I know I said I'd write the news again and I know I super didn't write the news yesterday but just to be clear I did write it Sunday night and then accidentally hit the back button before saving my post. So technically I did write it, just no one saw it. It was my funniest ever. A lot funnier than today's. Sorry folks.
For those of you who don't subscribe to Showtime or don't know how to illegally download TV shows off the internet like most of America you'll be excited to know that "Dexter" is finally coming to Netflix streaming on October 31st. Well to be more accurate seasons 1 through 5 will be coming to Netflix on the 31st and the rest of the seasons will hit on January 1st. So come January 2nd there will be a whole new crop of people complaining about how the show ended. Happy holidays.
I never remember what movies Neill Blomkamp has made but I do remember always thinking his name sounds like one of those insane sexual acts that no one ever really does but people seem to all know about. What a dirty dirty man. And apparently Sigourney Weaver is a dirty girl because she's signed on to his next film titled "Chappie". No word on what role she'll play but the film is about a robot with mad crazy artificial intelligence skills who gets kidnapped by a couple of gangsters. Kind of like "Short Circuit" but without all of the comedy and an Italian guy doing a terrible Indian accent.
Last week I broke the exclusive news that Clive Barker would be personally writing the script for the upcoming "Hellraiser" remake. I know, I was kind of shocked when he chose me to be the one person he told. Of course he also asked me not to tell anyone else and now we're fighting but it was kind of worth it ya know? Plus, that guy loves an Edible Arrangement so I'm pretty sure I can make it up to him pretty easily. The point I'm getting to here is that he told some other people that the film will in fact be rated R. So now I'm telling you.
Kevin Tancharoen has apparently been onboard to direct the "Mortal Kombat" reboot for about 3 years now. He's decided to leave the project though. Cause ya, it's been 3 years or something. I don't know, I lost interest in stuff after about a week. Case in point the frequency of these news posts. Just saying.
Here's a heartwarming story about a woman in China who met a sweet man online and eventually liked him so much that she arranged a sexy meet up with him, to have sexy sex that is. Only a couple of problems here though. First, she was married and second she had actually arranged to have sex with her father in law by mistake. What's worse is her husband found the emails she was sending and turned up at the hotel to break up the meeting. Oh I bet they all had a good laugh over that mix up.
Chris Fedak, one half of the duo that brought you "Chuck" has set his sights on a new project based on the magic of Mr. Harry Houdini. The story will focus on a high school kid who discovers a link to the legendary magician and must use clues left from him to uncover a great secret. No word yet on title, cast or filming dates so you're welcome for all the exciting details.
If you're excited about "Mockingbird Lane" then prepare to get a full on robot chubby when you hear the news that the show's producer Bryan Fuller has dropped word that some of your favorite Universal monsters will also be popping up in the show. The Wolfman, Frankenstein, Dracula and a gaggle of others are planned for the show which is a reboot of the classic 60's sitcom "The Munsters". I guess I don't know for sure one of those is your favorite. But I think it's a safe guess. I'm sorry I assume things sometimes.
I refuse to watch any web series because let's be honest if it was really that good it would be on TV because that's where good things go. But someone must have been watching "Mortal Kombat: Legacy" because the series creator Kevin Tancharoen has let the world know he's working on a second season that will focus on the tournament itself rather than character story. I assume that means the first season focused on the character's story. I don't know. I already said I didn't watch it. The web is dumb.
If you're a fan of the podcast you know that we were all pretty giddy over the Aussie flick "The Loved Ones". Well good news for all of you who don't have big Hollywood hook ups who give us big bags of cash to view screeners like us because the flick is going to hit DVD on September 11th. Why would someone from Hollywood pay us to watch a movie from Australia you might be asking. Shut up don't question me. The disc will include the unrated version of the film along with cast and crew interviews. You will not be able to understand a word of it.
In Real People News:
Writing your own obituary before you die is a nice touch. You can make sure everyone knows exactly what you feel without having to worry about them being pissed at you. Like this guy from Utah who admitted to stealing a safe from a drive-in back in 1971, being banned from Disneyland and Seaworld and having a fake PhD. It must have been nice to get that off his chest.