uwe boll

... and it's called "Zombie Massacre". I'm glad to see Uwe Boll back to taking his films super seriously. As all schlock fans know, the best camp is the unintentional kind. It says "Coming in 2013" and has a link to a business website at the end, so I assume that means he's still trying to sell the film. Let me be the first to say, let's Kickstartr this thing, I'd be all over that hot mess in a second.

No one likes the French. Nobody. So news that French actress Lizzie Brochere has joined the cast of season 2 of "American Horror Story" is bitter sweet. Bitter, because she's French and sweet because... I can't really think of anything actually. Croissants are pretty good. Let's go with that.

Woman hate Angelina Jolie because she seems like a jerk and she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and while some won't admit it every man on earth loves her for the same reason. I'm done lying! So the world will love/hate the news that she's in talks to play a small role in the upcoming Ridley Scott film "The Counselor". The film is about a big time lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results. Have you seen her tattoos? She's probably a lot more fun than Aniston. You can't argue science.

Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the magical comic book "The Walking Dead" has landed himself another AMC show titled "Thief of Thieves". Based on the comic of the same name the story focuses on a master thief who trying to reconnect with his estranged wife and son while trying to keep his life legit. That's the first season. In the second season not much happens and everyone on the internet bitches about it. Just a guess.

Uwe Boll has set his eyes on freedom with his next project. The film is called "Bailout" and will set its sights on how the economic crisis has affected the average American family. I think this sounds great. mostly because that guy could kick my ass in a boxing match.

I have the smallest and most exciting update on "The Dark Tower", the Stephen King adaptation that had Ron Howard attached to it months ago and has yet to gain any traction. Well, it looks like one brave soul took to twitter to ask the man himself if he's still directing and always the gentlemen Richie Cunningham replied back saying that "I hope and plan to. Love it”. What a guy.

Mark my words people, anthology films are going to be the new hotness. "The Profane Exhibit" for example is new in the works and none other than Mr. Uwe Boll has just wrapped his contribution to the film: a short about a married couple, played by Clint Howard and Caroline Williams, who have kept their daughter locked in the basement her entire life. I can't even think of anything funny to say. I'm too shocked that Clint Howard bagged Stretch.

Bob Gale wrote "Back To the Future" and you should love him for that. And now he's going to do the big screen adaptation of Scott Hampton’s graphic novel "Trespassers". The story follows a group of mythbusters who set out to dispel the story of a local haunted house. They come to find out the house is all kinds of messed up with demons and a gateway to hell. And the only way to stop it is to build a car that can take you back in time! Alright that last part isn't true, but man it would be awesome.

I'm probably confused, but I thought "Cloverfield 2" wasn't happening anymore. But now director Drew Goddard has confirmed that he's officially on board for the found footage follow up. Although he kind of said it like he's in, so call some other people and get it happening. I don't know if he wants me to do that. I don't know anyone's number. I've got my own job. What a jerk that guy is. Putting that all on me.

Big news kids! "The Walking Dead" has been picked up for a second season and I've also completed this big ass puzzle I've been working on for months. The first part of that is probably the news you want to pay attention to. But seriously, that puzzle was a giant f'er, lots of blue and stuff.

A release date for the long awaited remake of Troma's "Mothers Day" has finally been announced. In a bold move the film will be released on April 11th, a full month before the real Mother's Day. Well played big wigs, well played.

The trailer for Uwe Boll's latest film "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" has finally hit the tubes. It's a vampire hunter flick based on a video game that's set in Nazi Germany. The fact that Boll is German doesn't make that weird at all.

By a show of hands, who wants to see Danny Trejo fight a monster created by a drug lord. Just as I thought! Everyone in America wants to see that, everyone! You're welcome, here's "Project X23". Now, who wants to see the government give me a giant swimming pool filled with beer?

Yeah, I know I know - when I first heard Uwe Boll was making ANOTHER movie, I thought the same thing: How the HELL is he able to keep making movies?" Really, has this guy made ANYTHING that wasn't a steaming pile of monkey feces? EVER? I bet this guy even ruined his own home videos.

Don Mancini recently sat down to discuss the long awaited "Child's Play" remake and the short and curly of it is there's no news, but he's open to it. So that about covers it. How's your Tuesday going? Mine's pretty good. Like what you're doing with your hair.

Everyone's favorite German Uwe Boll is working on his new film "Blubberella". The film is about the world's first obese superheroine and her battles with the forces of evil. But you probably could have guessed that even if I just gave you the title and the director.

Good news everyone! "Birdemic: The Resurrection" is already in the works. The original "Birdemic" was created by James Nguyen with his own cash and has gained a cult following by hipsters and sarcastic pricks alike.

Some new images from "Paul", the Sci-Fi comedy written by Nick Frost and Simon Pegg have hit the nets and I think I might be giddy. The film is currently set for a March 18th release and stars the duo as a couple of geeks who meet a real life alien.

Ryan Reynolds is coming back to horror once again as he's now signed on for Universal Pictures "R.I.P.D", the adaptation of Dark Horse Comics "Rest In Peace Department". Reynolds will be playing office Rick Cruz who recently died and as a result, has been transferred to the departments undead division. Also, he has killer abs... get it?

You know who we don't have enough news on anymore? Clint Howard. Thankfully, I can remedy that today! Take a look at Clint as Joseph Mengele in Uwe Boll's "Blood Rayne III: The Third Reich". It's up to Clint to figure out how to turn Hitler into a Dhampir before Natassia Malthe kicks his arse!

Classic horror mag "Famous Monsters of Filmland" is being brought back to life by IDW and the new cover has been revealed! Known for decades for its in-depth articles on monsters and make up extravaganzas, the return of this classic is pretty exciting! The magazine will re-launch at the Famous Monsters of Filmland convention in Indianapolis, IN July 9-11.