The Seventh Son

Horror Headlines: Friday, May 4th, 2011

May the Fourth be with you everybody!

The good folks at Universal have taken it upon themselves to push there new exorcism film "The Seventh Son" back a good 8 months to October 18, 2013. The film stars Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore so you have to imagine it's not too shabby but as of yet there's no word as to why the delay is happening. Let's start an insane rumor though, like Jeff Bridges demands the blood of virgins to do any work and they're running out of them in Hollywood.

Jennifer Lynch, the creepy gal behind "Boxing Helena" and other flicks has had her new film "Chained" slapped with a NC-17 rating. The film follows a 9 year old boy who is kidnapped and as he grows learns he must follow in his kidnappers footsteps to survive. Kind of like "The Lion King" but with people getting their faces bashed in.

Amber Heard has been confirmed for the cast of "Machete Kills" and I used up my stupid comments on her earlier this week so she gets a pass today. What can I say, I'm a giver.

Warner Bros. has dropped the news that they will in fact be resurrecting "Little shop Of Horrors" once again and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is very much interested in taking on the lead role. My guess is there won't be any singing in this version but who knows. I love that damn dentist song Steve Martin does.

In Real People News: 

A Humane Society employee in Florida (yeah no shit) is under arrest after he was found in possession of child pornography and a video of him getting it on with a dog. Isn't that some sort of physiological test? Picking which one you think is worse determines what kind of job you'll have later in life or something? I could have sworn I remember my guidance counselor asking me that in High School.

A 30 year old mother in Iowa is under arrest after she shot up heroin in the bathroom of a pharmacy while her 4 year old child was present. The import thing to note here is that in Iowa there are bathrooms in pharmacies that just anyone can use. I'd shoot up heroin too if I didn't have to give a stool sample just to take a piss in a Duane Reade in the city.

Horror Headlines: Friday, February 17th, 2012

This weekend my wife and I start some weird cleanse and I'm not allowed to have caffeine or alcohol for 4 weeks. I have only myself to blame for this because it was my idea. I just want you to know this in case next week's news is awful. Well more awful then it usually is. You've been warned.

Sad news today, "Scary Movie 5" has had its release date pushed from April 20th of this year all the way to January 11th of 2013. The sad news though is that Gary Carter died yesterday afternoon. The "Scary Movie 5" thing is great news because who the hell wants to see that, seriously.

Exorcism flicks... am I right? But hold up before you go groaning because "The Seventh Son" is set in the 1700's and stars Jeff Bridges as a teacher of the Exorcism arts. We all love him in a "lock him up in our basement and make him quote "The Big Lebowski" and "Tron" all day" sort of way. The film was announced a while back but the exiting news today is that it's officially set to start filming in a couple weeks. Does anyone know his home address?

I had no idea there was a new Zorro movie in the works but it looks like spicy hot actor Gael Garcia Bernal has been cast in the lead role of "Zorro Reborn". The film promises to be a grittier version of the original TV series and numerous films on the masked one. It'll apparently also be set in the future. And not in Mexico. And he won't be called Zorro I assume.

I've been talking about ABC's "666 Park Avenue" for a while now. To anyone who will listen really. People next to me at the urinal for instance. I'm not allowed in a number of bars anymore. But they need to know that Terry O’Quinn, of "Lost" fame has just been cast as one half of a couple that moves to NYC to run an apartment building that just so happens to house a number of residents who have made deals with the devil. I have to go tell them now.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about an Ohio woman who was taken into custody after threatening to cut her boyfriend up after he didn't give her a Valentine's Day gift for her. She sounds so sweet, too. I don't know what this guy's deal is. Doesn't he like being happy?

I have never been to a Wendy's that didn't have an angry prick working behind the counter. So I love this guy in Ohio who took a sledgehammer to his local burger shop simply because "Wendy’s is making him mad". I wish I could high five him.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 21st, 2011

Oh it's on! Joseph Gordon-Levitt has been confirmed to be in the next installment of the Batman saga currently titled "The Dark Knight Rises". Which character he will play has yet to be released but if I know my Batman trivia, which I think I do, I assume he'll be playing the role of King Tut. Google it, trust me it's funny.

Jodi Foster will step behind the camera for a new sci-fi flick that she's developing. No real details on the movie but apparently it'll have a nice warm family feel to it. So maybe something like "ET 2". The world demands it!

"The Seventh Son" has added Julianne Moore to its cast list which already includes Jeff Bridges. Moore will play the most bad ass of all witches who uses blood magic, whatever the hell that is. This is funny because I've always assumed Julianne Moore was a witch in real life because she looks exactly the same as she did 20 years ago. In days of old she would have been burned at the stake for being in her 50's and still being pretty hot.

Everyone and their mother has joined the cast of "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters 3D" including Derek Mears who you might remember as Jason from the "Friday the 13th" remake. Fans of the "MacGruber" movie may also recognize him as "Large Henchman" which I believe got him an Oscar nomination.

In Real People News: 

I'm pretty sure you need to get your parent's permission when you're 14 years old and want to get a tattoo. Even if you are paying for it with sex like this girl in Pennsylvania did. The 34 year old tattoo artist is now being brought up on charges and I assume he'll try to say he thought she was over 18. For his sake I hope it wasn't a Bieber tattoo.

Of all the places you can accidentally leave your child when you're drunk, in a bathroom gas station has got to be in the top 5 worst places. Apparently you can also get into some serious trouble for it because a Delaware women is facing DUI and other charges after doing just that. News to me.

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