Best of 2014: Joe's Take

(Editor's note: Over the rest of this week and next we'll be rolling out our staff picks for the best in horror from 2014, leading up to the official BGH Best of 2014 list and the Year in Review podcast. Enjoy!)

The Best

1. Snowpiercer - According to IMDB this movie actually came out in 2013 so my entire list may be null and void but let’s just go with it. For me Tilda Swinton and her teeth make this movie. Yes, the fighting is awesome, hobo Captain America is bad ass, and shoving little tiny kids in small train spaces is always fun. But those freakin teeth. You could have put Tilda Swinton’s character on screen for 3 hours and have her read my car's manual and I would of loved it.

2. Dead Snow 2 - Funnier than the first one and with a little less subtitles. You can’t go wrong.

3. The Purge: Anarchy - I didn’t see this one until it came out on video but I am a sucker for movies like this. “Judgement Night”, “Escape From New York” and really anything where people are running around a city trying to hide from nut-bags really pumps my nads. I also really enjoy “The Breakfast Club” a great deal.

4. Tusk - Kevin Freakin Smith. Who would of thunk it. Not to mention that kid from the Apple commercials. But what can I say, this movie was funny as hell, creepy as all get out and Johnny Depp has a French Canadian accent. If it wasn’t for “Mallrats” this movie may have been my number 1 pick for the year.

5. As Above So Below - You put a creepy ass ringing phone in the middle of a tunnel and have someone's dead dad be on the other end and I guarantee I will put your movie in my year end top 10 list. Take note Scorsese.

6. All Cheerleaders Die - Maybe it’s just me, but having a bunch of girls in their mid-twenties playing high school cheerleaders brings me back to a much simpler time. It’s kind of like that movie “The Craft” except instead of being all goth, all the girls in this are cheerleaders. Also, there was not one song by Letters to Cleo. Take that however you want.

7. Cheap Thrills - Want to see David Koechner make love to himself? Me either. Let’s move on.

8. The Babadook - Alright, it’s confession time. I never actually saw “The Babadook”. I had to send Jon my top ten list and I figured it looked good so I would probably like it. I had every intention of watching it before I actually wrote my funny little notes, but never got around to it. Still, from the trailer I think it deserves to sit at number 8 for me.

9. The Sacrament - This year was full of surprises for me. I like to say I’ve grown as a person. I could of also just given up. Either way I’ve never really been a big Ti West fan, but if you take a handful of those Brooklyn hipsters from Vice, toss them in the jungle and have a cult start F'ing with them I’m going to be onboard.

10. Godzilla - Was is great? No, of course ont. Was it good? I don’t know, it came out back in May! What’s with the 20 questions all of the sudden? I do remember liking when the big lizard yelled and stuff. Was Mechagodzilla on this one? If so that was another highlight for me. Also, I never really cared about “Breaking Bad”.

The Worst

1. Life After Beth - I moved 900 miles away from Brooklyn to get away from this garbage. Stop wearing your girlfriend's pants, kids.

2. Jessabelle - I really like that this movie has sparked a newfound love for doing a ridiculous creole accent but other than that it’s pretty much awful.

3. Horns - Waaah, it wasn’t as good as the book. Or at least that’s what I would have said if I liked the book. But I didn’t. And Harry Potter sounds ridiculous in this movie.

4. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones - No entiendo por qué siguen haciendo estas películas.

5. V/H/S Viral - It’s hard to make an entire anthology film where not one segment is enjoyable. but you did it guys. Good for you.