val kilmer

Twixt (REVIEW)

“Twixt” surprised me more than I could have expected. I went into this film blindly, and by the end I chocked it all up to a valiant effort from a first time director. There were some intriguing concepts strewn here and there but overall it felt like an introductory mess. Needless to say when I saw the director and writer of the film I was floored. Francis Ford Coppola, director of iconic films such as “The Godfather” trilogy and “Apocalypse Now”, had taken a stab at the horror genre. The whole feeling of the film changed with that knowledge.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 1st, 2011

I can't really keep up with what movies are actually filming right now and which ones are riddled with production issues. It's not like I write about this crap every day or something. But it looks like "World War Z" is in fact full steam ahead. Proof of this can be found in the boat load of new on set videos that have hit the tubes showing all kinds of zombie action in the outbreak flick. Check em out because Star A walks off the set because Star B screwed his girlfriend in the trailers during lunch break.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the first poster for "Seven Below". A group of people trapped in a haunted house during a freak storm sounds like the thing Hollywood dreams are made of. But the kicker? The film stars Val Kilmer and Ving Rhames. Double V! Not going to lie I've had terrible nightmares that involved being trapped in a house with Val Kilmer. There wasn't any ghosts though. it was just him drinking JD and screaming "I was Batman god damn it.... BATMAN!"

David Cronenberg makes movies people like so it only stands to reason that his son, Brandon would too. That's just logic, folks. So young master Brandon will be taking on "Antiviral", a odd story that revolves around a clinic that has begun replicating celebrity diseases and the salesmen who becomes obsessed with one particular strain. A story we can all relate to.

So they're going to make a couple more "Cabin Fever" movies. "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero" and "Cabin Fever: Outbreak" are both set to begin filming in the Dominican Republic sometime next year, one taking place on a boat and the other on a Caribbean island. I'd like to speak directly to the fine people of the Dominican Republic now. I visited your fine country a few years back while I was on my Honeymoon and during my 35 minute taxi ride to the enclosed resort my wife and I were staying at I couldn't help but notice your numerous armed service men wandering the dirt roads. I'll let you fill in the rest.

In Real People News: 

I'm sorry I thought paying your monthly membership at a gym meant you had the right to go ape shit and take things to the extreme. Apparently I was wrong because this Upstate NY man simply punched a guy in the face, flipped over some equipment and destroyed a display case and the cops decided to taser the shit out him. And by taser the shit out of I mean they killed him. To the extreme.

Three Polish police commandos are being forced to leave their jobs after they took a side gig protecting Paris Hilton during her recent visit to my mother land. Apparently it's a big no no to do side work without permission but I'm thinking the underlying issue here is all that night vision crap that was in her porn video. "Vy culdn't she... duuuh... turn on zi light.... duuuhhh. You fired duuuh." It's cool I'm half Polish, I can make fun of my own people.

The Chaos Experiment (REVIEW)

Jimmy's got issues. He's a smart guy with some pretty big ideas on the earth's future and global warning. As a matter of fact, he thinks the Mayan calendar and its predictions of the earth ending in 2012 are quite true. According to Jimmy, global warming will reach its zenith in December of 2012 with temperatures reaching upwards of 130 degrees worldwide. Along with the heat, he also believes that the human population will devolve into mass chaos as people go nuts with their impending doom. Jimmy's biggest problem is that nobody will listen.

Moscow Zero (REVIEW)

Normally, I will stay far away from other reviews before getting my own review of a movie down on paper. I think it a courtesy to anyone who may take the time to read your thoughts that they be influenced predominantly by what you see on the screen. For “Moscow Zero”, I broke this rule, but only slightly. During the process of getting this on my Netflix cue I noticed that it had a 1.5 star rating. But I am a sucker for anything set in Russia so I forged ahead anyway.

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