Hellsing

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 2nd, 2013

Welcome to 2013! The year of the antelope. For those of you wondering if I've made any sort of resolution, I have not. I would like to drop a few pounds though. None of my shirts seem to fit anymore. Perhaps I should stop eating cheese curls for breakfast. They're just so good though! I also have no idea if that antelope thing is real.

The re-make of the slasher classic "Maniac" staring Elijah Wood has yet to receive a release date, but the first 6 minutes of the flick have popped up online and are now ready for your eyes to gaze upon. 6 minutes sounds like a lot, but a few minutes is the credits. Then there's a lot of first person shots of a girl walking down the street. Then there's some Spanish subtitles. So I'd say if you like walking, subtitles and credits this is your movie.

It looks like NBC has officially put "Mockingbird Lane" out to pasture. I mean they canceled it. I'm not sure if my metaphor was clear. I'm not sure that was actually a metaphor either. God I'm so confused. But, just to confirm, the show's creator Bryan Fuller tweeted that the series, an updated take on the classic "The Musnters" series has been canceled. He then Insta-tweeted a picture of some really AMAZE grilled cheese he got at this little cheese shop he knows down in the Valley.

The good folks behind "The Walking Dead" will be releasing a new app this coming week at DeadYourself.com that will allow fans to zombify themselves and also offer exclusive content when the show returns on February 10th. Ya know what else you'll be able to do? Zombify ex-girlfriends! That'll show 'em, huh? Maybe then you'll finally get up the courage to ask for your Phish CDs back. You need those Phish CDs.

David S. Goyer has taken to the internets to shoot down any rumors floating around that he will be directing the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Hellsing", a new film about a secret agency who battles the forces of evil. No word on who will be taking to the chair or where the rumor started but if I were to guess I'd bet it's those pricks over at The National Enquirer. That still exists rights?

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a father who's been arrested for beating his two kids because they farted in the car. It's hard not to get a little misty. That could be the gas though.

A 50 year old Florida woman is facing battery charges after she beat the holy living hell out of her 32 year old boyfriend for not making sure her needs were met in the bedroom after he got his jollies. I'm not really sure how else to word this without making you, myself and everyone else uncomfortable.

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