Revolution

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Welcome to July my friends, the most patriotic month in all the land. Unless of course you're not from America. If that's the case you probably just see it as a really hot month where all the Americans wear tank tops with American flags on them. It's a win for everyone.

I've never seen an episode of "Lost" but I know people are nutso for it and I know the final episode was crap. I think that's enough for me. But the rest of the interwebs might be excited to learn that Elizabeth Mitchell is once again teaming up with J.J. Abrams for a new show titled "Revolution." Mitchell will play a loving mother on the show that focuses on a family that must reunite in a post-apocalyptic world. Andrea Roth was originally set to play the role and she was on "Rescue Me" which is a show I did watch and no one hated the last episode of so I disagree with this move.

Olly Blackburn has replaced Gary Fleder in the director role in the upcoming Dimension Films slasher flick "Kristy." The film focuses on a young girl who stays in her college dorm over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 masked men. You might remember Olly Blackburn as the director of 2008's "Donkey Punch." I remember him as the guy who directed a movie I thought was a porn but actually turned out to be just a bunch of rich kids on a boat doing drugs and killing each other.

"Smiley" is a new horror film about a serial killer that can be summoned through the internet and actually looks not too shabby. Sort of. This isn't the news here though. The news is that the film will receive an October 11th release date via something called Tugg, Inc. which allows people to vote on what movies will be available at their local theaters. I don't know how that works so I'm not going to bother trying to explain. The film will also be available for viewing on the movie's website in both a PG-13 and R rated form. Later on it will also be available on VOD, DVD and Blu-Ray. Even later on though it will be available via interpretive dance performed by a local group of elderly tap dancers with hearts of gold.

If you saw "Shark night 3D" and thought "I really hope to see more of these actors sometime soon" then you're in luck because Chris Zylka, who was also on 2 episodes of "Hannah Montana", has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". No word as to what role he'll be playing and honestly who cares. The guy fought sharks, in 3D, anything he does is gold baby. Gold!

In Real People News: 

A woman in Australia figured she could get away with robbing a gas station simply by wearing a seriously low cut shirt and letting all her goods hang out, ignoring the fact that she's on camera with her face clearly visible and her glove-less hands put fingerprints all over the shop. Although at this time she's still.... at large... so maybe this tactic does work. I've watched the video 13 times and I still couldn't tell you what she looks like.

And here's a story about a man who had a 5 inch worm living in his eye. Feel free to throw up now.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 27th, 2011

100% honest here, I don't think my news today is my best work. Sure there's a couple funny quips in there but all and all I kind of phoned things in. I'm pretty sure I do remember how "Battle Los Angeles" ended I just couldn't think of anything else to write. I'll try harder tomorrow. I promise.

Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum have both been offered roles in the upcoming Wachowskis brothers film "Jupiter Ascending". Honestly I just don't have it in me to find out what the movie is going to be about so let's just call it "Matrix" with even worse acting and a ton more adorable.

I'm not sure anyone asked for it but it looks like Jonathan Liebesman is hard at work on a sequel to 2011's alien invasion flick "Battle Los Angeles". I know I saw the movie and don't think I hated it but for the life of me I can't remember how it ended. So I'm really excited to see where this goes.

I'm so Twi-Hard at this news right now I can't even stand up. Billy Burke, who's in all the "Twilight" movies in case you didn't get the reference, has been officially confirmed to be be joining the cast of J.J. Abrams' new series "Revolution". In the show a family will struggle to reunite in a post apocalyptic America. Burke will play a dad who discovers his daughter is in love with a vampire and a werewolf at the same time. Wait no... that can't be right.

Our next lucky contestant in the scoop up any book that has teens fighting in it is Lex Thoma who penned the book "Quarantine: The Loners" which is about a world where a deadly virus is killing anyone who reaches puberty. Teens form gangs and then battle for territory and survival. I hope some of them dress up like the Baseball Furies. Those guys were scary as all hell.

In Real People News: 

I didn't know this was illegal but a Montana man is under arrest after he got a dog drunk. Oh I get it now. It wasn't his dog. You can't get someone else's dog drunk. You can do whatever the hell you want to your own though.

If you're going to expose yourself to people you're probably going to get caught and go to jail. So don't even bother trying to eat all the pot you have on you. You're going to get busted for that too and now you're naked and all stoned our of your mind. On second though maybe you should eat it. What else do you have to lose?

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