jeremy renner

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 9th, 2012

"Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters", staring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton has been kicking around for some time now but with a January 11th release date looming you would think the film was pretty wrapped up. No so my friends. It looks like the folks over at Paramount are now testing the film in both R and PG-13 rating form. I can only assume this means one version will have the 3 boobed hooker alien and one version won't. Wait no, that's a different movie.

I've made a ridiculous amount of "I think Ryan Reynolds is hot" jokes on this site so I'm just going to skip it this time. I'm just going to tell you about the new movie titled "Queen Of the City" he's working on where he stars as a father who begins to find clues that his child may still be alive 8 years after she was abducted. I'm not going to close with a weird comment about his rock hard abs. I'm not even going to mention is dreamy eyes that you get lost in every time you look at them.

Just in time for the holiday season IFC is set to release a new documentary titled "The Jeffrey Dahmer Files" which follows a lovable pup across the country has he tries to find the family that accidentally left him behind. Wait wait no, that's all wrong. it's about Jeffrey Dahmer, the guy who was arrested in 1991 for the murder of 17 people. It's an honest mistake.

I don't know why I get so excited about Bigfoot movies, especially since there's so many of them coming out in the near future. I think it might be because our very own Mark just gets so excited about them and any time he gets that twinkle of excitement in his eyes the world just seems a little bit brighter. I may have said too much. "Bigfoot County" is a new found footage flick about a group of filmmakers on a hunt to find the large hairy one.

In Real People News: 

I'm don't know what to say here except "vibrating hot dogs".

It's a couple days old but I think it's important to make sure everyone knows about this Russian swim team that performed their synchronized swimming routine to Suspiria by Goblin. It's important because there's not much coverage of the Olympics out there and I'm not sure people know it's even going on.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 5th, 2011

Gareth Edwards recently made waves with his low budget success "Monsters". Legendary Pictures was so impressed with his bargain barrel monster effects, they've now tapped the director to helm their "Godzilla" remake. Sure, Edwards proved himself a decent director but, we all remember how the last American "Godzilla" remake turned out, don't we?

If you didn't hate the poorly named McG already, prepare to set your phasers to loathe. The director has stepped in to take over the troubled "Ouija" board movie. Yes, a movie on the crappy Hasbro board game.

George Clooney is going to return to his horror roots as he signs on to star in the serial killer thriller "The Monster of Florence".

I've long thought that the classic Grimm Fairy Tale "Hansel and Gretel" lacked sexiness. Thank god Gemma Artetron and Jeremy Renner have signed on for "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters".

In Real People News: 

How many times have you had this conversation? "Mom... can I ask you a question?" "Sure dear, ask me anything!" "Do you ever get that...not so fresh feeling?" "I used to dear, but now I just head down to the spa for my vaginal steam bath!" Nothing says "fresh" like squatting over of a piping hot cup of mugwort tea!

Two clowns were found dead in Mexico, victims of a vicious drug gang hit.

On this day in history: 

1981 - The Yorkshire Ripper, murderer of 13 women, is arrested. Peter Sutcliffe concentrated mostly on hookers, but still managed to terrorize mainstream England in the late 1970's and early 1980's.

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