neil marshal

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 9th, 2011

It's Friday folks and let's take a little time to plan out our weekend. The Mrs. and I will be venturing to Hershey park with our 5 month old so we can put her on the lap of some stranger who smells like peach Schnapps and Old Spice simply because he's dressed up like Santa. It's the memories that will last a lifetime, the tetanus will only be around for a few months.

What are you doing April 12th, 2013? Washing your hair?! How can you possibly have plans already? Well you might want to cancel them because that's the date you'll finally get a chance to see the "Evil Dead" remake in theaters. And in turn that's the date you'll finally get a chance to lose your shit over the "Evil Dead" remake because you think it's a pile of garbage and the original is sacred and girls didn't talk to you in High School and now that your acne has cleared up they should probably give you a chance. All of those things will happen.

Alexandre Aja, the fella who directed the "Piranha" and "The Hills Have Eyes" remakes has officially been tapped to directed the upcoming big screen adaptation of Joe Hill's "Horns". The books tells the tale of a man who awakes one morning after a night of hard drinking to find he's sprouting horns out of his head. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, like he finds out who killed his girlfriend and stuff. There's some snakes too. The point is I read the book and I want people to know I'm literate.

Horror hot pocket Neil Marshal (I don't know what that means) is being eyed by the good people at CBS Films for their upcoming film titled "Hellfest". The film is about a Halloween themed park where one of the workers is actually going around killing people. This all sounds pretty awesome to me. The director, the story... the killing... well alright the killing part isn't awesome. Ya know, in real life and all. In the movie it's probably going to be cool. And I love roller coasters.

The trailer for "Battleship", a movie about the classic board game, hit a couple months back and looked like one of the most ridiculous things to ever be put on film. But reasoning be damned because Peter Berg is already talking about a sequel. And why shouldn't he. They've made three of those "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies already and two "Garfield" movies. Alright to be 100% honest I watched the first Chipmunks movie over Thanksgiving break and it was delightful. They're so tiny and adorable.

In Real People News: 

A Virginia Beach man is under arrest after he apparently offered women college scholarships in exchange for allowing him to spank them. I'm not sure how these things works but I'm pretty sure if you set up a scholarship you're allowed to make whatever rules you want but maybe I'm wrong. The fact that it was called the Henry Allen Fitzsimmons Scholarship For Naughty Naughty Girls Who Need To Be Punished, or HAFSFNNGWNTB probably should have been a tip off too.

Meth Labs are illegal, no matter where you set them up, but you got to give this women in Tulsa credit for setting up shop inside a Walmart. I mean with their rock bottom prices and wide isles it really is the perfect location. Watch for falling prices!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 29th, 2010

Hey there horror fans, it's your Editor-in-Chief Eric here, back on the newsdesk after what seems like forever. Let's see if I can shake the rust off...

Your latest "Fright Night" remake news, straight from McLovin's mouth. It will be rated R. Man, that was exciting, wasn't it?

Wes Craven seems to have been attending the Rob Zombie school of marketing your movie in the 21st century. Or at least I assume so, based on the flood of BTS video and pictures hitting the internet since the film started shooting... YESTERDAY. I don't think I can handle this every day leading up to the projected 2011 release date.

Neil Marshal talks about his next project after "Centurion". Something something something, "bodies exploding", "3D", "produced by Sam Raimi". That's the gist, anyway.

In Real People News: 

So a Twilight fan (need I go on?) is suing the theater owner who had her arrested for taping part of her favorite vampire movie on a personal camcorder. Her defense? She was recording her sister's birthday party to save the memory. Oh, and she may or may not have recorded an additional 25 seconds to capture "her favorite actor tak(ing) his shirt off." Of the list of people she should be suing for causing her embarrassment, I'd probably put both Stephanie Meyer and "herself" on the list before the theater owner, but sadly, it's not my call.

I want a few sips of whatever Jenna Busch is on during this "Today Show" segment. Everyone else is just chalking it up to her being stupid since, as we all know, genetics are not her friend. I on the other hand am giving her the benefit of the doubt by calling her a drunk. Either way, not good.

A beautiful, hand-crafted, century old, unfortunately decorated quilt donated to local museum. Family not surprisingly unavailable for comment.

This story about a woman who passed out in her own vomit after huffing dust remover is still less depressing than the Twilight story.

On this day in history: 

1967 - Actress Jayne Mansfield is decapitated in a car crash, when her convertible collides with a parked tractor-trailer. To downplay the gruesome death, sources spread the falsehood that only her wig flew off in the accident.

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