Snow White and the Huntsman

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 11th, 2012

I've already made all the jokes I can think of about thinking Ryan Reynolds is hot and I've also already made the joke about how I've made all the jokes so I'm pretty much out of material here. Let's just get to the point then and talk about how he's in talks to play the lead in a new film titled "Voices". The film is a dark comedy about a factory worker who accidentally kills a woman and begins to hear voices as he tries to cover it up. Then let's talk about those two pools of wonderment he calls eyes.

"Snow White and the Huntsman" director Rupert Sanders is apparently in talks to direct Tom Cruise in a dark new version of Van Helsing. I know people on the intertubes blow things out of proportion a lot of the time with crap like this but I'm 99% sure my eyes will shoot blood if and when I'm forced to watch this.

Troubling news from the "Chronicle" camp. It looks like the smart folks over at Fox have shot down Max Landis' script for the sequel because they just want the same film as the first. What Fox isn't taking into account is the first film wasn't very good. And that whiny kid's face was all annoying when he started tossing around cop cars and crap. And the first film wasn't that good.

Yes they're making a "ThanksKilling 3" and no there wasn't a "ThanksKilling 2" and yes the reason for that is 100% confusing. There's something about the killer turkey trying to find a copy of the second movie... which never actually existed... and then a lot of puppets die or something. I'm just lost.

In Real People News: 

If you're in Texas, 19 and about to go to jail for underage drinking I guess you might as well just reach down and twist the arresting officer's nuts. What do you really have to lose at that point.

4 cops in Milwaukee are in hot water after they were busted abusing their rectal search privileges. Apparently every person who does a rolling stop doesn't have drugs smuggled up their back side. Maybe it is best to be on the safe side and check anyway though.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 15th, 2012

Oikos Greek yogurt is on sale at the Palisades Park NJ Shop Rite. 10 for 10 bucks. RUN! Don't walk.

I'm just going to come out and say it. Tobey Maguire is a creepy little man child. He weirds me out and I haven't slept well since I knew he existed. And now he's been added to the cast of the big screen adaptation of "Z for Zachariah". The film tells the story of a girl who runs the only farm left on the planet with breathable air after the world ends. Well I mean I guess it doesn't end. She's alive. People come and meet her. This doesn't sound so bad after all.

Everyone's favorite.... I don't really know, Lara Jean Chorostecki has been added ot the cast of the upcoming NBC show "Hannibal". She'll play Freddy Lounds in the series I've explained too many times to count so I'm not going to bother doing it again. I've still only seen "Silence Of the Lambs" so I have no clue what all this means.

Terry Crews is both lovable and frightening. It's kind of amazing. I wish I was him... a lot. And now he's been cast in "Scary Movie 5", a film which is both unnecessary and not wanted. Wait no, those two things mean the same thing. I'm awful at this. Anyway I don't know what role he's going to play but if I was going to guess I would say big hulky man who is afraid of everything. Just taking a shot here.

I know we're all still very upset about K-Stew-Pat-Son Gate 2012 and I'm not sure this new development is going to make things any better. It looks like Kristen Stewart has in fact been dropped from the sequel to "Snow White and the Huntsman." I know, it hurts. Apparently there's three films planned and K-Stew will no long appear in any of them. They may also go back and digitally remove her from the DVD version of the first film. Probably not though.

In Real People News: 

Remember that old SNL skit where Dan Aykroyd plays a sleazy toy maker and one of the toys he tries to sell kids is a broken bag of glass? Well I think this woman from Oklahoma saw it too because she' under arrest for spanking her 5 year old son with just that. Seriously, the skit is hilarious.

Looks like one of the guys who invented Crocs has been picked up for drunk driving. Wait no, it gets better, apparently he blamed his drunken antics on his girlfriend. Who did he claim was his girlfriend? Well Taylor Swift of course. I'll be honest I don't believe she's his girlfriend but I 100% believe this is all her fault.

Episode 210 - "Snow White & The Huntsman"

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We debate who the sexiest person in this film is, and you might be surprised by the answer (okay, maybe not).

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Snow White and the Huntsman (REVIEW)

“Snow White and the Huntsman” is a Hollywood engineered butterfly crawling from a craggy, slippery, gooey cocoon. Throughout the film I couldn’t help but imagine how incredibly different it would have been had it been made under looser financial and studio concerns. There are just enough weird, gross, and critically minded themes reappearing throughout that it makes the remaining 75% of what we are given that much more frustrating and exhausting. This is particularly evident in the way the film’s main antagonist Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is framed.

My 9 Most Anticipated Horror Films of the Summer

Logan Marshall-Green, Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Prometheus

Summer movie season is here in all it's popcorn filled glory. Though as fun and indulgent as this time of year is for film fans, it can often leave horror fans wanting. Yet a strong set of films is on the horizon that should keep genre fans relatively happy throughout their summer break. So without further ado here are the 9 Most Anticipated Summer Genre Films.


9. Piranha 3DD


Date: June 1
Director: John Gulager

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