"One of the rules that I have worked to employ since starting this task is to avoid reviewing films that I have a long standing relationship with."
"Should satisfy hard-to-please fans of Japanese cinema as well as casual movie-goers with a soft spot for cheesy, love-encrusted romantic subplots."
"When last we visited the backwoods of West Virginia in 2007, we traveled in the company of Henry Rollins, Ken Kerzinger and a number of rather unpleasant mutants..."
"If the conclusion is weak, unsatisfying, or an unholy combination of the two, then the entire film is a wash."
"If [a film] can’t get by on looks, a film better have a good story or an effective atmosphere or strong actors or it’s going to get tedious and boring really quickly."
“Demon Warriors is a well-crafted, nicely under-milled piece of Asian gore action."
"When [Jerry's] perfect nuclear family starts to show its faults, he can see nothing but rage at his dreams falling to pieces."
"Not too many Pixar films these days feature an enormous, well-endowed female robot reaching a violent sexual orgasm courtesy of a large mechanical canine and his legion of army ants."
"It also provides a valuable lesson to the young and naive: If a prostitute wants to marry you, immediately check your food for foreign substances."
"If you write down the premise of "Zombieland" on paper and read it aloud, it doesn't seem like anything special, but very few genre films I've seen recently have provided such catharsis for me."
Unfortunately, while an under realized subplot about a serial mannequin mutilator roaming the dark Italian forests may make “Spasmo” the greatest effigy exploitation movie ever, it also serves to highlight what is lacking in the rest of the movie.
"Were I a dung beetle, and prone to doing dung beetle-ish things, I would happily roll "It's Alive" into a tiny, compact ball and joyfully lay my eggs in the center of it."
"While the mish-mash of obvious nods doesn't make "Pandorum" the best film, it does make it really entertaining in parts."
"I can tell you this; if you are not a Rob Zombie fan before seeing this film, this will not change your mind."
"Warner Premiere, a company which I have come to absolutely loath, has been sitting on this dark and twisted cinematic gem for way too long."
"The good news about “Murder Party” is that it is very, very funny."
"Overall it is difficult to fault “Blood and Sex Nightmare” for being bad as that is precisely what it aspires to be."
"I honestly can’t recommend “Drainiac” to anyone who doesn’t repeatedly and methodically beat their forehead against a jagged stone wall on a regular basis."
"Evil Things, while interesting and, at times, downright frightening, resembles [another] iconic horror movie in more ways than one."
"It’s precisely the kind of mediocre, undemanding thriller that casual movie-watchers eat up."
"There is an art to making the audience sit with disquieting ideas and images."
"Had [it] actually provided yours truly with an evening's worth of quality amusement, I could have easily overlooked the hype and silly marketing ploys."
"Small Town Folk is, on occasion, a sharp, well-written attempt at combining slapstick comedy with blood-soaked horror."
A group of sorority sisters try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank gone wrong, only to be stalked by a serial killer.
"This guy has done a better job of nailing what Argento did so well back in the 70s than any other director this decade, Dario himself included."
"Fulci’s film is a madhouse narrative populated with an army of specious country folk that deposit threat and craze into nearly every scene in the film."
"The problem is simple: There are simply too many chefs executing stylized recipes in the cinematic kitchen."
"If this trend keeps up, we can declare cinematic horror dead and just sit at home and let the vastly superior movies come to us."
"Paddy Considine’s fearless turn as Richard and the film’s quirky downbeat spirit manage to make 'Dead Man’s Shoes' a worthwhile watch for most people."
Wherein no one talks about people they banged in high school...
In which we try to make sense of "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"...