEW)

Historically, the onset of the summer movie season means lean times for horror fans. While there is plenty of enjoyment to be dragged out of the big budget comic and light sci-fi films that pepper the summer blockbuster landscape, there’s a general lack of quality films for genre fans to sink their teeth into. Guillermo Del Toro has thrown us excitable devotees a bone this summer in the form of “Pacific Rim,” a Kaiju-tastic summer blockbuster that hits the spot not in spite of its cliches, but because of them.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 8th, 2013

Let's not get into why it's been so long since I posted the news. Let's just be happy that I'm back and plan for the next time I disappear for two weeks. Maybe start stocking up on Hot Pockets. Those are fun and help to pass the time.

The folks over at Lionsgate have picked up the US distribution rights to "Ritual", a new flick about a fella who finds his ex wife has murdered a stranger who happens to be connected to a dangerous cult. Semi-new director Mickey Keating leads this one and while there's no word on a release date the other territories will go up on the auction block next month at Cannes. I plan on picking up the rights to Guam. Gotta make that chedda.

Susan Surandon and Topher Grace would make the world's creepiest couple and the thought of them making love makes me throw up a little in my mouth but the good news here is that both of them have been confirmed for the cast of "The Calling" and not confirmed to be bumping uglies. The duo will play detectives who are on the hunt for a serial killer who's targeting the mentally ill. I bet their children would be adorable though. You can't argue that.

Sally Hawkins, who apparently is no relation to the smart guy in the wheelchair, is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming "Godzilla" reboot. No word on what role she'll play but since she's British I assume she'll play a British doctor or maybe a British police officer. Or any of those roles without a British accent. Really I have no idea here.

"Pro-Wrestlers Vs. Zombies" is a real thing and the trailer looks a lot worse than you would expect. That's saying a lot I know.

In Real People News: 

A 64 year old woman is in hot water after she poured superglue in the eyes and ears of her 58 year old roommate. I think this was on that Betty White show right? Old people are so funny when they do zany stuff.

A Pennsylvania man is under arrest after he set his ex-girlfriends car on fire and emailed 400 of her college classmates nude photos of herself. I wonder which one she was madder about. I bet it was the nude photos thing. Unless she had a really nice car. Like a Neon or something. You can't replace those you know.

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 7th, 2013

I'm calling it right now. In 2014 Elizabeth Olsen and Bryan Cranston will be Hollywood's number 1 power couple. It's a bold statment I know, especially since I think Cranston is married, but they're both in talks to take on "Godzilla" in the upcoming reboot and there's no way that the two of them could be on set and not fall head over heels in love. The age difference is pretty bad too. To be honest I'm kind of disappointed in both of them.

Wait a second, "The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia" is going direct to DVD? How is that possible? Oh well, it'll be available on April 16th so check it out. Or don't. No skin off my scrote.

Lakeshore Entertainment has picked up the rights to the graphic novel "The Sword" with plans to bring it to the big screen. The story follows a young paraplegic who finds a sword that allows her to walk again after the brutal murder of her family. No news yet on casting or who will direct but with such a heartwarming story I hope we get to see this one soon.

All the world loves Colin Firth. There's no getting around it. And now he's going to play along side Nicole Kidman in the upcoming flick "Before I Go to Sleep". The film is about a woman who wakes up every morning with no memory of the previous day, with only her husband to help her. Guess what; she finds out her husband isn't really her husband at all. Even as a prick all the world will love Colin Firth. Prediction number 2 of today's post. Mark it down.

In Real People News: 

I know if you work at a dollar store you might assume you have the right to take off your belt and beat an 8 year old for being the spawn of Satan but, it turns out you don't. I'm just as surprised as all of you.

I think this Texas woman who took a picture of her son with a knife to his throat and her menstruation blood on his face and sent them to the boys father might have just snagged 2013's mother of the year award. So early in the season too.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 11th, 2013

Word around campus is that the uncomfortably attractive Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the front runner to battle the big lizard in the upcoming "Godzilla" reboot. No decision will be made until the final script is complete but if come on. Have you seen him? Mother of god he's got the yes of a angel. I've said too much haven't I.

Ellen Page, the annoying gal from "Juno", has signed on to play the lead in the big screen adaptation of "Into the Forest". Based on Jean Hegland's novel the film focuses on two sisters trying to survive as the world is falling apart. Come on you remember her. "Oh my blog". I know, makes you want to punch a baby seal doesn't it.

Wanna know something? There's a "A Nightmare on Elm Street" Blu-Ray collection coming out. It's going to be the first time that 4 through 7 have been available on Blu-Ray. They're going to be chock full of all kinds of interviews and extras. In related news I will not be purchasing any of them.

For no other reason than to be a prick and keep people talking about it "Zombieland" director Ruben Fleischer has not ruled out the possibility of a sequel. Sure he says there's no script for it, there's no cast for it and no there aren't even plans for it. Hell it doesn't even sound like he wants to do it. But ya know never say never or some other bullshit. Prick.

In Real People News: 

An Arizona woman was taken into custody after she called the cops and threatened to kill her husband because he wouldn't put out. Thank god you can't go to jail for not putting out. Cause there's a ton of woman I could have sent to the chair in college. Get it? No one loved me.

A 51 year old woman did what any normal person would do when returning home to find their lover in bed with someone else. She went into the kitchen and dropped a number two on the floor. Wait no. That's completely insane. Forget everything I said.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 15th, 2012

Writing the news in an airport is kind of weird but people walking by don't really seem to give me weird looks when they see what's on my screen. When I get to the real people news though... that's when things get uncomfortable.

It's been a while since we've talked about Rob Zombie but now that his "The Lords Of Salem" is close to seeing the light of day it's time to thrust his loins back into your face. Sounds awful, right? Well it appears Mr. Zombie's witch revenge flick has sparked quite the bidding war with Anchor Bay being the front runner, offering close to $1.5 million for the film. I think we should start anew with Rob so I'll hold back on any stupid comments... I will mention how annoying his wife is though, but that's all.

If you've been on the edge of your seat waiting for the new "Godzilla" reboot then I am happy to tell you the wait is over because the good people at Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures have announced that the flick will hit theaters on May 16th 2014. I mean you have to wait till then, and that's a pretty long time away, but you don't have to wait to know how long you have to wait. You get it? "Wait" by White Lion is a great song.

Adam Wingard's "You're Next" has also found itself a release date in the form of August 23rd 2013. The flick is about a family on vacation when they find themselves being hunted by a group of mysterious killers. They wear masks I think. If they wore Godzilla masks this would tie in really nicely wouldn't it. The lead singers of White Lion's name is Mike Tramp, that always grossed me out.

I have no idea why I keep talking about "Scary movie 5" but the rumor going around that Lindsay Lohan has faked having walking pneumonia is kind of awesome so I think you people need to know about it. Apparently she's a little pissy about the fact that the small role she was set to play had her mocking her own career and downward spiral. I for one am also pissed about it. I don't care what she does, she will always be my sweetheart. My cracked out sloppy mess of a sweetheart.

In Real People News: 

Seems a bit extreme but a St. Louis man shot his uncle to death over an argument about the cut of their pork chops. That's not a weird euphemism for something else either. He really killed his uncle over the cut of meat.

Well this is nice to see not happening in Florida. A Pennsylvania man is under arrest after he jumped out of a second story window and started chewing on a passer by's head. Good for you, Florida. You go and let those hicks in PA be the weirdos for a day.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 10th, 2011

The plot for "Seven Psychopaths" might be the most confusing thing I've ever read but it also might have the greatest cast ever. The film is about a screen writer who finds inspiration when he gets caught up in a dog napping ring that mistakenly takes a psychopathic gangsters Shih Tzu. Still with me? Now to the cast, Woody Harrelson , Tom Waits and Olga Kurylenko have just been confirmed to join Colin Farrell, Christopher Walken and Sam Rockwell in the film. It's like the heavens read my diary and put together my perfect dream date.

If you loved "The Jungle Book 2" then you're going to want to sit down for this one. Writer Evan Spiliotopoulos, who also penned "The Lion King 1½" has been tapped to write the script for the upcoming big screen adaptation of the classic video game "Asteroids". Matt Lopez has already taken a pass but when you get a chance to work with the guy who wrote the script to the direct to video follow up to some classic Disney cartoons then you don't pass it up. That's just logic.

Ah crap! It looks like Robert Zemeckis has decided to step down as the as the director of the upcoming sea monster flick "Here There Be Monsters". No replacement has been picked and as of right now no reason has been given for Zemeckis' departure. I keep calling him but he must be busy or something. I'll keep trying though and let you know what I find out.

I trust everyone named Max. It's just a rule I live by. So even though I don't know a single thing Max Borenstein has done I still trust him to write the script for the upcoming remake/reboot of "Godzilla" for the Legendary Pictures. I'm not sure if they took my opinion into consideration while making their decision but I like to think they did.

In Real People News: 

If you're going to off yourself you want to do it in a big way. Like this guy in Texas who slit his wrists, stripped naked, doused himself in gasoline, and set himself on fire while sitting in his car on the side of the highway. Of course he survived and is now in the hospital but you can't say he didn't give it his all.

When you're 18 years old you'll do anything for some hot lovin. Like hopping on a bus and traveling from Arizona to Milwaukee to meet a girl you found online who said she'd do you. Unfortunately when you're a 21 year old female looking for a guy you and your roommate can chain up and cut repeatedly in a weird satanic sex ritual all you have to do is hop online and find a 18 year old to travel to Milwaukee to Arizona. At the end of the day the 18 year old got over 300 cuts and a script for what might be the worst eHarmony commercial ever.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 2nd, 2011

Anthony Mackie has been added to the cast of the long awaited big screen adaptation of Max Brooks' "World War Z". The cast already includes Mr. Brad Pitt and Mireille Enos and is set to begin filming this summer. Mackie is currently filming "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" and 7 other movies, but I hope he gets some time to really drink the beauty that is Brad Pitt. God, I'd love to just get a lock of his hair or something. I've said too much.

Jane Levy looks like she could be anywhere between 11 and 30, but now she's been added to the cast of the teen Halloween comedy "Fun Size" so that means she's got to be a teen right? Is it creepy that I'm even bringing her age up? Little bit right? Are you uncomfortable? You should be! Anyway, the film focuses on a young girl who takes her little brother trick-r-treating, loses him and then spends the night trying to track him down before her mother finds out. I'm on some sort of watch list now aren't I... damn this site!

Do you love Godzilla? Well then you're sure to have lukewarm feelings about the new spoof "Notzilla: Duke of the Monsters"! Alright, honestly the movie, which already has Patrick Warburton and George Takei attached to it, looks like it could be funny for a half hour or so, but it's currently looking for distribution and the good people behind the film have put out a trailer to get some buzz going. If you have about 1.5 million it could be yours. Won't you help!? Won't somebody think of the children!?

Remember when seeing names like Tony Todd, Kane Hodder and Tiffany Shepis in a cast meant you were going to see a quality film? No, me either, but that doesn't matter because all three have been cast in the new werewolf flick "Hallow Pointe". The story takes place at a bed and breakfast where a couple must fight to stay alive when they find themselves checked in on the night of a full moon. I swear to god if I have to sit through another Kane Hodder sex scene I'm never watching another movie. You've been warned!

In Real People News: 

An empty house near Salem Massachusetts apparently called 911 on it's own after a pipe burst and caused toxic mold to form while the owner was away. Of course, "the man" is trying to say the call, which was just a hand up, was caused by the water shorting out the phone line and sending a random call out to 911 but anyone with an ounce of smarts know it's the work of demon witches from days of old. It's the only explanation.

A father in Queens NY is under arrest after his son brought the father's 8mm hand gun to school and sold it to another student for $3. Of course the father is pissed about the whole being arrested thing but I can't imagine he's too happy about his gun being sold for $3 bucks. You've got to imagine he could of gotten at least twice that.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 14th, 2011

Good news kids! The real Godzilla might be making a come back in late 2012. Word on campus is along with the American reboot that currently planned the good people at Toho are also in the works for a brand new rubber suit version. Merry Christmas honey, hope you like an hour and a half of pure misery!

Yesterday we saw "Husk" from the After Dark Originals series and today we see "The Task" and as much as it pains me to not hate two movies in a row I have to say I'm a sucker for stupid kids trapped in a building. Yes it's a blatant rip off of that crappy MTV show that use to be on but at least in this one people die. People die and there's a creepy ass clown that isn't Carson Daly! People get that reference, right?

The only two things I understood about the trailer for the South Korean film "The Housemaid" was the ridiculous amount of sex a married guy has with his maid and the AT&T ad that ran before the trailer started. From the quotes in the trailer though this will apparently be the greatest movie ever invented. Well that and AT&T really does have the best nationwide coverage around, hands down.

Tori Black is a porn star and she's got some sort of horror movie coming out called "Half Moon" where she plays a prostitute who's hard up for cash, AKA a bad prostitute. But honestly you probably clicked on the link once you saw the words porn star so you're not even reading this anymore so I could really say anything. Anyway there's new cover art for the film and I sob like a baby every time I watch "Rudy".

In Real People News: 

Everyone knows that if a lady is going to steal a mink coat the best way to do it is to shove it into her underthings. What most women don't know though is you then have to keep it there at least 4 days before it's safe to take the garment out. See this women in Minnesota only left it there for 3 days and that's why she got caught.

Not knowing you're having sex with a dead girl for a few minutes is somewhat believable. Not knowing you're having sex with a dead girl for a few hours, not so much. And if you are going to try to say you didn't know, don't freakin video tape it. I should really write a handbook for deviants.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 5th, 2011

Gareth Edwards recently made waves with his low budget success "Monsters". Legendary Pictures was so impressed with his bargain barrel monster effects, they've now tapped the director to helm their "Godzilla" remake. Sure, Edwards proved himself a decent director but, we all remember how the last American "Godzilla" remake turned out, don't we?

If you didn't hate the poorly named McG already, prepare to set your phasers to loathe. The director has stepped in to take over the troubled "Ouija" board movie. Yes, a movie on the crappy Hasbro board game.

George Clooney is going to return to his horror roots as he signs on to star in the serial killer thriller "The Monster of Florence".

I've long thought that the classic Grimm Fairy Tale "Hansel and Gretel" lacked sexiness. Thank god Gemma Artetron and Jeremy Renner have signed on for "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters".

In Real People News: 

How many times have you had this conversation? "Mom... can I ask you a question?" "Sure dear, ask me anything!" "Do you ever get that...not so fresh feeling?" "I used to dear, but now I just head down to the spa for my vaginal steam bath!" Nothing says "fresh" like squatting over of a piping hot cup of mugwort tea!

Two clowns were found dead in Mexico, victims of a vicious drug gang hit.

On this day in history: 

1981 - The Yorkshire Ripper, murderer of 13 women, is arrested. Peter Sutcliffe concentrated mostly on hookers, but still managed to terrorize mainstream England in the late 1970's and early 1980's.

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This week we discuss alchemy, camera technology, a first time guest host joins the show, and we review "As Above, So Below".  

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