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Horror Headlines: Friday June 17th, 2011

The premiere we've all been waiting for is finally here my friends! Yes of course I speak of Rob Zombie's Woolite commercial and much to my surprise it looks like... well if Rob Zombie did a commercial for a laundry detergent. Shocking I know. Look for our podcast on the commercial coming in the next few weeks.

Looks like the good people behind the upcoming flick "Mansion of Blood" don't have nearly as much patience as the folks behind "The Gingerdead Man" films because they just shit canned Gary Busy from the lead role. Apparently Busy had already filmed about half of his scenes but his pain in the assness became too much and he was booted.

I love me some Guillermo Del Toro but I swear to Jesus if you break up "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" there will be hell to pay. Rumor has it that Del Toro is in talks with Sunny's Charlie Day to play a role in his upcoming monsters attack earth flick "Pacific Rim" which is set for a 2013 release. Then again there's a new season of Sunny coming out in between then and if it sucks like the last one did then he can go ahead and do whatever the hell he wants.

99% of horror comedies are neither funny nor scary and guess what folks, the upcoming Halloween romp "Fun Size" will not break the mold. How do I know this? Because Chelsea Handler has just been cast in the movie and she's not funny. If you think she is you're wrong and I'm sorry. Just because she's kind of pretty and swears a lot doesn't make her hilarious. Trust me, I pay $75 a ticket to watch her talk about diddling herself for an hour at Radio City Music Hall and I didn't crack a smile once. You drop $150 bucks and all of the sudden a goofy smile and low cut shirt isn't so funny. Learn from my mistakes!

In Real People News: 

Everyone likes a little show with their dinner, that's a fact. But when the little show ends up sending you to the hospital the fun ends. Such is the case for a group of diners in Florida who had to be rushed to the hospital after a banana foster preparation went all too wrong and burned a number of diners. Always order pudding people, no one gets hurt with pudding.

And here's a story about a 29 year old woman in Washington who is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend's genitals with a knife during a fight. And that's all I can say about this without getting dizzy.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 19th, 2011

James Franco and Winona Ryder have signed on to star in "The Stare". In the flick Ryder will take on the role of a playwright who decide if the world is out to get her or if she's just cracking under the pressure of completing her next project. Franco will of course play a lovable stoner. Alright I don't know if that second part is true but come on, you have to assume that's what he'll be doing even if that really isn't his role.

I do believe I just found the topic for our next open week in the Podcast schedule. Rob Zombie has wrapped on a shoot in Vancouver for a commercial titled "The Torturer" for the laundry detergent brand Woolite. Weird to see a horror director taking on a commercial yes but throw in the fact that Zombie looks like a homeless man and the fact that it's for laundry detergent is enough to make blood run out of your nose. I'm sorry for doing that to you.

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" finally has a director my friends and it's none other than Craig Gillespie who is currently working on the "Fright Night" remake. He also directed "Mr. Woodcock" which wasn't a very good movie but it made me giggle every time I heard the name Woodcock so that's got to count for something. Teehee... Woodcock.

"Let Me In" director Matt Reeves has decided to return to the vampire genre by signing on to direct "The Passage". Based on a book by Justin Cronin the story focuses on a group of terminally ill patients who find they can be saved by being bitten by a rare bat. But wait! There's some nasty side effects. Here's a hint, they kill people.

In Real People News: 

If you're a 48 year old man from Florida being accused of child abuse there's not many excuses you can use to get out of the charges. Of course you could always try the excuse that the kids are just jealous of your roller skating abilities and making the whole thing up. That won't work either but man it's pretty funny.

Wait this is illegal? Two Texas High School students are facing charges after decapitating baby chickens in the hopes of breaking their baseball teams losing streak. I originally wrote that they decapitated a bunch of chick's heads but that sounds a lot worse if you read it wrong. Or a lot better if you have trouble getting dates. I don't judge.

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