Reviews

4/10 Grey Knight

"A brigade of union soldiers find Matt LeBlanc crucified upside down with a belt buckle from the Alabama 51st Brigade shoved in his mouth. As awesome as that sounds, it’s not worth getting excited about."

Posted 06/22/09 by John Shelton
8/10 Red

"The filmmakers have done a very good job of telling the story and tantalizing the viewer with bigger philosophical questions without trying to fix opinion too firmly."

Posted 06/19/09 by Tor
3/10 Alien Uprising

"Mix this with some dangerous character types such as violent prisoners who are so bad that they can't be trusted around any other life forms, and you should have yourself the trappings of a nice little space scare. "

Posted 06/19/09 by Casey
6/10 Spectre

"Moira is a braless, unmarried single woman in her thirties who has just moved into a house on the outskirts of town. Because of her seclusion and single status, the town's religious zealots start rumors that Moira is a witch and a whore."

Posted 06/17/09 by Chrissie
4/10 The Grudge 3

"Unless someone with a distinct creative vision wants to completely overhaul the Stateside version of this simplistic franchise, the only person who should consider another entry is the creator himself, Takashi Shimizu."

Posted 06/16/09 by Todd
4/10 Black Devil Doll

"I was not offended by the bargain-bin racial humor in "Black Devil Doll" so much as I was shocked at how lazy and thoughtless it is."

Posted 06/15/09 by mark
7/10 Black Sheep

"Any film with a scene involving three people and a dog jumping off the back of a truck before a sheep drives it over a cliff is clearly aware of what kind of movie it is."

Posted 06/15/09 by John Shelton
3/10 The Sick House

"Anna is a young archaeologist who has made the find of her career; an old hospital, built atop an even older orphanage that dates back to the times of the plague..."

Posted 06/12/09 by Casey
2/10 Raiders of the Damned

"If they were smart the filmmakers would have sold this thing to Vivid entertainment and let them cut in some sex scenes. The producers would have likely made more money and been spared having to read reviews like this one."

Posted 06/11/09 by Tor
6.5/10 The Devil's Chair

"After sucking down a few squares of tasty blotter acid, these two randy individuals stumble across a very crude, very ornate chair situated in the center of an empty, nondescript room..."

Posted 06/10/09 by Todd
5/10 Vampire Diary

"If that television show from the 90's, 'First Knight', and Stephanie Meyer came together to write a lesbian vampire love story, you would have 'Vampire Diary'.”

Posted 06/09/09 by Chrissie
8/10 The Substitute

"She’s like a psycho Mary Poppins who wants to bang your dad and then eat his brains"

Posted 06/08/09 by John Shelton
7/10 Piranha II: The Spawning

"James Cameron’s directorial debut and celluloid proof that Lance Henriksen has always been between 45 and 60 years of age."

Posted 06/05/09 by Tor
9/10 Mutant Chronicles

"Imagine the opening of "Saving Private Ryan", except with, you know, deformed monsters with razor-spike arms cutting throats and torsos with no mercy."

Posted 06/05/09 by Louis Fowler
7/10 The Last Horror Film

"There is a lot of depth to "The Last Horror Film" and for a movie that came out at the head of the early 80’s camp film rush, this is a rarity."

Posted 06/03/09 by Casey
3/10 Boy Eats Girl

"[Boy Eats Girl] is too busy playing footsy with its own dick jokes and fake intestines to move into something that could function as a gateway for a younger generation of horror fans."

Posted 06/03/09 by Chrissie
2/10 Blackout

"None of this supposedly engaging material, from the characters to the film's central premise, is the least bit entertaining."

Posted 06/02/09 by Todd
8/10 Acolytes

"Audiences burned out on the flashy, overly articulate, 'beautiful people' take on teenagers that most current American horror films take will be relieved that the Aussie teens in “Acolytes” are as foolish and moody as the real thing."

Posted 06/01/09 by John Shelton
8/10 Drag Me To Hell

"In a summer/fall season that's faced with nothing but remakes and sequels, I will always support an A-list director deciding to bring an original horror property to big screens across the country."

Posted 05/30/09 by Eric
6/10 Eden Log

"The key to enjoyment here is thinking of this movie as a good old fashioned "hard science fiction" film, such as the work of authors like Vernor Vinge."

Posted 05/29/09 by Casey
8/10 Linkeroever

"Linkeroever plays as a dramatic horror film. Events that in any other genre would add up to perfectly banal relationship tensions and melodrama, instead lead to surprising and sometimes supernatural conclusions."

Posted 05/27/09 by Chrissie
7/10 Re-cycle

"With their skin-crawlingly scary 2002 masterpiece 'The Eye,' Hong Kong-born filmmakers the Pang brothers (aka Danny and Oxide Pang) helped define the Asian horror genre, giving birth to an endless stream of sequels and rip-offs..."

Posted 05/27/09 by Todd
5/10 Growing Out

"Some people might mistake 'Growing Out's' kitchen sink kookiness for genuine originality but the hard truth is that just being different doesn't make a movie good."

Posted 05/25/09 by John Shelton
2/10 House

"Holy f@#$ing sh*t, it took me 45 minutes to figure out that I was watching a Christian horror film."

Posted 05/22/09 by Tor
6/10 Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

"While it does nothing to shake things up, 'Underworld: Rise of the Lycans' is a decent entry to the franchise."

Posted 05/21/09 by Casey
3/10 S. Darko

"Despite the filmmakers' many interviews where they profess to be 'huge fans' of Kelly's original film, they show a clear lack of understanding as to what made 'Donnie Darko' so compelling in the first place."

Posted 05/20/09 by Eric
4/10 Otis

"An intriguing premise and gimmicky characters will only get you so far, especially when we’re dealing with a dark comedic spin on familiar material."

Posted 05/19/09 by Todd
7/10 Stuck

"... Most people wouldn’t consider it a glamorous lifestyle, but for a girl who is a love triangle and a midget away from being a guest on the Jerry Springer Show, things could be much worse."

Posted 05/18/09 by John Shelton
6/10 American Zombie

"Zombies walk among us, shop among us, scrapbook among us, and in some cases have cat allergies among us...."

Posted 05/15/09 by Tor
6/10 Tooth & Nail

"Man, a post-apocalyptic flick starring Vinnie Jones, Louis Skulnick (Robert Carridine), and Michael Madsen? Sign me up, this shit’s gotta be off the hook! At least that’s what I was hoping for as I approached the DVD player."

Posted 05/14/09 by Casey

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