Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 30th, 2010

Congratulations makers of "Black Swan". You found a way to make a minute long video of Natalie Portman dancing around the most unattractive thing I've ever seen. Here's what I assume the direction for this was like. "YES! That was good, now do it one more time with more German in your eyes. Ya! Das ist gut mein fraulein!"

Just when you think there's no good left in the world you find out that "The Walking Dead" scored 5.6 million viewers this past Sunday. This is actually more than the pilot episode and all signs point to this Sunday's season finale doing even better. If "Glee" ends up getting canceled my entire outlook on life is going to change.

For those of you who didn't get a chance to see "Hatchet II" before America flexed its biceps and yanked it from theaters, you're in luck. The slasher flick will get an On Demand release on December 1st and more importantly be available on countless torrent sites by the end of the week. I can't be the only one who wants to see the makers of this movie end up homeless. Somebody else chime in here!

Kevin Smith plans on screening his new creepy flick "Red State" at Sundance in 2011 and apparently wants to immediately auction off distribution rights after the screening. People of Hollywood I am speaking to you directly now. I've never asked you for anything but for this I will beg. Please, when that no talent overrated pile of turds starts the bidding please please please don't bid. I want to see what it looks like when a human actually cries cake frosting and this may be my only chance.

In Real People News: 

I've said this a thousand times and now I have proof. Pennsylvania has the worst drivers in the world and this girl who actually managed to get her truck up in a tree is living proof. Sometimes it's boring being right all the time... but not this time.

This might be the quickest I've ever gone from excited to disappointed in my life. Here's how my thought process went as I skimmed this article. Holy crap they are going to announce that aliens are real? At a Ramada Inn? That's kind of weird. Oh crap, it's a 65 year old man who prayed to Jesus to send him a snowball with proof. Crap.

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