Horror Headlines: Friday, November 13th, 2009

So I went to see a midnight screening of 2012 last night. While this movie is wholly idiotic and about three hours long, it was made even more interminable by the wannabe-black frat-boy douche behind me that wouldn't shut up. About an hour in, I lost it, stood up and told him to “Shut the fuck up or I'll bash your fucking brains in!”. Normally, I like to think of myself as a level-headed fella, but talking during a movie is one of the few things that will drive me over the edge into violence. What ever happened to cinematic politeness and respect for others?

Paul WS Anderson is back on Castlevania. God, does anyone really care anymore? At this point I'd be happy if Uwe Boll made the damn thing just so we can quit reporting on it.

In other Paul WS Anderson news, a prequel to last year's (INSANELY AWESOME) Death Race is in the writing stages. It will focus on the early years of Frank...oh, wait a minute...yep, Paul WS Anderson is off the, hold on...OK. He's back on.

Hey, if you were going to pen a remake of the 1980s horror classic Fright Night, wouldn't your first pick be some chick who regularly writes episodes of Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy? No? WELL THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT A HOLLYWOOD STUDIO EXECUTIVE, YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF SHIT.

In Real People News: 

A Salt Lake City homeowner set up various traps to catch a local burglar. The thief, a certain Mr. Joseph Pesci, wiped paint and feathers out of his eyes and vowed to “Get that Goddamn Kevin McCallister!” as he was being led away by cops.

Russian Prime Minister Putin won the respect of the Russian hip-hop community at a recent party. Not from his hip-hop skills, mind you, but for passing out free loaves of bread. IN MOTHER RUSSIA, THERE AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE THE SOCIALIST PARTY 'CAUSE THE SOCIALIST PARTY WILL SHOOT YOU FOR DISSENTION! WHAT A COUNTRY!

On this day in history: 

n 2005, Andrew Stimpson, a 25-year old British man, is reported as the first person proven to have been "cured" of HIV. Sadly, he was killed two days later, by, ironically enough, a bus full of AIDS patients.

Alright. And, on that note, I hope you enjoyed today's Fowler Friday, because I am off next week. I'll be at Horrorhound Weekend, representing with Mark and Casey. Come up and say “hi”. If you're lucky, maybe even Colin Farrell will show up and spray you with beer that is being use to simulate an ejaculating penis. OI, SLAG OFF YA WANKERS.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 23rd, 2009

Here are details of Darren Lynn Bousman's next film "Abattoir". His previous film was "Repo: The Genetic Opera".

The first official teaser poster for "A Nightmare on Elm St.". It's still shadowy (as was yesterday's picture that came out), so hopefully we'll get a real nice look at Freddy Krueger sooner rather than later.

Official poster for "Saw VI". All I'm saying is, these people know how to make promotional art.

And speaking of "Saw", the director of the original, James Wan will be directing "Castlevania". He'll be working on his own version of the script with Producer Paul W.S. Anderson, and taking over helming duties from there. So, as of now it sounds like this long dormant project has some new life in it.

In Real People News: 

Taste something funny in your Big Mac secret sauce recently? Ya, it was probably people. If Charlton Heston were here, he'd be screaming right now.

Hey dumbass... I'm sure that bison is real pretty, but you probably want to stay more than 10 feet away when taking pictures of it, or else you'll probably get your ass gored.

On this day in history: 

1982: Vic Morrow is killed filming a stunt sequence for "Twilight Zone: The Movie" near Valencia, California. Morrow and two child actors are chopped into bits by the main rotor when a helicopter positioned dangerously close to the talent suddenly crashes.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 26th, 2009

It's been a long holiday weekend and as such, it's time to play catch up! Due to a faulty alarm clock, I'm sitting in for Eric once again on the news desk!

"Buffy" fans, it's time to arm your keyboards and get ready to hit the message boards. The folks at Vertigo entertainment are getting ready to relaunch "Buffy" once again. The folks at Vertigo are teaming up with the original movie direct Fran and Kaz Kazui to throw together this big screen take. The promise is a relaunch and not a sequel or a prequel. Can the fandom handle a non Whedon buffy with yet another perky blonde stepping into the slayer's shoes?

Sad news for "Castlevania" fans; the Paul W.S. Anderson big screen adaptation is officially dead. No more chances of Simon Belmont and clan on the silver screen. Could this be a sign of the end of video game movies?

Despite reports of raucous boo-ing and general hate for "Antichrist" at the Cannes Film Festival, lead actress Charlotte Gainsbourg was named Best Actress of the festival. It's seldom that horror is given any accolades at such events so kudos to Gainsbourg for drawing the nod despite the widespread distaste for the moving coming out of France.

In Real People News: 

A Chinese man sat perched on a bridge last week, ready to jump, when another man broke through the police tape and shoved him off. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

In an effort to show solidarity to the country's beleaguered seal hunters, Canada's Governor General guts a freshly slaughtered seal and eats its raw heart in front of onlookers.

A 3 year old London toddler was stuck in a 5 day long coma due to meningitis. Assuming all was lost, the child woke on day five singing the complete lyrics to Abba's "Mama Mia". Sure, the kid's fine now, but what are they going to do about all the Hollywood lawyers suing for copyright infringement?

On this day in history: 

May 26th 1805 - Napoleon Bonapart is crowned King of Italy. For our own Eric, a hero is born!

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