j.j. abrams

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 25th, 2012

Benni Diez sounds like some sort of weird Juggalo name but it's not. It's a guy who directs films and he's just been hired to direct "Stung", a new flick about giant wasps that will straight up murder your ass. Filming is scheduled to begin this spring, which I assume will give the filmmakers enough time to grow giant wasps. Woot woot.

Good news! The sequel nobody wanted has gotten a title and plot synopsis. I'm speaking of course about "I Spit On Your Grave Too". See what they did there? This time around we follow a young model trying to make it in the Big Apple who finds herself kidnapped, tortured and shipped off to another country where she's left for dead. Am I the only one who thinks the third one should be Oprah themed? I spit On your gave! And I spit on your grave! And your gave and your grave and your gave!

How the hell is it that Japan has had a longer version of Troma's classic flick "The Toxic Avenger" for this long? I didn't bust my ass in WWII for that kind of crap to be happening. Well good news freedom fighters, the much desired Japanese version of the flick is coming to the US on December 11th in DVD form. Not Blu-Ray, because Johnie Freedom don't need no Blu-Ray.

Fun fact. This past September the BGH crew was in an elevator and we were 99% sure we made "A Nightmare On Elm Street" it girl Heather Langenkamp big time uncomfortable. Turns out it was actually the step mother from "Terminator 2". Funny story huh? Anyway Heather Langenkamp has landed a small part in "Star Trek Into Darkness", the J.J. Abrams sequel to 2009's "Star Trek" reboot. See how that whole thing tied in?

In Real People News: 

A 20 year old Brazilian woman has managed to sell her virginity online for $780,000. I understand mine probably wouldn't be worth that much considering the same I was in at the time but still, I think there's some girl in the greater Philadelphia region whose name I can't remember that owes me a 10 spot.

It's been almost a month since I moved away from New Jersey and it's stories like this that make me miss the garden state something nasty. Yes, I mean this story about a guy who took a dump in the back of a cop car and then ate his own finger. Don't judge me.

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Welcome to July my friends, the most patriotic month in all the land. Unless of course you're not from America. If that's the case you probably just see it as a really hot month where all the Americans wear tank tops with American flags on them. It's a win for everyone.

I've never seen an episode of "Lost" but I know people are nutso for it and I know the final episode was crap. I think that's enough for me. But the rest of the interwebs might be excited to learn that Elizabeth Mitchell is once again teaming up with J.J. Abrams for a new show titled "Revolution." Mitchell will play a loving mother on the show that focuses on a family that must reunite in a post-apocalyptic world. Andrea Roth was originally set to play the role and she was on "Rescue Me" which is a show I did watch and no one hated the last episode of so I disagree with this move.

Olly Blackburn has replaced Gary Fleder in the director role in the upcoming Dimension Films slasher flick "Kristy." The film focuses on a young girl who stays in her college dorm over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 masked men. You might remember Olly Blackburn as the director of 2008's "Donkey Punch." I remember him as the guy who directed a movie I thought was a porn but actually turned out to be just a bunch of rich kids on a boat doing drugs and killing each other.

"Smiley" is a new horror film about a serial killer that can be summoned through the internet and actually looks not too shabby. Sort of. This isn't the news here though. The news is that the film will receive an October 11th release date via something called Tugg, Inc. which allows people to vote on what movies will be available at their local theaters. I don't know how that works so I'm not going to bother trying to explain. The film will also be available for viewing on the movie's website in both a PG-13 and R rated form. Later on it will also be available on VOD, DVD and Blu-Ray. Even later on though it will be available via interpretive dance performed by a local group of elderly tap dancers with hearts of gold.

If you saw "Shark night 3D" and thought "I really hope to see more of these actors sometime soon" then you're in luck because Chris Zylka, who was also on 2 episodes of "Hannah Montana", has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". No word as to what role he'll be playing and honestly who cares. The guy fought sharks, in 3D, anything he does is gold baby. Gold!

In Real People News: 

A woman in Australia figured she could get away with robbing a gas station simply by wearing a seriously low cut shirt and letting all her goods hang out, ignoring the fact that she's on camera with her face clearly visible and her glove-less hands put fingerprints all over the shop. Although at this time she's still.... at large... so maybe this tactic does work. I've watched the video 13 times and I still couldn't tell you what she looks like.

And here's a story about a man who had a 5 inch worm living in his eye. Feel free to throw up now.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 27th, 2011

100% honest here, I don't think my news today is my best work. Sure there's a couple funny quips in there but all and all I kind of phoned things in. I'm pretty sure I do remember how "Battle Los Angeles" ended I just couldn't think of anything else to write. I'll try harder tomorrow. I promise.

Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum have both been offered roles in the upcoming Wachowskis brothers film "Jupiter Ascending". Honestly I just don't have it in me to find out what the movie is going to be about so let's just call it "Matrix" with even worse acting and a ton more adorable.

I'm not sure anyone asked for it but it looks like Jonathan Liebesman is hard at work on a sequel to 2011's alien invasion flick "Battle Los Angeles". I know I saw the movie and don't think I hated it but for the life of me I can't remember how it ended. So I'm really excited to see where this goes.

I'm so Twi-Hard at this news right now I can't even stand up. Billy Burke, who's in all the "Twilight" movies in case you didn't get the reference, has been officially confirmed to be be joining the cast of J.J. Abrams' new series "Revolution". In the show a family will struggle to reunite in a post apocalyptic America. Burke will play a dad who discovers his daughter is in love with a vampire and a werewolf at the same time. Wait no... that can't be right.

Our next lucky contestant in the scoop up any book that has teens fighting in it is Lex Thoma who penned the book "Quarantine: The Loners" which is about a world where a deadly virus is killing anyone who reaches puberty. Teens form gangs and then battle for territory and survival. I hope some of them dress up like the Baseball Furies. Those guys were scary as all hell.

In Real People News: 

I didn't know this was illegal but a Montana man is under arrest after he got a dog drunk. Oh I get it now. It wasn't his dog. You can't get someone else's dog drunk. You can do whatever the hell you want to your own though.

If you're going to expose yourself to people you're probably going to get caught and go to jail. So don't even bother trying to eat all the pot you have on you. You're going to get busted for that too and now you're naked and all stoned our of your mind. On second though maybe you should eat it. What else do you have to lose?

Super 8 (REVIEW)

There’s something about watching movie trailers that turns me into a cynical curmudgeon. Seemingly every time I walk into a theater, I find a new reason to lament the death of modern cinema. I don’t exactly know why watching Kevin James drive a talking gorilla to T.G.I.Friday’s or watching James Franco bring about the super-intelligent monkey apocalypse irritates me so much, but it does. Very rarely does a trailer come along that grabs my attention and makes me think “man, I HAVE to see that”. Of course, there has to be an exception.

Horror Headlines: Friday May 27th, 2011

Oh boy oh boy! Amar'e Stoudemire of the New York Knicks if currently in discussions to sign on as an executive producer for the "The Strangers 2". I know, a Basketball player and a horror movie. Sounds like a perfect fit! Maybe some of his teammates can take on the acting roles. It'll be like those episodes of "Saturday Night Live" where an athlete hosts and no one watches.

Ken Levine, creative director of Irrational Games, recently sat down to discuss the much talked about "Bioshock" movie that everyone has pretty much given up on. According to Kenny though there's still a possibility and he'd be happy to see a movie be made. Of course based on the interview it sounds like there is no progress whatsoever but who knows. He then went on to use the word "pieces" so many times that I assume he was sitting in a room with a group of people who had agreed to do a shot every time he said it.

If I heard one consistent comment about Trent Haaga's "Deadgirl" it's that all the necrophilia is great but why isn't the picture quality better?! Well good news, you sick pervert who should be locked up, the 2008 sleepy hit is findings it's way to Blu-Ray on August 30th. For those of you not familiar with the movie it's about a couple of kids who find a living dead girl strapped to a table in an abandoned hospital and eventually end up having sex with her. I immediately regret telling you all that.

It's a slow day and everyone here at the BGH office has already taken off for the weekend so here's another new poster for "Super 8" which leads me to believe they're not even bothering to not make this movie look like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" anymore. Of course Steve Spielberg is the producer of the J.J. Abrams joint so maybe the two were at a bar one night and Abrams was complaining about Third Kind and Spielberg got sick of it and just said "well you try to make it better, prick!". What the hell do I know though.

In Real People News: 

I'm not sure I see the harm in this but some guards at a prison in China are in hot water after they were forcing inmates to work 12 hours shifts "gold farming" in a number of multilayer games. What that means is the prisoners would play games and earn gold in those games and then the guards could sell that gold in the game to people for real money. I can't begin to explain how proud I am of myself for not knowing that before I read the article.

"How am I suppose to get by without my cell phone?!". What no one saw "Doctor Dolittle 2"? Well if this 15 year old girl in Washington did or didn't I don't know but I know she did shoot her dad with a bow and arrow when he tried to take away hers. Which is a lot cooler than being able to talk to deer.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 19th, 2011

50 Cent, better known as Curtis Jackson by his new acting buddies has been added to the cast of "Odd Thomas", which is scheduled to begin filming shortly. 50 will play a blind DJ who helps the lead charter, a short order cook with the power to speak to the dead. And yes I am on a first name basis with Mr. Cent, he lets me call him 50 when we hang out.

The first trailer for "Good Neighbors" has hit the tubes and much to my surprise the neighbors in the movie aren't good at all. In fact the one played by Jay Baruchel might be a murderer! Google him, you'll be even more confused. The other neighbor is in a wheelchair, I can't imagine he's the killer. And if he is I'm going to take these filmmakers for all they're worth because I came up with the idea first. You read it here! Avenge me!

A new clip from J.J. Abrams; "Super 8" has been released and word around campus is even more will be hitting the net in the near future. In fact by the time you read this there will probably be 75 more clips of the alien invasion flick out there somewhere. Let's ditch class and go find them!

Maggie Gyllenhaal and her adorable little turtle face have been cast in the lead role of the new supernatural flick "Voice From the Stone". In the movie Maggie (yeah her too) will play a nurse who begins taking care of a boy who's haunted by evil spirits. The movie is based on "Le Voce Della Pietra" by Silvio Raffo and let me tell you, if I was going to recommend one Italian horror novel, this would be it!

In Real People News: 

Well today I learned a little trick of the trade from the fine law enforcement officers in Middletown Township Pennsylvania. Apparently if you suspect an ice cream truck driver of being drunk you don't have to waste your time with a breathalyzer, no you just have to look for the frozen bottle of urine in his truck. Guess what!? They found it in this guys truck.

Who hasn't wanted to eat a friend's liver? No one I know! But here's a guy in Russia who happened to be snacking on his buddies beer filter when the police burst into his house to arrest him for cannibalism. Not much of an argument there.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 20th, 2011

Evan Spiliotopoulos, who you know as the writer of the sequel to 75% of the greatest Disney cartoons has been tapped direct "Ouija". McG has already been announced as the director of the flick based on the Hasbro board game that has allowed me to speak to George Burns from beyond the grave. Every night I force him to explain to me what it was like on the set of "Oh, God!". I think he's starting to get pretty sick of it.

If you picked up "Portal 2" yesterday then you probably already know this, but for those of you who have a day job and can't spend all night being called a "Noob" by some 11 year old Australian kid over XBox Live, it might be interesting to know that Mr. J.J. Abrams has included a pretty cool interactive trailer for "Super 8" in the extras section of the game. So maybe go pick up the game, huh? Or just Google the video... it's a lot cheaper.

John Luessenhop, who looks like a guy who would be described as "a quiet man" on a news report announcing he murdered his family and ate them, is in talks to possibly direct the upcoming "Leatherface 3D" hot pocket. The nugget is a sequel to the 2003 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake. Did I mention the movie is going to be in 3D? And I talked about the creepy murderer director, right? Are you as excited as I am? Probably.

Leven Rambin has been cast in the upcoming flick "Hunger Games" in the role of Glimmer. Jennifer Lawrence will play District 12's Katniss Everdeen and the two will apparently battle to the death. This will apparently be the first film in a series that I have absolutely no idea about and if I'm being honest I haven't understood one thing I've talked about in this little blurb. I'm so confused.

In Real People News: 

If you're trying to win over a judge at your divorce hearing so you can say get custody of the family dog or something you might want to avoid beating the hell out of your soon to be ex-wife in the judges chambers. I don't know, I'm not lawyer though so what do I know.

An air traffic controller has been suspended after he was watching "Cleaner" on a portable DVD player while he was suppose to be directing traffic. Was he suspended because it was "Cleaner" or just because he was watching a movie in general? I've never seen or even heard of "Cleaner" actually, is it that bad?

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 22nd, 2011

Matt Reeves has confirmed that "Cloverfield 2" will 100% happen and that J.J. Abrams is for sure involved. Good news if you liked the first. Of course he has absolutely no idea when the film is going to happen so it's most likely going to be a while. Which is good news if you hated the first.

Seth Grahame-Smith may be given the opportunity to co-direct the big screen version of his book "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" along with David Katzenberg. I will go on record as saying that 100% of movies directed by the author of the book it was based on have been awesome. Keep in mind the only one I can think of is "Maximum Overdrive" though.

In "hey I bet we can get these horror geeks to pay for anything" news the good people Shriek Show will bring the cult classic "Zombie Holocaust" to Blu-Day on April 19th. No confirmation on the extras but I assume there's a 5 minute video of the president of Shriek Show laughing hysterically because you paid 30 bucks for a movie that still looks like it was recorded on your parent's VHS camera.

"Wood Wake" director David Keating has tossed his hat in the ring to direct the Hammer Films remake of 1942 classic "Cat People". How do we close the door on this one? Do you need my approval? You can consider this my official approval. You're welcome, Keating.

In Real People News: 

A Texas man recently went bat shit insane when he was informed that his Beefy Crunch Burritos at Taco Bell were going to cost him $1.50 rather than .99 cents. He was so upset by this that he shot a BB gun into the drive-in window and then held up in a local motel for 4 hours while police tried to arrest him. Not saying I'd do the same but when I found out they got rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito I almost burned that mother down.

A 40 year old ice cream truck operator is being brought up on charges after he was caught selling prescription drugs out of his truck. I'm pretty sure this was in the movie "Friday". Was it Big Worm? Did they arrest Big Worm? That guy seemed like a jerk.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 5th, 2010

J.J. Abrams has set the internet on fire once again as details for his next film "Super 8" begin to surface. Focused on a group of teens shooting a film on a Super 8 camera in the 70's or 80's, they find a nasty surprise when they finally get the film developed. Early speculation marks "Super 8" as a possible prequel to "Cloverfield".

The Spierig brothers, who last brought us the vampire thriller "Daybreakers", have signed on for a surprising new project; the boys plan on bringing us "Power of the Dark Crystal", a belated sequel to "The Dark Crystal"! Early reports state that they will continue with a mix of puppetry and live action actors, so Andy Serkis can turn his 3D motion capture device back off.

Sam Rockwell adds to his already varied resume as he signs on for Jon Favreau's comic book adaptation "Cowboys Vs. Aliens". Playing an old west bartender signing on to fight the little green men, this just further proves that I'll watch anything Sam Rockwell does, I don't really care what they cast him as.

In Real People News: 

During this past weekend's Free Comic Book day, a shop customer decided to change the rules a bit as he lifted a $150 copy of the X-Men Omnibus into his backpack. Thankfully, nerds will be nerds as the thief was detained by Spider Man as two Jedi Knights blocked the front doors of the shop.

Police were brought in to contain a drunken patron in a local KFC. When asked to identify himself, the drunken man stated "my name is Cheesy Beef Burrito". All while chewed food dribbled down his chin.

On this day in history: 

2349 BC - Noah's Ark lands on Mount Ararat, according to calculations by James Ussher, Archbishop of the Church of Ireland.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Wherein no one talks about people they banged in high school...

Podcast

In which we try to make sense of "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"...

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web