Horror Headlines: Friday October 2nd, 2009

So, every week, one or two people always ask me: “Hey Lou...why is the news always late on Friday?” Well, as a writer who works from home, I make my own hours. While you are out toiling at your 8-5, I am peacefully sleeping until, oh, about 10 AM. Then, I have to take my dog Hoogie out for his morning constitutional. We get back to the house about 10:45 and, I gotta say, I am famished! So, I'll have a bowl of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes (they're grrrrrrreat!) as I check my email and various social networking sites. Then, a little after 11, I start in on the BGH news! Because I actually take time to craft something worth reading, it takes me about another hour, give or take a bowel movement. Then, it is sent to the BGH boys to post and, blessed be, it is all in God's hands.

Platinum Dunes, in their Bloody Disgusting-sponsored blog (HMMMMMM...), has announced that Friday the 13th Part 2 will be released on August 13, 2010. So how does that work? How does a film website, which published reviews on a regular basis, sponsor a blog for a studio? Isn't that akin to “payola”? When asked, Mr. Disgusting had this to say: “Brah, we here at Bloody Disgusting pride ourselves on honest, no bullshit reviews and we will always stand by that. So, with that being said, the NEW NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET IS TEH GREATEST HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME BUY FOUR TICKETS FOR YOURSELF AND THE TSHIRT AT HOT TOPIC!!!”

One of the few things I have ever agreed with Eric about, besides Asian chicks, is that the original Crazies is a pretty entertaining, chilling movie. I am looking forward to the remake but am far too lazy to upload this Apple trailer and watch it. Eh...the poster looks good though.

According to Variety, Sam Raimi is launching a family friendly sub-Ghost House imprint called Spooky Films. Their first movie will be The Substitute, directed by Scott Derrickson who looks like a reject from Tool Academy. Seriously, Google this douche's picture. This news follows on the heels of Disney's news that they are teaming with Guillermo del Toro to form a production company called, ahem...Double Dare You. Really, guys? Really?

In Real People News: 

An 11-year-old Wyoming boy led police on a 100 mile per hour chase at 3:20 in the morning, and then tried to flee on foot. The kid's name? BADASS COBRA CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE CUNT-PUNCHER JONES.

A new study claimed that half of the babies born in the “rich world” will live to be 100. The half that died? They were the ones whose reactionary, Obama cock-craving moms gave the H1N1 vaccine, which causes Guillain Barre Syndrome (GBS), a paralyzing disorder that was one of the side effects of the swine flu vaccine that killed numerous people in the US in 1976. But, really, you get what you pay for, America.

On this day in history: 

In honor of the birthday of Mahatma Ghandi, today we celebrate “Ghandi Jayanti”, or the International Day of Non-Violence. When Badass Cobra Crank 2: High Voltage Cunt-Puncher Jones was asked how he was going to celebrate, he took a sip of Hurricane Malt Liquor and then beat a cop to death with the bottle.

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