Horror Headlines: Friday, November 13th, 2009

So I went to see a midnight screening of 2012 last night. While this movie is wholly idiotic and about three hours long, it was made even more interminable by the wannabe-black frat-boy douche behind me that wouldn't shut up. About an hour in, I lost it, stood up and told him to “Shut the fuck up or I'll bash your fucking brains in!”. Normally, I like to think of myself as a level-headed fella, but talking during a movie is one of the few things that will drive me over the edge into violence. What ever happened to cinematic politeness and respect for others? Between talking and glowing cell-phone screens, I'm beginning to think we need to have segregated theaters: one for people who seriously want to watch and enjoy a movie, and one for assholes who go to socialize. And, I guess, one other one for handjobs.

Paul WS Anderson is back on Castlevania. God, does anyone really care anymore? At this point I'd be happy if Uwe Boll made the damn thing just so we can quit reporting on it.

In other Paul WS Anderson news, a prequel to last year's (INSANELY AWESOME) Death Race is in the writing stages. It will focus on the early years of Frank...oh, wait a minute...yep, Paul WS Anderson is off the project...no, hold on...OK. He's back on.

Hey, if you were going to pen a remake of the 1980s horror classic Fright Night, wouldn't your first pick be some chick who regularly writes episodes of Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy? No? WELL THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT A HOLLYWOOD STUDIO EXECUTIVE, YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF SHIT.

In Real People News: 

A Salt Lake City homeowner set up various traps to catch a local burglar. The thief, a certain Mr. Joseph Pesci, wiped paint and feathers out of his eyes and vowed to “Get that Goddamn Kevin McCallister!” as he was being led away by cops.

Russian Prime Minister Putin won the respect of the Russian hip-hop community at a recent party. Not from his hip-hop skills, mind you, but for passing out free loaves of bread. IN MOTHER RUSSIA, THERE AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE THE SOCIALIST PARTY 'CAUSE THE SOCIALIST PARTY WILL SHOOT YOU FOR DISSENTION! WHAT A COUNTRY!

On this day in history: 

n 2005, Andrew Stimpson, a 25-year old British man, is reported as the first person proven to have been "cured" of HIV. Sadly, he was killed two days later, by, ironically enough, a bus full of AIDS patients.

Alright. And, on that note, I hope you enjoyed today's Fowler Friday, because I am off next week. I'll be at Horrorhound Weekend, representing with Mark and Casey. Come up and say “hi”. If you're lucky, maybe even Colin Farrell will show up and spray you with beer that is being use to simulate an ejaculating penis. OI, SLAG OFF YA WANKERS.



Louis Fowler is a pop culture critic who is a frequent contributor to Bookgasm, Exploitation Retrospect, Bloody Good Horror, Paracinema Magazine, Carbon 14, Pop Syndicate and The Hungover Gourmet. He's also had pieces featured in mags like Hitch, Scars, Okay Magazine, Eyeball and Microcinema Scene. He has written for such newspapers as the Fort Collins NOW, Rocky Mountain Chronicle, Rocky Mountain Bullhorn and the Colorado Springs Independent.

He's also the award-winning host of DAMAGED Hearing, Tuesdays at 1 PM, MST, on 88.9 KRFC-FM in Fort Collins, CO.

He wears husky jeans.