the munsters

Horror Headlines: Monday January 7th, 2013

Every time I watch an episode of "Shahs of Sunset" a little bit of me dies. Just to be clear I've watched every episode this season. I have trouble looking at myself in the mirror.

The internerds are all a flutter about a new rumor floating around that Mark Frost and David Lynch are in talks with NBC to revive the "Twin Peaks" series for a third season. Whether or not the rumors are true remain to be seen but if they are it sounds like Lynch is hoping most or all of the original cast will return and the series will pick after the same amount of time it's been since the show went off the air. I never watched the show so I really don't have anything funny to tack on here. Kyle MacLachlan looks like he wears women's underwear though.

If you've been waiting around with baited breath for the new A&E series "Bates Motel" well I have good news for your and your mouth. The show will finally hit the airwaves on March 18th for your viewing pleasure. I mean it's not great news. The series based on the Alfred Hitchcock's classic film "Psycho" is still a couple months away. And it won't be on till 10 pm. So you still have some waiting to do. I'm sorry I got your hopes up.

It sounds like NBC may not be done with a reboot of "The Munsters" series after all. Days after it was announced they would not be moving forward with Bryan Fuller's "Mockingbird Lane" the channels main man Bob Greenblatt came out saying they won't rule out do another show based on the series. He went on to say he likes the idea of a new show but "Mockingbird Lane" just didn't work. So kind of a big "it's not me it's you" to Fuller. He then returned all of Fuller's t-shirts that he had in his closet. And tore all the pictures of the two of them together in half. It was really ugly.

So "Texas Chainsaw 3D" brought the ruckas big time this weekend at the box office. The new sequel, retelling or whatever the hell you want to call it of Tobe Hooper's classic 1974 chainsaw romp took in $23 million this past weekend making it number 1, beating out "Django Unchained" and "The Hobbit" and pretty much guaranteeing we'll see sequel. Or a threequil. Or a prequel? I saw the flick and I honestly have no idea what to call it.

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If you're going to rob a store you might want to come up with a get away plan that doesn't involve calling your mom and asking for a ride. I mean you obviously set up a time for your mom to meet you. Moms are never late. Unless it's on a sitcom and you're getting out of soccer practice. That's just common knowledge.

Two California teen girls are under arrest after they drugged their parents milkshake so they could get onto the internet. I'm not saying I condone this but I understand. Sometimes you really just need to watch some porn.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 2nd, 2013

Welcome to 2013! The year of the antelope. For those of you wondering if I've made any sort of resolution, I have not. I would like to drop a few pounds though. None of my shirts seem to fit anymore. Perhaps I should stop eating cheese curls for breakfast. They're just so good though! I also have no idea if that antelope thing is real.

The re-make of the slasher classic "Maniac" staring Elijah Wood has yet to receive a release date, but the first 6 minutes of the flick have popped up online and are now ready for your eyes to gaze upon. 6 minutes sounds like a lot, but a few minutes is the credits. Then there's a lot of first person shots of a girl walking down the street. Then there's some Spanish subtitles. So I'd say if you like walking, subtitles and credits this is your movie.

It looks like NBC has officially put "Mockingbird Lane" out to pasture. I mean they canceled it. I'm not sure if my metaphor was clear. I'm not sure that was actually a metaphor either. God I'm so confused. But, just to confirm, the show's creator Bryan Fuller tweeted that the series, an updated take on the classic "The Musnters" series has been canceled. He then Insta-tweeted a picture of some really AMAZE grilled cheese he got at this little cheese shop he knows down in the Valley.

The good folks behind "The Walking Dead" will be releasing a new app this coming week at DeadYourself.com that will allow fans to zombify themselves and also offer exclusive content when the show returns on February 10th. Ya know what else you'll be able to do? Zombify ex-girlfriends! That'll show 'em, huh? Maybe then you'll finally get up the courage to ask for your Phish CDs back. You need those Phish CDs.

David S. Goyer has taken to the internets to shoot down any rumors floating around that he will be directing the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Hellsing", a new film about a secret agency who battles the forces of evil. No word on who will be taking to the chair or where the rumor started but if I were to guess I'd bet it's those pricks over at The National Enquirer. That still exists rights?

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Here's a heartwarming story about a father who's been arrested for beating his two kids because they farted in the car. It's hard not to get a little misty. That could be the gas though.

A 50 year old Florida woman is facing battery charges after she beat the holy living hell out of her 32 year old boyfriend for not making sure her needs were met in the bedroom after he got his jollies. I'm not really sure how else to word this without making you, myself and everyone else uncomfortable.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

Chris Fedak, one half of the duo that brought you "Chuck" has set his sights on a new project based on the magic of Mr. Harry Houdini. The story will focus on a high school kid who discovers a link to the legendary magician and must use clues left from him to uncover a great secret. No word yet on title, cast or filming dates so you're welcome for all the exciting details.

If you're excited about "Mockingbird Lane" then prepare to get a full on robot chubby when you hear the news that the show's producer Bryan Fuller has dropped word that some of your favorite Universal monsters will also be popping up in the show. The Wolfman, Frankenstein, Dracula and a gaggle of others are planned for the show which is a reboot of the classic 60's sitcom "The Munsters". I guess I don't know for sure one of those is your favorite. But I think it's a safe guess. I'm sorry I assume things sometimes.

I refuse to watch any web series because let's be honest if it was really that good it would be on TV because that's where good things go. But someone must have been watching "Mortal Kombat: Legacy" because the series creator Kevin Tancharoen has let the world know he's working on a second season that will focus on the tournament itself rather than character story. I assume that means the first season focused on the character's story. I don't know. I already said I didn't watch it. The web is dumb.

If you're a fan of the podcast you know that we were all pretty giddy over the Aussie flick "The Loved Ones". Well good news for all of you who don't have big Hollywood hook ups who give us big bags of cash to view screeners like us because the flick is going to hit DVD on September 11th. Why would someone from Hollywood pay us to watch a movie from Australia you might be asking. Shut up don't question me. The disc will include the unrated version of the film along with cast and crew interviews. You will not be able to understand a word of it.

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Writing your own obituary before you die is a nice touch. You can make sure everyone knows exactly what you feel without having to worry about them being pissed at you. Like this guy from Utah who admitted to stealing a safe from a drive-in back in 1971, being banned from Disneyland and Seaworld and having a fake PhD. It must have been nice to get that off his chest.

Attacking your girlfriend is one thing but attacking her with the dog you just killed is just a whole new level of nutso. And creative. But mostly nutso.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

I'm probably going to be disappointed here but I'm actually looking forward to "Mockingbird Lane", a new series based on the classic show "The Munsters". I will say Jerry O'Connell is kind of a weird choice for the role of Herman Munster if they're trying to make this version more dark than the original but what do I know. He was rather spellbinding in "Kangaroo Jack".

A horror movie doesn't always need blood, a killer or even jump scares but it better damn well have Malcolm McDowell. Luckily for "Mischief Night", a new flick about a girl being stalked by a killer she starts to have feelings for, it now has some double M action in its cast list. If there's one complaint people have always had about "The Birds" it's that it needs more McDowell.

Mads Mikkelsen might be the most bad ass name ever imagined and I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit I'm petrified of the guy. So I'd venture to say he's a good choice to play the lead role in the upcoming "Hannibal" TV show. He seems like the kind of guy who would actually eat another person just to get into character. To Mads Mikkelsen! A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!

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There are numerous places that it's okay to let your kid play. A sandbox, the beach or a jungle gym are some good examples. Railroad tracks on the other hand are a terrible, terrible place to let your kid play and you will go to jail for it. You're welcome.

Sometimes you got to sweet talk a girl. You can't just rush up and ask if you can bed her. I wouldn't peg a woman who would stab a man in the head to be that kind of woman but apparently she is. It's kind of ironic isn't it? Don't you think?

Horror Headlines: Friday, February 3rd, 2012

This Sunday is the Super Bowl and I could not be more excited. Not about the stupid game or that witch Madonna prancing around in her mom jeans during half time. No it's a special day when I can really tie one on and eat the most awful things in the world. Not that that doesn't happen on a lot of other days but on Super Bowl Sunday you don't have to feel as bad about it. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of internal calendar that makes a 12 pack and 37 wings not count against your calorie intake for the day.

In a recent poll that I conducted in my head it was determined that 100% of women in America hate Katherine Heigl. The number 1 reason? I think she's hot and women hate any woman that takes my attention away from them. What a country! So no woman is going to want to see "Face Blind", which stars Heigl as a woman who suffers from a rare illness that makes it impossible for her to distinguish people by their faces. Do you have dreams where you have this and everyone looks like me? I bet you do. Silly goose.

I can't think of anyone who's actually excited about the NBC reboot of "The Munsters" but then again I don't really talk to a lot of people. If you're not up to speed the show is going to be based on the original TV series that focused on a family of monsters but will have a much darker tone. And today it looks like NBC has announced they'll be calling the show "Mockingbird Lane" rather than sticking with the original title. They're also dropping all the monsters and making the show about a group of college girls trying to make it on their own. That last part is just a guess.

A lot of people thought "Insidious" was a dandy movie. But then again a lot of people think those LMFAO jackasses are talented. What the hell is with the robot!? But just as they will keep making music it looks like James Wan will return for the inevitable sequel to least year's surprise hit. No plot or cast has been announced but it looks like the same production team and writer Leigh Whannell will return. I just hope they get that weird red faced guy to return also. And that old lady who screwed Woody Harrelson in "Kingpin". She always makes me laugh.

Octavia Spencer is Hollywood's sweetheart right now and I have nothing bad to say about that. Other than her eyes kind of freak me out. But that's it. So here's some news about her joining the cast of "Snow Piercer", a movie about a group trapped on a train after the world is frozen over. Tilda Swinton is in the movie too. She also kind of weirds me out but seems very nice. We all learned something about each other today didn't we?

In Real People News: 

A Florida woman is under arrest after she refused to take a breathalyzer claiming she was incapable of taking one "with her big boobies". There's a mug shot in the article. It's extremely disappointing.

I don't know what the definition of a "happy ending" is for massage parlors in Pennsylvania but I'm 99% sure it doesn't involve shooting the customer in the head. I don't know for sure though. They call their subs "hoagies" out there. Freaks.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 17th, 2011

A few weeks back we talked about how it looked like "The Munsters" would once again be coming to the small screen in the form of a new TV series. Well it looks like NBC has finally given the new project, which promises to be a darker version of the classic black and white show, the thumbs up. No word yet on cast but Bryan Fuller, who brought you "Pushing Daisies" will be leading the project. Or don't you remember our talks? It's not just physical for me you know!

To up the hotness level of his new film "Pacific Rim" Guillermo del Toro has added Ron Perlman to the cast list. The movie is an epic battle giant robots vs. giant monsters and I will officially start taking bets to to which one Perlman will play.

It's no surprise that a big screen version of "Catching Fire", the second book in the 3 part "Hunger Games" series, is already being produced. It might be a surprise that Simon Beaufoy, the writer of "Slumdog Millionaire", is being eyed to adapt the book. I say it might be a surprise because I assume you're all racist and terrible people. I didn't even bat an eye at the news. I guess I just don't see things the way you do.

One of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me was farting in the middle of science class in the fifth grade. Luckily the teacher had stepped out of the room but unfortunately it was during the middle of a test so the room was dead silent. I don't think I ever got over that. By the way, here's some behind the scenes photos from the set of Rob Zombie's "Lords Of Salem".

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I had no idea that you could get high off of bath salts but apparently you can. Apparently the high also puts you in a festive spirit because this guy in Ohio got all doped up on them, broke into a home and set up Christmas decorations. I don't think I see any down side to this.

Here's a story about a black guy in Florida who dressed up as a Klan member and burned a cross on his front lawn to scare his wife. Insane? Yes, but you have to imagine it worked.

Horror Headlines: Friday August 12th, 2011

Pop quiz, what's your favorite Ray Kay video? Trick question! The answer is none because he's the mastermind behind videos for Justin Beiber, Willow Smith and Lady Gaga. I fooled you didn't I? Well he's been handed the keys to a new thriller titled "Paranormalcy" which follows a teen who works for a paranormal agency who finds she might be in the middle of a plot to destroy all paranormal entities. Wait would that be a bad thing? Will there be a meat suit? So many questions and so few answers.

Harry Potter director David Yates and scribe Steve Kloves will reunite to create a trilogy based on Stephen King's "The Stand". For those of you not familiar with the book it's really long and took me over a year to read so I'm not going to tell you anything about it. They did make a mini series though back in the 90's and Molly Ringwald was in it. I'm not saying if that's a good or a bad thing though.

I loved "The Munsters" like a mofo and was a big fan of "Pushing Daisies" so the thought of its creator Bryan Fuller rebooting my beloved black and white classic is just like peanut butter and sex. They just go together. The new series is said to be a darker version of the original and will tell the tale of how everyone's favorite family came to live at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Mother of god I hope they don't F this up.

Details on the DVD and Blu-Ray extras that will be included with "Scream 4" have dropped and along with commentary with Wes Craven, deleted scenes and a gag real the discs will also include alternative endings and openings. This gets me excited because maybe for the next version there will also be a alternative middle and the three combined will actually make this a good movie. See what I did there? Enjoy your weekend folks.

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This guy has come up with the greatest excuse as to why he was riding around a Walmart parking lot with his junk hanging out. Simply put, he confessed that Walmart really gets his juices flowing. To each his own I say. And I call this the greatest excuse because I assume people ride around Walmart parking lots constantly with their junk hanging out.

If you're going to try to wake up your boyfriend by shooting fireworks at him then you kind of deserve to lose three fingers. And yes before you even ask this took place in Florida.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 11th, 2010

Good news if you hate 3D, "My Soul to Take" had the worst opening for a 3D movie to date, making roughly $6.9 million this past weekend. I'd love to see the breakdown of people who saw it that weren't forced to because they're on a podcast.

John Carpenter suffered a minor stroke this past Saturday at the Spooky Empire convention in Orlando. The bad ass part? He returned to the convention on Sunday to continue meetings fans. He also bit the head off of one. Alright that last part's a lie.

Producer Bryan Fuller recently dropped some info on his upcoming reboot of "The Munsters" TV series. It's being described a combo of "Modern Family" and "True Blood" which to me sounds like a bunch of vampires who are related screwing each other. Hollywood is a bunch of sickos.

If you've all being waiting for the next Indonesian flick to hit the states you can finally get some sleep because "Satan's Facebook" is coming. There's really no reason to explain what this is about, from the title alone you should be excited and if you're not you're a racist. There, I said it.

In Real People News: 

Two women from Troy NY have cited for animal cruelty and will possibly be brought up on criminal charges after police discovered they had a total of 77 cats living in two cars. This is outrageous, everyone knows you can't fit more then 30 cats tops into a car.

On this day in history: 

1958 – Pioneer program: NASA launches the lunar probe Pioneer 1 (the probe falls back to Earth and burns up).

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