guillermo del toro

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 31st, 2011

The Guillermo del Toro produced and co-written film "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" has been kicking around for so long I honestly thought I saw and loved it 2 years ago. Of course I spent 3 years in the jungle surviving mostly on peyote and strange mushrooms so I'm not sure which memories are real anymore. But a full trailer has hit the net and honestly it looks even better then I remember it. I think.

Tom Savini has decided to dust off his makeup tools and come out of retirement to work on a couple of Australian independent horror films. "Redd Inc" is a revenge film that focuses on an online stripper who gets kidnapped and "Mary Doe" is about a woman who gets lost in the desert and finds herself smack dab in the middle of a zombie outbreak. Of course now that he's doing FX again we can only hope Savini decides to dust off the golden speedo one more time. The world needs it now more than ever.

If you're excited for this Sunday's premier of "True Blood" Season 4 than I'm sad to report you are officially off my Christmas card list. But while you sob about that loss you can check out the first 3 minutes of the new episode. I didn't watch it but I assume it's full of ridiculous accents and dry humping. The formula apparently works well.

Word around campus is an TV mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's "Bag of Bones" could begin filming as early as July. The book follows a man who returns to his summer home after the loss of his wife to try to break his writer's block. Unfortunately his wife's ghost isn't done with him yet and things don't go according to plan. Women, they'll even nag ya from the grave! Am I right, fellas? Is this thing on?

In Real People News: 

Jackpot Sanitation is a company in Las Vegas that specializes in port-o-potties, among other things. That makes that fact that one of their former managers is now possibly facing charges for urinating in another employee's drinks on a number of occasions. I can't imagine the "I couldn't find anyplace else to go" defense is going to fly.

A woman in Washington was recently hiking with her friends and decided to shoot some video of the exciting action. When she got home and reviewed the clips she realized she may have actually gotten video of Bigfoot himself. After viewing the video though I can confirm this whole thing is ridiculous. I've seen Bigfoot on a number of occasions and it's a giant truck not some hunched over freak. Stupid hippies.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 10th, 2011

Charlie Hunnam, who you might know from "Sons of Anarchy" AKA the only show still keeping me a man, has signed on to Guillermo del Toro's "Pacific Rim". The movie will be set in a future where giant monsters threaten to destroy the earth. Hunnam will most likely play some dreamy hunk who saves the day and I will most likely have to turn to my wife every time he's on screen and ask her what the hell she's looking at.

Speaking of men my wife would leave me for, Colin Hanks had signed on to the cast of season 6 of "Dexter". No word on what sort of role Hanks will play in the upcoming season that airs in October but if I'm a betting man I'd say he'll be the ying to Dexter's yang. No I don't understand what that means either.

Absolutely no one is excited about "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation" but yet it's still being made and now there's trailers to prove it. Wait did you say you wanted to see Sarah Palin impersonations 3 years after they were relevant? No?! Well you're getting them anyway. God bless America.

The latest director's name to be tossed into the "Leatherface 3D" hat is John Luessenhop and from his IMDB page I can confirm he owns at least one awesome suit. The film will pick up directly where the original remake of the original (confused?) left off and then will jump ahead 35 years. That may or may not put them in the future. I'm awful with numbers.

In Real People News: 

A Tennessee women is under arrest after leaving her 8 year old son home alone. In her defense she did leave a movie on for the little bugger. Her big mistake though was picking a movie that was too short because once the film ended her son picked up the phone and dialed 911. Always put on "The Godfather" trilogy when you abandon your kids. I can't stress that enough.

A 16 year old cheerleader in Texas has been charged a $45,000 fine after she refused to cheer for the two students that allegedly raped her. She was kicked off the squad after she refused and her parents immediately filed a lawsuit against the school. The fine comes from the court that called the lawsuit frivolous and fined in favor of the school. So that's a nice story.

Horror Headlines: Monday December 13th, 2010

Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are rumored to be up for the roles of Elizabeth and Darcy in the upcoming big screen version of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I have no idea who those characters are so I couldn't tell you if this is a good idea or not. I also can't remember who James McAvoy is but I do enjoy the work of that girl from "The Princess Diaries".

Guillermo del Toro apparently has 30 different movies in production and now he's got a video game. The game is called "inSANE" and there's a teaser on the nets even though the game doesn't come out until 2013. There's no game footage, no hint about what the game is and really no info whatsoever but hey, Guillermo del Toro, right? Right.

I am not the least bit ashamed to admit I watch "Glee" and by far my favorite character on the show is Brittney played by Heather Morris. Well, Morris is now rumored to be the front runner for the upcoming "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" reboot which means I may actually want to see it. Of course that's only if she plays a cheerleader with a pretty hefty learning disability. I think that's what the original Buffy was about anyway though, right?

If you're going to call your movie "Roid Rage" you should probably have some high school football players who go nuts and start murdering everyone. But the trailer for the film shows none of that, not even a Barry bonds reference. I'm starting to think the movie doesn't even have steroids in it. All of this would be shameful if it wasn't for the great one liner at the 54 second mark. I don't want to spoil it for you.

In Real People News: 

Police intercepted a number of packages wrapped as Christmas gifts on their way to New Haven Connecticut because they contained over 110 pounds of marijuana. Is it still illegal if Santa sends it? I feel like this should be the time of year where they let this kind of thing slide.

Honestly if you're going to run an article about a man who got arrested for driving drunk while watching porn you should probably put his name in the first sentence. It wasn't until the third line that I was convinced this wasn't about me. Even if it was in Indiana I still think it could have been.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 12th, 2010

Miramax is pushing the release date of Guillermo del Toro's "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" to sometime in January because of changes in ownership at the company. Normally I'd say this means the film is going to be a pile of doodie but it looks awesome so I'm confused. What does it all mean, Hollywood?!

Jamie Kennedy is going to be producing a horror/comedy currently titled "Granny". There's even a promo clip already made for the flick and it was created over a couple hours in a grocery store parking lot. So there's the quality we're shooting for folks.

For those of you across the pond The Prince Charles Cinema will be screening the critically acclaimed film "Big Tits Zombie". What's better is if you dress up as a "Big Tit Zombie" you'll get in free. Everyone else you're going to have to pay your own way.

Finally, for those of you in the NYC area or who are just a fan of good things in general the NYC Village Halloween Parade needs your help. The organizers are looking for donations to help keep the parade alive and if you don't donate you're pretty much saying you hate Halloween. Is that what you want me to think?

In Real People News: 

An Arizona man was stabbed last week after he denied his blood to his Vampire roommate. Man, that really sucks huh? Get it? Sucks! Vampires? I'm here all week folks.

On this day in history: 

1810 - The German festival Oktoberfest was first held in Munich to celebrate the wedding of Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig and Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 24th, 2010

There's some new photos from "Scream 4" online and it might just be me but Courteney Cox is slowly starting to look like the Ghostface guy. I think I just figured out the ending! They're twins separated at birth. Genius!

Guillermo del Toro is keeping his fingers crossed that he can cast Ron Perlman in his next flick, "At The Mountains Of Madness". The film is based on the H. P. Lovecraft novella of the same name and will apparently be in full on 3D. Ron Perlman in 3D? Get ready ladies!

Chloe Moretz, who you know from "Kick Ass" and "Let Me In" has landed the lead role in the upcoming big screen adaptation of the popular comic book "Emily the Strange". Exciting news for her, but even more exciting news for us in 10 years when she starts doing smack and goes off the deep end. I can't wait!

In Real People News: 

With all the blood sucking, porn like sex scenes and foul language I'm a little confused as to why this didn't happen sooner. "Sesame Street" will be doing a parody of "True Blood" called "True Mud" for it's new season which starts next week. Muppet Vampire sex, think about it.

On this day in history: 

1996 - The United States and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear weapons.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 22nd, 2010

Is there a "True Blood" movie coming in the near future? Apparently theirs rumors that creator Alan Ball and HBO are already in talks to bring the vampire hit that I watch on a weekly basis despite hating myself after to the big screen. I can't wait to see it and then cry about it after.

A new trailer for Simon Rumley's "Red, White & Blue" has popped up on the tubes and after watching it I feel like I need a shower. So I've decided to make a sarcastic comment about the "Iron Man 2" trailer that I had to watch before it rather then relive the trauma I felt. Man that Gwyneth Paltrow really looks like she's hooked on smack or something am I right? I think I'm right.

For those of you lucky enough to be in the London area, and I'm starting to think 75% of our readers are, you've got a one time chance to see Guillermo del Toro introduce and discuss his 1993 film "Cronos". The event is part of the Midnight Movies series and will take place on October 9th.

John Goodman has been added to the cast of Kevin Smith's "Red State". The film is about a bunch of kids fighting a group of crazed conservatives and Jon Goodman is not going to change the fact that I have no desire to see it. Honestly it was either this or I was going to tell you about 75 new "Saw 3D" images so you're welcome.

In Real People News: 

A man in Kentucky is claiming that too much caffeine actually caused him to unknowingly strangle his spouse. Which explains a lot because after my third cup of coffee in the morning I get enraged at the thought of you people not appreciating my news. I'll kill you!

On this day in history: 

1934 - An explosion takes place at Gresford Colliery in Wales, leading to the deaths of 266 miners and rescuers.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 29th, 2010

Another 3D poster for the upcoming "Saw 3D" film has popped up and it's everything you'd ever want and more. Just in case you forgot the producers wanted to make sure you know that "Saw 3D" will be the most 3D movie to ever grace the 3D screens in your 3D theater... 3D.

According to The Hollywood Reporter those nutty Weinstein's are still very much full steam ahead with remakes of "Hellraiser" and "Children of the Corn". Not enough for you? Well how about another "Scary Movie" for you to LOL at? There, I thought that would make you feel better.

Rumor has it that Timur Bekmambetov might be taking the directors role for the upcoming "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" film. The only other film I've seen of his is "Wanted" and I kind of liked it so sorry I just don't have anything sarcastic to say about this one.

Guillermo del Toro sat down with the kids over at MTV to talk about his ideas for the new "The Haunted Mansion" film which was recently announced at Comic-Con. I'm going to go ahead an apologize now for pretty much talking about it every time Del Toro takes a dump until this movie comes out.

In Real People News: 

I'll admit I'm a dumb guy and know nothing about planning a wedding. But I'm pretty sure I know more about it than the couple in Huston who scheduled their wedding in the Museum of Natural Science at the same time that the museum's "corpse flower" is scheduled to bloom.

And here's another reason why having kids is a bad idea. A 12 year old in New York called 911 to report that her mother was drunk driving. Sure the kid may of saved some lives by doing so but at the end of the day no one likes a snitch.

On this day in history: 

1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building, killing 14 people.

Horror Headlines: Friday July 23rd, 2010

The fine people behind the upcoming "Saw 3D" release have put out a pretty dandy 3D poster that will blow your little peepers out of their sockets. There's also a solid chance this will be the best part of this movie, so enjoy it while it lasts.

"Dexter Early Cuts: Dark Echo", which is a brand spanking new animated webisode found it's way to Comic Con and the internerds are all a flutter. The web series gives us all a chance to see what went on in our favorite serial killer's life before the show started. In episode three he goes out an buys all those cool cabana shirts.

Fresh from Comic Con comes news that Guillermo del Toro is going to be making a "Haunted Mansion" movie based on the Disney ride. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about this but apparently they aren't going to be asking Eddie Murphy to join the cast. Am I the only one who enjoyed the last one? I can't be alone here.

In order to build up the hype around it's estimated 2014 release the fine people behind the "Night Of The Demons" remake have released a poster. Alright the 2014 thing is kind of bullshit, it just feels like we've been talking about this masterpiece forever now. You can't rush Shannon Elizabeth and her perfection.

If you loved "The Mutant Chronicles", and honestly who didn't, you'll be excited to know that its creator Simon Hunter is currently working on a new a new flick titled "Safe House". I'll be honest, I didn't like "The Mutant Chronicles" and I could care less about this, but I thought I should post one thing that didn't come out of Comic Con.

In Real People News: 

I would love to mock this guy in South Carolina who was killed after he got drunk and tried to high five a train but I can't. Not because I'm a sensitive person and it isn't cool to make fun of the dead but because I've gotten pretty wasted and tried to slap the subway a number of times.

A two headed bearded dragon sounds like the most frightening thing Jesus even invented but honestly it's adorable. The kind of adorable that makes you want to go out and slap a train.

On this day in history: 

1984 - Vanessa Williams became the first Miss America to resign her title, because of nude photographs published in Penthouse magazine.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 1st, 2010

If you were one of the few people that were still concerned over the whereabouts of Jill Valentine in "Resident Evil: Afterlife", fear not; a new teaser poster confirms that Sienna Guillory will be returning to the role.

Indie films draw inspiration from odd places but "Last Supper: The Russelville Hacksaw Murders" takes the cake. Based on a line of dialog from John Carpenter's original "Halloween", the movie is about Charlie Bowles, a respected Russelville theater owner who decides to go nuts on the town.

Shannon Doherty isn't letting her early loss on "Dancing With the Stars" hold her down. The actress has now named her next project, the animated web series entitled "Mari-Kari" for FearNET.

This weekend director Guillermo Del Toro announced that he will be stepping away from the "Hobbit" films. For the story's genre slant, the director will be concentrating on a US Remake of "The Orphanage" and is rumored to be looking at "In The Mountains of Madness" as his next project.

Xbox Live fans, keep your eyes peeled on the Arcade this summer as they prepare to bring us possibly the greatest zombie cross over ever. This summer will see the release of RISK: Factions. The first faction we'll be facing off against in classic RISK game play? Zombies of course.

In Real People News: 

Bangladeshi prostitutes have been discovered to be taking a cattle based steroid called Oradexon to make themselves more competitive in the 800 girl strong brothels. Facing many clients a day, the girls feel that the cattle steroid makes them stronger for the days work as well as making them bigger since Bangladeshi men seem to favor large women.

Daly City policemen go searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack as they try and track down who was selling tainted drugs at the local Cow Palace Rave which left 1 person dead and 5 others in critical condition. At last count, they know of at least 70 people selling drugs on site that night.

On this day in history: 

2001 - In just two minutes, Nepal's royal family is nearly exterminated by one of its own. With a selection of machine guns, Crown Prince Dipendra massacres eight relatives, including King Birendra and Queen Aishwarya. He then turns the gun on himself. Even though Dipendra winds up comatose in a hospital bed, a government council crowns him king anyway. The new monarch dies three days later.

First clip from "Splice"

Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley star in the new film "Splice" about two genetic engineers and the creature they create when they splice together human and animal DNA. Written and directed by Vincenzo Natali of "Cube" fame, while the film looks kind of silly, I will totally give it my open mind in hopes it comes close to Cube's compact tension building mind-fuck.

While the creature in the clip looks kind of cute, like a naked mole rat, I can't help thinking they built an entire movie around a clip from an MTV hidden camera show.

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