hostel

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★ ★ ★ ½

Alright this one is pretty exciting. Carl Ellsworth has signed on to write a live action in your face version of "Goosebumps". For those of you who don't remember the original "Goosebumps" TV series back in the 90's it was fairly awesome and scared my over sized teenage boxers off.

"Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night" is an actual movie apparently and is currently in development. Sounds ridiculous I know but it's given me a great idea for a movie called "Paranormal Activity: New Jersey Nights". It will just be a video of me sitting in my living room, playing Call of Duty and shoving Cheetos into my mouth for two hours. You'll laugh and you'll cry... mostly cry.

Gilmore Girls alumni Lauren Graham has decided that Wes Craven's upcoming "Scream 4" is no longer something she's interested in. Actress Lake Bell also left the project last week, leaving me to wonder what the hell is wrong with this movie.

In remake knews, more details are starting to emerge about the forthcoming "It" remake, a project I'm particularly excited about. Although I might be crucified for saying as much, the original really isn't that scary, and the material could certainly use an update. Let the flames begin.

Because the entire world wants it, Sony Stage 6 is preparing to shoot "Hostel: Part III" this August. The feature will be directed by Scott Spiegel, the man responsible for the grossly underrated slasher "Intruder". I'm sure you're as excited as everyone else about this project.

Over at our distinguished competition, Dread Central, they have announced that, along with something called Home Media Magazine, that they are launching the “Reaper Awards”. The “judges” are veritable who's who in the horror mag/blog community—so they're no one important in real life—and they promise to “honor horror films as they are meant to be seen – raw and uncensored.” For a preview of this year's “best picture” winner, keep watching the sidebars and pop-ups of Dread Central for who ever is paying for the most ad-space—so far the winner is “The Unborn”, which is now available on DVD!

Earlier this week, Eric reported about Stephen Norrington and his upcoming re-imagining/remake/redux/reboot of “The Crow”. Apparently, in addition to that, him and Stephen Dorff are working on a prequel to “Blade”—a prequel trilogy, no less—featuring the origin and history of, no, not Blade, but Deacon Frost, the good-looking hipster vamp played by Dorff in the first film. That's like creating a trilogy based around the history of, say, Doctor Octopus before he became Doctor Octopus. Mark my words: this movie will never, ever get made. If anything, it was probably just some late-night pillow talk between Norrington and Dorff. But they can dream...

Merry Old England is releasing their first ever 3-D horror film, titled, whimsically enough, “Elfie Hopkins and the Gammons”. Based on the British novel “I Gots Gribblesnorts In Me Pockets!”, filmgoers will thrill to the sight of Shepard's Pie, bad teeth, the loss of the original thirteen colonies, Margaret Thatcher and a skinhead soccer hooligan coming right off the screen and head-butting them in patented “Fook Off You Wanker-vision!” The first two-hundred viewers will also get a free Dixie Cup of warm, stale Guinness.

As you may know, coming straight to video is “Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever” and apparently “Hostel Part 3”. While frat-splat director Eli Roth will not be involved with these sequels, he'll completely admit to “double-teaming some Kappa Pi bitch” at last weekend's “Sigma Epsilon Night to Remember Beer-Bash for Cystic Fibrosis”, which he sealed with a high-five and a “Fuck yeah, bro!” as he downed his sixth Natty L this morning. His eyebrows had no comment.