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Viy

By Brett on August 02nd, 2013
★ ★ ★

Episode 162 - "Priest"

The team reviews the latest comic book adaptation to hit theaters.

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Horror Headlines: Thursday April 7th, 2011

Get excited iApple iNerds! Ghost House has joined forces with Trigger Apps to develop a handy dandy "Evil Dead" shooter game for the iPhone and iPad. They follow the path of the first film and then branch off into a whole new storyline. It'll also come with Bryce Campbell's home phone number. Alright that might be a lie.

The advertising hot dogs behind the upcoming film "Priest" have jumped in to launch an online game for the film. The game can be played in both 2D and 3D, if you can find some glasses, and for those of you that are hammed right now it can even be played in 6D. Because you see double sometimes when you're drunk. Get it? It was either that or a "play with yourself" joke so consider yourselves lucky.

I'm a firm believer that if dogs have the opportunity they will turn on us and make us their slaves. For that reason it's pretty obvious that all dogs should be put in cages and treated like deadly criminals. Apparently though the makers of the new short film "Play Dead", which has a trailer and poster out on the tubes, think when the zombies take over "man's best friend" will be our only allies. Adorable idea, but completely inaccurate.

William Fichtner, who I'm 99% sure is a robot, is all ready to join the cast of Neill Blomkamp's new sci-fi flick "Elysium". The movie also stars Jodie Foster and Matt Damon or as I like to call them Fostermon. I don't think they're dating or anything but it's fun to make up names for people isn't it?

Horror Headlines: Friday April 1st, 2011

A new red band trailer for "Hobo with a Shotgun" has hit the nets and it's everything you could want and more. And by more I mean there's a Santa who gets his head shot off. Unless that is something you want, in which case I suggest you seek help immediatly. It's Santa you sicko.

A new trailer for "Insidious" chock full of random quotes from websites I've never heard of has found it's way online and the obvious question is why I haven't been contacted for a quote. I know the movie comes out today but it can't be too late to get in on this. Here goes, "Insidious" is the most frightening movie to ever be invented and will make you soil yourself in the best way possible! I'm a whore.

The MPAA has emerged from their castle high atop the mountain of doom and bestowed a PG-13 rating on the upcoming vampire hunter flick "Priest". I think you can say the F word once with that rating right? Oh man I hope they do it during some awesome fight scene or something. Like Priest kills a bunch of vampires and then looks at the screen and goes "Fuck yeah folks!". So awesome.

Well that's a bummer. David Ellis calling his next project "Untitled Shark Thriller 3D" was apparently all a big joke! The movie will in fact be titled the much more boring "Shark Night 3D". You think I like to be made a fool of, David? It's going to take a lot for me to get over this betrayal.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 16th, 2011

Up until this point I've been very excited about "Insidious" and all it's spooky haunted goodness. But now there's some new images and video from the flick that hits theaters on April 1st. I'm not 100% positive but from what I've seen I think the kid is being haunted by Lollapalooza roadies. Look at the spacers on that guy in the first photo. They guy just walked off the Horde tour. No one under 30 has any idea what I'm talking about.

With all the bad news surrounding "Men in Black III" I'm thinking the only thing that could save it would be one Mr. Alec Baldwin. Truth be told that's my remedy for a lot of things including this weird rash I've picked up. But much like my rash, Alec is unfortunately not going to be the film's saving grace. He had originally been scheduled to be in the film but now due to delays he's backed out and because of that we're left with a movie that's going to suck and an uncomfortable itch.

If you're going to go see "Priest" and expect him to be doing priesty type things then I'm going to tell you to not waste your time. Honestly after looking at the new stills and international poster for the flick I think it should be called "Weird Bald Guy With a Cross on His Head" or something like that. "Priest" would imply that he does some sort of church type activity and I see nothing but motorcycles and giant cartoon sticks of dynamite.

Lastly here's a new still from "Scream 4" which shows a grisly murder scene with all kinds of blood and someone hanging from the ceiling. My guess? This is some sort of stupid movie set or prank that isn't real at all. In fact I'm willing to bet you all that I'm correct. Anyone who wants in on this just mail me 5 bucks. When the movie comes out if it turns out this is in fact a real murder scene then I will send you all back 10 bucks and a diet coke. I promise.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 12th, 2011

I'm like a little school girl for the movie "Priest" and the new trailer has got me all in a tizzy. I'm flustered, light headed and I think I may of started menstruating. Wait there's vampires in it? Oh man I'm going home pregnant!

The problem with being awful with names is that every time you read a headline about some guy's next film you get kind of excited. So when I read that David Ellis' next flick is going to be "The Briar Lake Murders" I got interested. Then I found out David Ellis is the guy who directed "Snakes on a Plane" and I realized this news is useless. So don't bother reading it.

Here's the new trailer for Hammer Film's "The Resident". What did I learn? Well Christopher Lee is still alive so that's nice. What was confirmed? Hilary Swank is in fact a man, which is not very nice. It's not very nice at all is it.

Just days after Joe Johnston admitted that "The Wolfman" kind of sucked there is now talk that the film could be up for an Oscar. Now before you go renting a tux I should point out that it's for best makeup which to be fair "The Time Machine" remake was nominated four years ago and only one person in the world liked that. If you promise not to keep it I'll let you borrow the DVD.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 28th, 2010

It's a new week, that means a new "Predators" character profile. This week you can sneak a peek at Danny Trejo as "Cuchillo".

"Scream IV" makes the news blurbs once again, this time with a bit of a blast from the past. Rumors are starting to float that "Friday the 13th" vet Adrienne King will be in the film. While nothing has been said of the role, my own bet is that we'll see Ms. King in the film's traditional opening montage started by Drew Barrymore.

If you've been patiently waiting for another Paul Bettany fix in his upcoming vampire feature "Priest", prepare to be disappointed. Bumped recently to January 2011 in order to cash in on this whole 3-D craze, the film has now been bumped even further until March 2011. Continued delays? Always a good sign.

Video: First Look At "Priest"

By Joe on March 16th, 2010