alexandre aja

★ ★ ★ ★

What are you doing April 12th, 2013? Washing your hair?! How can you possibly have plans already? Well you might want to cancel them because that's the date you'll finally get a chance to see the "Evil Dead" remake in theaters. And in turn that's the date you'll finally get a chance to lose your shit over the "Evil Dead" remake because you think it's a pile of garbage and the original is sacred and girls didn't talk to you in High School and now that your acne has cleared up they should probably give you a chance. All of those things will happen.

Alexandre Aja, the fella who directed the "Piranha" and "The Hills Have Eyes" remakes has officially been tapped to directed the upcoming big screen adaptation of Joe Hill's "Horns". The books tells the tale of a man who awakes one morning after a night of hard drinking to find he's sprouting horns out of his head. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, like he finds out who killed his girlfriend and stuff. There's some snakes too. The point is I read the book and I want people to know I'm literate.

Horror hot pocket Neil Marshal (I don't know what that means) is being eyed by the good people at CBS Films for their upcoming film titled "Hellfest". The film is about a Halloween themed park where one of the workers is actually going around killing people. This all sounds pretty awesome to me. The director, the story... the killing... well alright the killing part isn't awesome. Ya know, in real life and all. In the movie it's probably going to be cool. And I love roller coasters.

The trailer for "Battleship", a movie about the classic board game, hit a couple months back and looked like one of the most ridiculous things to ever be put on film. But reasoning be damned because Peter Berg is already talking about a sequel. And why shouldn't he. They've made three of those "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies already and two "Garfield" movies. Alright to be 100% honest I watched the first Chipmunks movie over Thanksgiving break and it was delightful. They're so tiny and adorable.

We review the most awesomely dumb movie of the summer.

Piranha 3D
★ ★ ★ ½

If you haven't taken a few minutes out of your impossibly busy schedule to check out the latest gore-heavy trailer for "Mutant Girls Squad", then shame on you. The clip is definitely not safe for work, so be sure everyone's out to lunch before clicking the link.

In the land of strange short films, Eric Branscum's "Future Self" is pretty darn weird. Clever, amusing, and extremely entertaining, yes, but weird nonetheless. After all, it's not everyday that you encounter a dastardly villain with a clock for a head.

Although it pains me greatly to say this, the international one-sheet for Alexandre Aja's upcoming cheesefest "Piranha 3D" is pretty freaking lame. I'm starting to have serious doubts about this one, folks. I hope I'm wrong.

Good news for those who loathed the "Friday the 13th" remake: According to producer Brad Fuller, the follow-up to Marcus Nispel's unpopular reimagining has been effectively shutdown until further notice. I doubt few tears will be shed over this news. Very few.

Fans of tasteless and depraved cinema, listen up. The latest round of promotions for Jen and Sylvia Soska's debut "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" are both disturbing and strangely hilarious. The film might be a giant piece of crap, but they've definitely ensnared my attention.

Considering that Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" is only a few months away, you'd think the studio behind the remake would be promoting the hell out of the thing. Thankfully, a load of promotional images from the moderately promising reboot have finally begun making the proverbial rounds. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to have my doubts.