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Horror Headlines: Thursday October 11th, 2012

I've already made all the jokes I can think of about thinking Ryan Reynolds is hot and I've also already made the joke about how I've made all the jokes so I'm pretty much out of material here. Let's just get to the point then and talk about how he's in talks to play the lead in a new film titled "Voices". The film is a dark comedy about a factory worker who accidentally kills a woman and begins to hear voices as he tries to cover it up. Then let's talk about those two pools of wonderment he calls eyes.

"Snow White and the Huntsman" director Rupert Sanders is apparently in talks to direct Tom Cruise in a dark new version of Van Helsing. I know people on the intertubes blow things out of proportion a lot of the time with crap like this but I'm 99% sure my eyes will shoot blood if and when I'm forced to watch this.

Troubling news from the "Chronicle" camp. It looks like the smart folks over at Fox have shot down Max Landis' script for the sequel because they just want the same film as the first. What Fox isn't taking into account is the first film wasn't very good. And that whiny kid's face was all annoying when he started tossing around cop cars and crap. And the first film wasn't that good.

Yes they're making a "ThanksKilling 3" and no there wasn't a "ThanksKilling 2" and yes the reason for that is 100% confusing. There's something about the killer turkey trying to find a copy of the second movie... which never actually existed... and then a lot of puppets die or something. I'm just lost.

In Real People News: 

If you're in Texas, 19 and about to go to jail for underage drinking I guess you might as well just reach down and twist the arresting officer's nuts. What do you really have to lose at that point.

4 cops in Milwaukee are in hot water after they were busted abusing their rectal search privileges. Apparently every person who does a rolling stop doesn't have drugs smuggled up their back side. Maybe it is best to be on the safe side and check anyway though.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, March 1st, 2011

Welcome to March! In days of old the druids would celebrate the first day of March by taking some time off from Druiding and enjoying some fishing. They would spend most of February building canoes and the person with the best canoe would be given the title of Supreme Kleeton. He would be showered with gifts and given the best fishing pole in all of the Druid town. The person with the worst canoe would be flogged to death. It really sucked.

Steve Watson's book "Before I Go to Sleep", a tale of a woman who's suffering from a injury that has left her without the power to save new memories for two decades, has been in the big screen adaptation bucket for a while now without much action. But today my friends, oh today we have news that Nicole Kidman is in talks to take on the lead role in the film. So I guess that's still not much momentum there. In talks could be she went out to dinner, got drunk and said something like "Hey! I want to play the lead in a movie that sounds a lot like 'Memento' but isn't 'Memento'".

The short film "Archetype", which tells the story of a robot that begins to think on it's own, has been picked up by "Chronicle" producer John Davis with plans to turn it into a feature film. No word on when the movie will start filming but I'm hoping they turn it into "Short Circuit 3". I've been waiting almost 25 years for that movie to happen.

I've never seen "The Day of the Triffids" and to be honest I thought it was a Star Trek episode until now but it looks like Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures has picked up the rights to remake the 1962 film. The movie focuses on a couple left with the power of sight after a meteorite shower hits the earth, leaving the population blind and giant plants growing everywhere. "The Trouble With Tribbles"! That's the Star Trek episode I'm thinking of.

Bill Paxton has joined Laurence Fishburne in the cast of "The Colony". The film follows a group of survivors trying to fend off a gang of cannibals after the second ice age hits. How do they cook the meat if it's the ice age? God I hope they answer that question in the movie. That's all I want to know. I'll walk out of the theater once they tell me.

In Real People News: 

If you're going to leave your just-used butt plug someplace you might want to make sure that place isn't the back seat of the cop car you were just thrown into. I don't know proper butt plug etiquette though. I could be wrong on this.

A North Caroline man is with us no more after he accidentally drank gasoline and then lit up a smoke. A mistake any of us could or have made in the past.

Episode 197 - "Chronicle"

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Jon returns to discuss "Chronicle", plus Liam Neeson gets his own Tumblr

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

What we're watching this weekend, Schnaars is everywhere edition

It's been said that I see fellow podcaster Jon Schnaars' face everywhere. I'm convinced the guy who played Bucky in "Captain America" looks just like him (the same guy who played Blane in "Hot Tub Time Machine"). The lead actor in "Troll Hunter" also bears more than a striking resemblance, as does the lead in this week's podcast subject, "Chronicle". What can I say, the man has a magical, universally WASP-y mug. Come to a Horror Hound Weekend sometime, you'll see what I mean.

Snapshots: "Chronicle" will get its day with us, eventually

This coming weekend we couldn't turn down the chance to see Harry Potter's "The Woman in Black" for review on the podcast, even though another horror-ish film comes out the same week, "Chronicle". The plan, as of now, is to review the odd looking found footage flick NEXT weekend. I may be the only one, but I'm fascinated by the trailers, specifically this shot from the end where they're staring into an underground cavern and exclaiming "oh snap!" to each other. Okay, I'm in. Let's find out what's down there together...

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

This past weekend I put a bunch of those plastic insulation things over the windows in our apartment. It's like my wife, child and I are now trapped in a giant bubble of warmth. My only worry now is what if a skunk ever breaks into our place and starts shooting his stink all over the place? What do we do? We can't open the windows! We'll be trapped breathing in skunk stink for the next 3 to 4 months. Oh god the living will envy the dead.

Mark this down, I am the first one to go on record as saying "Playback" is going to kick ass. Please keep in mind also I make this claim after doing zero research on the movie other than viewing the new trailer. But Christian Slater is in it and the movie's about some guy who filmed himself killing his family and then somehow mind travels into the body of some kid who watches the videos. Tell me that doesn't sound amazing? It's like "Shocker" meets "The Poughkeepsie Tapes" with a dash of some other movie I can't think of but will make me sound really legit once it comes to me.

"Chronicle" is a new flick about a group of boys who discover they have the power to move things... WITH THEIR MINDS! And what would any red blooded American teenage boy do if he got these powers? Figure out a way to look up girls skirts of course. Proof is in this new clip from the film. I hope I didn't spoil the end for you.

And here's a clip from "The Grey". A movie where Liam Neeson battles wolfs in the middle of the Alaska after his plane crashes. I don't know what it is but there's something about Liam Neeson telling a group of people to "be cool" that makes me feel like everything that's wrong in the world is going to be right. You ever get that? You will... you will.

Jamie Bell and Tilda Swinton look to be in talks to star in a new film from "Host" director Bong Joon-ho titled "Snow Piercer". Chris Evans is already on board for the flick which focuses on that last remaining people on earth who are trapped on a train after the second ice age comes. Because that's what people always say, when the end comes the only thing that will be left is cockroaches and trains. Or something like that.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned in my 10+ years of working NYC it's people do not give a crap what's going on during their commute. If you need proof here's a story about a woman who gave birth yesterday on her NJ transit train while coming into the city. I don't know if any of you have ever been on the trains from NJ to NYC but honestly the back of a garbage truck is probably a more sanitary place to have a kid. Not an empty one either, a full garbage truck full of dirty baby dippers. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Haha Canada! You simple simple people. I kid, I love your maple syrup, I can't quit you. But a bunch of people up in the great north are pissed off after they bought fake iPad 2's from a number of different electronic stores in the Vancouver area. How did they know they were fake? Because they were made out of modeling clay. God I love maple syrup.

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