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Horror Headlines: Friday December 7th, 2012

Yes I know it's been over a month since I last wrote the news for you and yes I know you probably want some sort of explanation. Well you aren't going to get one I'm sorry. You can get a brief story about how I'm watching "Jurassic Park" right now and loving it. That's pretty much the entire story actually. I love this movie and I'm watching it right now while I type the news. Roll credits.

The big screen adaptation of Peter Heller's post-apocalyptic novel "The Dog Stars" has been picked up by Constantin Films, the same company that brought us the "Resident Evil" franchise, for production. Still being planned, the film will focus on a man who survives a deadly virus outbreak that kills off most of the world's population and his hopes of finding the promise land. I assume that means the last Hooters in America with running water.

If there's one complaint people have about Guillermo del Toro's 2006 acid trip flick "Pan's Labyrinth" it's that there isn't nearly enough singing and dancing. Truth be told that's really the biggest complaint most people have about most horror flicks isn't it. Well good news showgirls, it looks like the musical will be coming to the city that never sleeps sometime in the near future. The good news here is that Guillermo is on board as a producer so maybe this will turn out to be pretty sweet. Maybe the pre-show meal we have over at Bubba Gump shrimp wont give us all the runs either.

"Silence Of the Lambs" director Jonathan Demme has officially stepped down as the director of the movie adaptation of Stephen King's "11/22/63". The film, about a time traveler who tries to stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy was announced over a year ago and has not had much movement since then so what's next remains to be seen. The good news here is I just started reading this book and it's long as hell so if they can drag this out for a year or so I might finish it by the time the film sees the light of day.

If you've been unable to sleep because you're so excited to find out what "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is going to be about then get your PJ's on because tonight you're going to rest like a baby. Andy Serkis, the guy who played Caesar the ape in the first film has dropped word that the film will focus on Caesar's interaction with the remaining humans left on the earth after a deadly virus breaks out. Serkis will of course play Caesar again and I will of course still have trouble giving a crap about a bunch of monkeys that should of just been drowned in the first act of the last film.

In Real People News: 

A Tennessee woman is facing charges after she accused a man she met online of forcing himself on her and it later turned out that she was just really unhappy with the consensual sex they did have. Thank the lord this story didn't come out when I was in college because there's two and a half women out there that could have really caused some problem for me. Don't ask.

A Pennsylvania woman is under arrest after she stabbed her boyfriend for taking the last beer. If her mug shot didn't look like a entire trailer court got together for an orgy and she was the child produced from it then I think I might have been in love.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 4th, 2011

We're just a week away from the release of "Battle: Los Angeles" and to keep the excitement rolling we've got a new clip for your viewing pleasure. In the clip some of America's finest square off with some "aliens" in the sewers. I put the aliens in quotes because honestly I'm not sure if they're little green men or those Cirque du Soleil weirdos. Either way I agree they must be destroyed.

Despite there not being a cast or director it's been announced that the next installment in the "Resident Evil" franchise will be released on September 14, 2012. Word has it this time we might be looking at a prequel which might mean no Milla Jovovich. Or maybe a CGI version of her... without mom hips... There, I said it.

In other movies that are so far off it seems kind of ridiculous "Mad Max: Fury Road", the fourth installment in the Mad Max series, is officially set to begin filming next January in Australia. Of course the long delay is due to trouble with weather conditions so you can't really stomp your feet and suck your thumb on this one. But I bet you will, you big baby.

I know I'm being stupid here but I'm still super excited about the "Conan the Barbarian" reboot coming out and this new motion poster has got me fired up. Even if it is in 3D and even if it's Sans-Arnold and there's not a Grace Slick in sight. Even if it's directed by the same guy who made the "Friday the 13th" reboot and even if it does star a guy who looks like he should be seducing unsuspecting daughters at crappy resorts in the Bahamas. Even with all those things folks, this movie is going to be awesome.

In Real People News: 

Let this be a lesson to you ladies. When your man is high on meth and he wants to leave, not even jumping on the hood of the car is going to stop him. Because any meth head worth his salt is going to do what this guy in California did and speed away anyway. And by speed away I mean drive for 30 miles on the highway at speeds up to 100 mph. This would sound like some sort of 80's slapstick comedy if it wasn't for the meth and all.

An Illinois man wrecked his car after he passed out behind the wheel while driving home from having his tongue pierced. I don't know if the accident is really that weird a story but I had no idea people still get their tongues pierced. Was he getting ready for the big Marilyn Manson show? I hope he didn't mess up his Farfrompuken shirt.

Episode 146 - 2010 Year in Review

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The best and worst horror films of 2010, and what to look forward to in 2011.

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 3rd, 2010

The team of Eli Roth and Eric Newman will once again team up for "Psycho Killer". The film that follows both a serial killer, a psycho and an officer will be written by Andrew Kevin Walker who brought us all "Seven". Not too shabby sounding huh? And I avoided the obvious Talking Heads reference.

And let the avalanche of crap begin. "FDR: American Badass" is a new film that will follow Franklin D. Roosevelt, written as a werewolf hunter who fights the hell spawn in his customized wheelchair. I assume there will be other president fighting evil films shortly after. I'd like to officially toss out "Martin Van Buren: Chupacabra Exterminator" as an idea.

If you love "Resident Evil" films but hate looking at Milla Jovovich's mom hips you're in luck. "Resident Evil: Damnation" is a full on CGI sequel to "Resident Evil: Degeneration" and it's got a super new trailer for you to view. Computers > People. That's math, you can look it up.

"Hobo With a Shotgun" is a movie, and now it's got a bunch of cool new posters, only two of which that actually feature a hobo with a shotgun. So that's a nice surprise. It's like Christmas if you lived in the worst trailer park ever imagined... and there isn't any cable so you had to watch old re-runs of "Monchichis"... like homeless people do.

In Real People News: 

Is this becoming a thing now? A 15-month-old baby girl survived a fall from a seventh-floor apartment in Paris yesterday. Way to go France, the Chinese did this a few days back but from 20 floors up. You can't do anything right.

Imagine how excited a Vermont man was when he opened the door to find a man dressed in a gorilla suit standing there. Now imagine how disappointed her was when that gorilla then took out a sharp object and stabbed the man. Gorillas, nature's assholes.

On this day in history: 

1982 – The Salang tunnel fire in Afghanistan kills up to 2,000 people.

Review: Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D (REVIEW)

In every way that matters to the people responsible, “Resident Evil: Afterlife” is a resounding success. Thanks to the extra ‘3D tax’ on ticket prices, it had the strongest opening weekend and per-screen average in the history of Paul W. S. Anderson’s franchise. Though “Afterlife,” like 2007’s “Extinction” before it, was touted as the last film in the series, planning on a fifth film is underway.

10 Horror Video Games

If there is one thing I've been infatuated with over the years as much as horror, it's video games. From the early days of the Atari 2600 up until the XBOX 360, if I haven't owned one of the consoles out there, I've laid my hands on them at least once. Many hours have been whittled away staring at the TV screen with controller in hand, taking away from the time I had to watch my precious horror movies. Thankfully, there have always been a few horror video games out there to cover both bases!

Horror Headlines: Monday January 11th, 2009

Diablo Cody has decided she likes the horror genre. In a recent press junket, she talked about her plans to produce an upcoming TV series, "Breathers: A Zombies Lament".

Uwe Boll fans can rest easy. The director has announced his return to horror with the announcement for "Bloodyrayne 3: Warhammer". This news leads many horror fans to exclaim, 'There was a second "Bloodrayne"'?

Late last year it was reported that the next "Resident Evil" film would be pushed until 2011. News this weekend reports that whatever issues the film had have been resolved and it's now back on track for a 2010 release.

There's a French zombie flick in the works known as "The Horde". Judging from their new one sheet, the movie will feature both people with guns, and zombies.

In Real People News: 

Hong Kong police have arrested a man for dropping jars full of acid into night club crowds.

Lake Tahoe residents are being terrorized by a gigantic bullet scarred black bear. The bear has broken into over 40 homes on the Lake Tahoe shore, eats whatever food he can find then takes a large smelly dump which has come to be known as his calling card. Too bad John Candy isn't around to take care of the beast.

On this day in history: 

1960 - Serial killer Henry Lee Lucas kills his 74 year old mother. He tells Toledo police that he raped her corpse, but later recants.

Man Arrested Over Resident Evil Cosplay

Being the first person to arrive at a party is always awkward. Being the first person to arrive in costume to a "zombie crawl," and getting arrested because people think you're going to shoot them is, well, REALLY awkward.

Wearing all black, knee pads, a knife, grenade, a gas mask, and carrying what looked to be a machine gun, he walked into the Metro Clothing store Friday evening on Capitol Hill, which was sponsoring the zombie crawl to promote the Crypticon Horror Convention at the Seattle Center next weekend.

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