jessica biel

The Tall Man (REVIEW)

Pascal Laugier's "Martyrs" blew the American horror scene away when it came ashore in 2009. Attempting to bring weight and emotional gravitas to the torture genre, "Martyrs" pummeled audiences with transcendentally brutal visuals and a gut-punch of an ending that people are still arguing about. Whether you liked it for its ambitions or were repulsed by its machinations, "Martyrs" nevertheless left almost everyone waiting to see what Laugier would do with his next horror film.

Unfortunately, we'll have to continue waiting, because "The Tall man" does not fit the bill.

Snapshots: "Martyrs" director comes to American shores.

Pascal Laugier's "The Tall Man", starring Jessica Biel, has been completed and is currently being shopped around. I'm guessing it will be easier to stomach than his last film... Good god, the bathtub scene... ugh.

"Jessica Biel plays a nurse living in a small town where children have gone missing over the years, leaving no clues. One night, she finds her son's bed empty and, desperately rushing downstairs, confronts a huge dark figure, with her son in his arms." Teach Grant, William Davis, Samantha Ferris, Jodelle Ferland, and Stephen McHattie also star."

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

Before you read today's news I should probably clarify that I am not into tall men or old dudes. Jessica Biel is good looking sure but there's something about her face that kind of throws me off. What can I say, I'm a hard man to please. Uncomfortable yet? Wait till you get to the part where I accuse you of being a jerk because I like "The Big Lebowski".

Get excited folks because there's a now video online with some hot behind the scenes action from the upcoming "Alien" prequel "Prometheus". Now get depressed because there's not one freakin alien to be seen in the clip. There is a lot of Ridley Scott though. So if you're into old guys this video will really do it for you. You should also check out "Cocoon". Tons of old guys in their bathing suits. I won't judge.

"Paranormal Activity 3" is headed to DVD on January 24th and today we've got a stockpile of features that are going to be included. I realize stockpile is not the right word but it sounds really cool so lets just go with it. Both the DVD and Blu-Ray will feature the theatrical and unrated versions of the film and the later will also give a gaggle of additional clips that didn't make it into the film. Alright that's not really much at all is it. This would be the worst stockpile ever imagined if it really was one.

I like Dennis Quaid but I have a tendency to mistake him for Jeff Bridges who I really like, mostly because he was in "The Big Lebowski" and that movie was awesome and I love it. I know I know I'm a hipster prick who references The Dude at least once a day. Well 'Eff you buddy I saw it in the theaters opening weekend so get off my back. Man you're such a jerk sometimes. Here's the trailer for "Beneath The Darkness", which stars Quaid as a local funeral home director with a dark secret. Wow it took us a while to get here didn't it?

And if you're into Jessica Biel, which I'm assuming everyone who isn't into old guys is, here's some new shots from her upcoming flick "The Tall Man". The film is about a small town haunted by the urban legend of a "Tall Man" who kidnaps children. So today we've had old guys, tall men and Jessica Biel. If my news didn't get you all hot and bothered there's a good chance you're already dead.

In Real People News: 

I've always wondered what the shipping costs would be if you die somewhere far from home. I wonder this because there's a good chance I will drop dead in the middle of the World Showcase in EPCOT and have to be FedExed back to New Jersey. Well the costs must be high because here's a story about a guy who opted to drive 225 miles back to Canada after his wife died on their US vacation.

Here's a story about some sort of nuclear waste that is growing and might be alive... or something. Honestly I'm confused as hell by the article but I'm pretty sure the gist is that we're all going to die at the hands of a toxic zombie.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 11th, 2011

The first trailer for Lars Von Trier's new end of the world flick "Melancholia" has hit the tubes and much to my surprise it looks fairly un-hammer-to-the-penis-like. Yes that women who took a hammer to William Defeo's penis in "Antrichrist" is in this movie, so you keep thinking about it, but there's nothing to lead me to believe that's going to happen again. God I hope that doesn't happen again.

Speaking of Willem Dafoe and his lumbering manbits, they'll both be in the upcoming big screen adaptation of Dean Kootz's "Odd Thomas". The story focuses on a cook who's able to speak to the dead. Defoe plays a police chief who knows the young lad's secret. I have no clue if Defoe's member will be playing a different role.

It looks as if Rob Hall's "Fear Clinic" mini-series will be making it's way to the big screen, and Danielle Harris and Robert Englund are both on board for the magic. For those of you who aren't familiar with the series or Rob Hall's spiky hair, it follows a group of patients who come to a clinic in order to cure the phobias that run their lives. Much like the god awful fear I have of Willem Dafoe's privates. Let's keep this going!

Jessica Biel his apparently been offered a role in the upcoming "Total Recall" remake. No confirmation on which role she's been offered but chances are it's one of the two leads. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would be into playing that big women who has an exploding head or the three boobed hooker. Then again what do I know, I'm still focused on Willem Dafoe's flim flam. Happy Monday folks!

In Real People News: 

I have no idea if there's a bestiality handbook out there, but I don't think you need one to know you don't do it in your backyard. But it looks like this 17 year old in New Zealander doesn't know that because he's been convicted of the animal nasty after his neighbor saw him making love to his cat. Yeah I said it, making love.

After 64 years on this planet you've got to be struggling for ideas on how to celebrate your birthday. But this Florida man came up with something new, he flashed a school bus full of kids! I would of gone with a trip to Denny's, I'm pretty sure you eat for free. But flashing a bunch of kids would be a close second.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 17th, 2010

Would you like a sure sign that this new fangled 3D trend is going too far? Japanese studio Toei has announced that they are working on a 3D conversion for their classic "Battle Royale". No, not a remake; they're just planning on slapping some 3D effects onto the 10 year old film.

"Martyrs" director Pascal Laugier is bringing us his first US film entitled "The Tall Man", a woman in peril thriller in the vein of "Panic Room". He's bringing some star power with him as well as he has signed Jessica Biel as his leading lady.

Platinum Dunes making an original movie? Oh yes. Paramount, Platinum Dunes and Room 101 are teaming together to bring us a brand spanking new monster movie. Though there are no details of what kind of monster they plan on bringing to life, we are told that Mark L. Smith penned script is reminiscent of such films as "I am Legend", "Aliens" and "Descent".

Kurt Russell plan on scaring us once again as he signs on for the thriller "Undying", playing Virgial, a private investigator lured into a dark an surreal underworld by the mysterious Delia. With a script penned by Greg Whitta and directed by Jon Amiel, this could be a spooky little treat.

In Real People News: 

A Thai protester thought it would be a good idea to use a laser pointer on a group of Thai soldiers. Too bad for him, they mistook it for a laser sight and blew his head off in exchange.

Cryonics company Alcor has won a court battle after a judge orders a family to dig up their father so they could freeze his head, as per his wishes. Unfortunately, even though Alcor says that the man's head is no longer optimal for the freezing process due to decomposition, they figured they'd go ahead and take the issue to court anyways.

On this day in history: 

1965 - Magazine "The Nation" publishes Hunter S. Thompson's first-hand experiences with the Hell's Angels motorcycle club. The bikers would eventually stomp Thompson when they demanded payment for his time spent.

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