drew goddard

Episode 204 - "The Cabin in the Woods"

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Been a while since you heard us giddy...

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The Cabin in the Woods (REVIEW)

If it weren't already taken by a decidedly less impressive film, then "The Cabin in the Woods" could very well have been named "The Last Horror Movie". It would very neatly sum up what this flick seems to be aiming to accomplish.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 6th, 2011

I have the smallest and most exciting update on "The Dark Tower", the Stephen King adaptation that had Ron Howard attached to it months ago and has yet to gain any traction. Well, it looks like one brave soul took to twitter to ask the man himself if he's still directing and always the gentlemen Richie Cunningham replied back saying that "I hope and plan to. Love it”. What a guy.

Mark my words people, anthology films are going to be the new hotness. "The Profane Exhibit" for example is new in the works and none other than Mr. Uwe Boll has just wrapped his contribution to the film: a short about a married couple, played by Clint Howard and Caroline Williams, who have kept their daughter locked in the basement her entire life. I can't even think of anything funny to say. I'm too shocked that Clint Howard bagged Stretch.

Bob Gale wrote "Back To the Future" and you should love him for that. And now he's going to do the big screen adaptation of Scott Hampton’s graphic novel "Trespassers". The story follows a group of mythbusters who set out to dispel the story of a local haunted house. They come to find out the house is all kinds of messed up with demons and a gateway to hell. And the only way to stop it is to build a car that can take you back in time! Alright that last part isn't true, but man it would be awesome.

I'm probably confused, but I thought "Cloverfield 2" wasn't happening anymore. But now director Drew Goddard has confirmed that he's officially on board for the found footage follow up. Although he kind of said it like he's in, so call some other people and get it happening. I don't know if he wants me to do that. I don't know anyone's number. I've got my own job. What a jerk that guy is. Putting that all on me.

In Real People News: 

I knew that you can go to jail for packaging up flour and trying to sell it like drugs, but I had no idea you could be locked up for exposing fake genitalia to someone. I thank this guy from Maryland for that little nugget of knowledge.

Kicking in the balls is a real prick move when you're fighting another guy. Do the manly thing like this guy in Texas. Bight your opponent's nose off. It's just clean fighting.

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 2nd, 2011

If you're not in the know like I am then you're probably clueless on "Hunger Games", a movie based on a book where kids are sent into a giant playing field and made to battle to the death. Well since it's based on a book and the movie is going to make the kids go gaga it's only stands to reason that the books would now be re-released with the hot teen heartthrobs adoring the cover. So here they are, the new hot sexy covers. I just used the word adorning.

When I was a kid and I popped in a VHS tape I knew I was in for a good time when I saw the Cannon Films logo come up. The "American ninja" movies alone filled up at least 3 years of a young Joe's life. And don't get me started on how much I loved the "Breakin'" films. Sadly, Cannon Films is gone but Documentary film maker Mark Harley is paying tribute to the classic video company with a new flick titled "Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films" which has just been picked up by Drafthouse Films for distribution. Seriously, you should have seen my fat 6 year old ass trying to break dance. It would've made you throw up.

"Cabin In the Woods" is a new horror flick from Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon about a guy who goes to a cabin with some friends and then finds a bunch of weird awful crap. I know that makes no sense but that's what we've got for a plot description. Want to get even more confused? Check out the new poster for the film. It's got a cabin all messed up like a rubix cube or some crap. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Seriously, I was so fat and I was trying to do a head spin.

America may have never have gotten over the whole Tom Cruise going crazy thing but no one can deny that's he's just so tiny and adorable you want to lock him in your closet and keep him for your own. Every morning you'd wake up and peek inside the closet to see little Tom Cruise sleeping on the tiny little bed he's chained to. At night you'd dress him up in doll clothing and put on elaborate dinner shows with him as the star. All the while knowing that you've got one of Hollywood's top leading men as your little tiny man doll. It would be a dream. Anyway, Tom's going to star in "All You Need Is Kill" as a solider who gets trapped in a time loop when he's killed. I think I've said too much.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a guy in Florida who became so upset when his hooker didn't finish the job that he kidnapped her one year old daughter. I want you to sit there and think about that sentence for a minute. Now go call your mother and tell her that you love her.

And the insect take over has begun. Here's a freakin grasshopper the size of your god damn hand. We had a good run folks.

Snapshot: "Cabin in the Woods" (2011)

Plot details have been kept pretty mum on the highly anticipated horror spoof "Cabin in the Woods," so all that we really know is that the movie pokes fun at the typical stranded in the woods type of horror flick and that it stars Chris Hemsworth, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz, Kristen Connolly, Anna Hutchison and Amy Acker. Co-written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard and directed by Goddard, the film was put on hold due to MGM's money issues, but has now been picked back up by Lionsgate and set for an April 13, 2012 release date.

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