I know I said I'd write the news again and I know I super didn't write the news yesterday but just to be clear I did write it Sunday night and then accidentally hit the back button before saving my post. So technically I did write it, just no one saw it. It was my funniest ever. A lot funnier than today's. Sorry folks.
For those of you who don't subscribe to Showtime or don't know how to illegally download TV shows off the internet like most of America you'll be excited to know that "Dexter" is finally coming to Netflix streaming on October 31st. Well to be more accurate seasons 1 through 5 will be coming to Netflix on the 31st and the rest of the seasons will hit on January 1st. So come January 2nd there will be a whole new crop of people complaining about how the show ended. Happy holidays.
I never remember what movies Neill Blomkamp has made but I do remember always thinking his name sounds like one of those insane sexual acts that no one ever really does but people seem to all know about. What a dirty dirty man. And apparently Sigourney Weaver is a dirty girl because she's signed on to his next film titled "Chappie". No word on what role she'll play but the film is about a robot with mad crazy artificial intelligence skills who gets kidnapped by a couple of gangsters. Kind of like "Short Circuit" but without all of the comedy and an Italian guy doing a terrible Indian accent.
Last week I broke the exclusive news that Clive Barker would be personally writing the script for the upcoming "Hellraiser" remake. I know, I was kind of shocked when he chose me to be the one person he told. Of course he also asked me not to tell anyone else and now we're fighting but it was kind of worth it ya know? Plus, that guy loves an Edible Arrangement so I'm pretty sure I can make it up to him pretty easily. The point I'm getting to here is that he told some other people that the film will in fact be rated R. So now I'm telling you.
Kevin Tancharoen has apparently been onboard to direct the "Mortal Kombat" reboot for about 3 years now. He's decided to leave the project though. Cause ya, it's been 3 years or something. I don't know, I lost interest in stuff after about a week. Case in point the frequency of these news posts. Just saying.
Here's a heartwarming story about a woman in China who met a sweet man online and eventually liked him so much that she arranged a sexy meet up with him, to have sexy sex that is. Only a couple of problems here though. First, she was married and second she had actually arranged to have sex with her father in law by mistake. What's worse is her husband found the emails she was sending and turned up at the hotel to break up the meeting. Oh I bet they all had a good laugh over that mix up.
As a huge "Alien" and "Aliens" fan, I get drawn towards a lot of art projects inspired by the franchise, but seldom do I find something that creeps me out more than the actual movie! Enter Portrait Sculptor and Prop Builder Sculptor Steve! Originally found on Buzzfeed, this meticulous silicone sculpt of Sigourney Weaver was created using photos from 1986's "Aliens"!
Unlike many sci-fi or horror films that require huge leaps of faith or suspensions of disbelief, perhaps the only thing that "Red Lights," the new film from Rodrigo Cortes ("Buried"), asks of the audience is that they presuppose "The X-Files" never existed. Mulder and Scully famously made skepticism cool as they toured around the world investigating paranormal events.
If you know one thing about me it's that I am a giant Greek mythology buff. Yes I know I've never mentioned it but I'm pretty sure you can tell just by looking into my eyes. They're so blue and dreamy. So the news that a film titled "Theseus" is in the works and will follow the zany antics of the warriors who battled and defeated (spoiler alert) the legendary minotaur has got me all in a tizzy. No real details are being released yet but Javor Gardev has already signed on to direct. Seriously check out my eyes sometime. You'll get lost in them.
I feel like I've written more about "The Exorcist" in the past month than I have my entire existence as a internet sensation. Granted I've only been the leader in internet content for about 2 years and during that time not much has happened so it kind of makes sense. So just to catch you up about a month ago a rumor was out that there was a tv show based on the film in the works. Then it came out that the show was BS but William Friedkin, who owns the rights to the story, was working on his own show. Now today he says that's actually crap too and the idea of a series based on an exorcism is awful. So now we're done with this. Until next week.
21 year old Matt Shively is the first name to be attached to "Paranormal Activity 4" which hits theaters on October 19th. He's reportedly playing the role of 'Alex' who I do not remember from any of the other films but honestly if I was forced at gun point to name anything other than "spooky ghost you can't see" I'd be dead right now.
Sigourney Weaver says James Cameron is going to shoot "Avatar 2" right along with 3 and 4 at the same time. In honor of this I will see those movies at the same time also. I'll set up 4 giant TV's, I'll toss in the original for good measure, and let the visuals blow my mind. I kid of course. I'm never going to watch those.
What the hell is K-2? I need someone to explain this to me because a guy in Texas was high on it when he attacked his neighbors and then killed and ate his dog. I wonder if you could take that before going on one of those Fear Factor shows. If you'd eat a entire dog I'm sure you'd down half a cow's brain and jump through fire.
"Buried" director Rodrigo Cortes is starting to turn Hollywood heads despite the fact that his first film hasn't even been released yet. Signing on for his next project, the director will be tackling "Red Lights", a paranormal thriller involving the human brain. He continues to draw the star power as well with Sigourney Weaver signed on to star.
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, the film makers responsible for the likes of "Date Movie" and "Epic Movie" are aiming their sights on "Twilight" for their next sendup. Could this be the first of their movies that people actually flock to see?
An Italian teacher decided he had had enough of students wearing their low slung jeans to school so he took it upon himself to show them how ridiculous it looked. For some reason, he decided thatdropping his pants in front of his class would be the best way to do it.
Those crazy teens are at it again as they've invented a new way to get trashed. Called 'eyeballing', the kids have taken to speeding up their intoxication by pouring vodka into their eyes and letting the alcohol be absorbed.
On this day in history:
1897 - The first copies of the classic vampire novel Dracula, by Irish writer Bram Stoker, appear in London bookshops on this day in 1897.
Prepare yourself; Sigourney Weaver is going to bite you. The veteran actress has signed on to play a Queen Vampire in Amy Heckerling's horror comedy, "Vamps"! Weaver will be starring alongside Alicia Silverstone and Kristen Ritter.
Liv Ullman will be in "The Ghost Brothers of Darkland County", a musical collaboration between John Mellencamp and Stephen King. Read that again; 'a musical collaboration between John Mellencamp and Stephen King'!
Out promoting her upcoming movie "Avatar" that you may have heard of, Sigourney Weaver drops some possible plot bombs pertaining to "Ghostbusters 3". These are pretty juicy details, so I will leave them out of this post. If you're intrigued as to the future of Peter Venkman and Oscar the baby? Be sure to click through.
A drunken Chinese boy mystifies doctors as he magically changes the channel on the television every time he rolls over. Further testing proved that the magic came from the remote control lodged in his anus.