cabin fever

Let's start the news this morning with a well-deserved laugh: the new Fangoria blog. LOL. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Some people say that this ultra-basic blog is the death-rattle, some people say it's a possible rebirth. I kinda hope it's like a guy who's been in a serious car-wreck and has severe brain-damage, leaving him a drooling imbecile who has no real motor functions but is still, sadly, barely alive for years and years, becoming a drain on their friends and family who secretly wish that he would just die so they can move on with their lives, causing brutal inner turmoil inside them because they know that it's wrong to think of their loved one like that. Kinda like that.

Over at Dread Central, they score a nice coup with a short interview with Rider Strong, star of Cabin Fever and, more importantly, Boy Meets World. And while he does a serviceable job discussing the Cabin Fever legacy, not once do they ask him about motorboating Topanga's big fat juggs. Seriously...face aside, I could plant a flag on that pasty chest and proclaim it as the property of Spain. My God...did you see her in National Lampoon's Dorm Daze? That movie gave me arthritis, if you know what I mean.

Five-headed mangina Joss Whedon and hipster documentarian Morgan Spurlock are teaming up to make what is going to be the most ironic, annoying and patronizing documentary ever about the San Diego Comic-Con. Let's place bets right now that the man-mammed Whedon stuffs the thing with scantly-clad “Slave Leias” and then uses some sort of pseudo-feminist BS to make viewers think that what they're watching isn't Maxim-level jerk-off material. Meanwhile, Spurlock will comb his handlebar mustache with a PBR can.

What a coincidence. The same week we review Ti West's "House of the Devil", his forsaken horror film "Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever" finally has a trailer land online. Word is that West had a falling out with Lionsgate over the film. Combine that with the fact that this is coming out about 5 years after anyone cares, and you have to wonder if it will even make a blip on horror fan's radars. Still, it's polar opposite material from "House", so I'm intrigued to see how West (and the Editors at Lionsgate) handle it.

Over at our distinguished competition, Dread Central, they have announced that, along with something called Home Media Magazine, that they are launching the “Reaper Awards”. The “judges” are veritable who's who in the horror mag/blog community—so they're no one important in real life—and they promise to “honor horror films as they are meant to be seen – raw and uncensored.” For a preview of this year's “best picture” winner, keep watching the sidebars and pop-ups of Dread Central for who ever is paying for the most ad-space—so far the winner is “The Unborn”, which is now available on DVD!

Earlier this week, Eric reported about Stephen Norrington and his upcoming re-imagining/remake/redux/reboot of “The Crow”. Apparently, in addition to that, him and Stephen Dorff are working on a prequel to “Blade”—a prequel trilogy, no less—featuring the origin and history of, no, not Blade, but Deacon Frost, the good-looking hipster vamp played by Dorff in the first film. That's like creating a trilogy based around the history of, say, Doctor Octopus before he became Doctor Octopus. Mark my words: this movie will never, ever get made. If anything, it was probably just some late-night pillow talk between Norrington and Dorff. But they can dream...

Merry Old England is releasing their first ever 3-D horror film, titled, whimsically enough, “Elfie Hopkins and the Gammons”. Based on the British novel “I Gots Gribblesnorts In Me Pockets!”, filmgoers will thrill to the sight of Shepard's Pie, bad teeth, the loss of the original thirteen colonies, Margaret Thatcher and a skinhead soccer hooligan coming right off the screen and head-butting them in patented “Fook Off You Wanker-vision!” The first two-hundred viewers will also get a free Dixie Cup of warm, stale Guinness.

As you may know, coming straight to video is “Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever” and apparently “Hostel Part 3”. While frat-splat director Eli Roth will not be involved with these sequels, he'll completely admit to “double-teaming some Kappa Pi bitch” at last weekend's “Sigma Epsilon Night to Remember Beer-Bash for Cystic Fibrosis”, which he sealed with a high-five and a “Fuck yeah, bro!” as he downed his sixth Natty L this morning. His eyebrows had no comment.