THE final destination

Horror Headlines: Friday March 19th, 2010

Since I'm filling in for Fowler Friday this week, I'm going to start off your weekend with a swift kick to the nuts! You know Platinum Dunes and their love of remaking classic franchises? They've now set their sights on "The Monster Squad" for their next remake.

Though they titled the fourth film in the franchise "The Final Destination", Warner Brothers head Alan Horn revealed that they'll be making a fifth "Final Destination". Since they've already raided the gimmick that is 3-D, here's hoping they go old school and add ball shockers to the seats this time.

Even the newly raised from the dead Hammer Studios can't resist the remake band wagon but according to CEO Simon Oakes, they'll be remaking three of their own films. Titles up for the treatment are "Captain Kronos", "Quatermass" and "Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde".

Not content to rest on his mediocre success of "Alice in Wonderland", Tim Burton has already begun plans for his next film. Feeling a bit nostalgic, he's thinking about throwing together a stop motion animated version of "The Addams Family".

In Real People News: 

Jersey City, NJ police officials have captured a serial urinator who has been terrorizing women at bus stops since December. While the ladies waited casually for their morning commute, the perpetrator would stroll up behind them and let loose on their legs. So far this morning, the whereabouts of our own Joe Charnews is still in question. Don't pick up the soap Joe!

Jennifer Mercado found jury duty to be rather boring, so she used the time to swipe the wallet of a fellow juror. Pleased with her new find, she ran to a store across the street during their lunch break to wrack up purchases on the stolen credit cards.

On this day in history: 

1982 - The guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne, Randy Rhoads, dies during the Diary of a Madman tour after the plane he is flying in buzzes the band's tour bus and clips the wing of the plane, crashing into a nearby farmhouse.

The DVD Bargain Bin

A few questionable releases to spend your leftover Christmas money on...

Box Office Special - Summer Goes Out With a Whimper

Labor Day, while an awesome excuse to lay around and do nothing for three days, is about as fallow a film going period as you'll find on the calendar. Just two years ago, "Halloween" set a new four-day weekend record with $30 million. Some weekends, that wouldn't even qualify for 2nd place, but on Labor Day it's a record.

The Final Destination (REVIEW)

As the man responsible for delivering the best entry in the “Final Destination” franchise -- “Final Destination 2,” in case you were wondering -- you'd think David R. Ellis would have a thorough understanding of how these movies are supposed to unfold. His latest endeavor, the illogical, intelligence-insulting mess that is 2009's “The Final Destination,” is easily one of the absolute worst genre films of the year, and marks a new low for mainstream American horror.

Box Office Special - Destination Trumps Halloween

Just like that it's over: one of the most highly anticipated weekends by horror fans in recent memory has come and gone. And while the merits of both "The Final Destination" and "Halloween 2" may be debated for some time, the box office results paint a far clearer picture.

Horror Headlines: Monday August 31st, 2009

I guess Bob Weinstein was paying attention to this week's box office results, because he's announced that there is already a 3D "Halloween" sequel in the works, and one that will be shot without Rob Zombie. They're already in talks with a director, whom Weinstein declined to name, although whoever it is will have a hell of a time making a sequel considering he has to deal with all of the baggage brought by Zombie to the series story-wise.

The 2010 "Girls of Scotchworthy" calender is now available. Love indie horror and the babes that work in it? Do yourself a favor and purchase a calender from these guys.

Nic Cage has signed on to "Drive Angry", a revenge/action movie from "My Bloody Valentine 3D" director Patrick Lussier. That's right baby, Nicholas Cage in glorious 3D. Better start preparing your mindholes for that now.

In Real People News: 

Naked dude hi-jacks school bus, but that visual isn't as intriguing as the one of the children who decided to jump out of a moving bus to get away. I smell a "Speed" sequel.

Now teens are using social networking sites to arrainge fights. Finally, a much more efficient way to organize a beatdown.

Not gonna lie, that does look pretty dirty. Don't spend too much time trying to work out the details of what exactly is happening though, that can't be good for you.

On this day in history: 

1888: Jack the Ripper kills his first known victim, prostitute Mary Ann Nichols, slitting her throat from ear to ear.

Horror Headlines: Monday, August 24th, 2009

Due to the "shadowcast" phenomenon (think Rocky horror but with Goth kids), "Repo: The Genetic Opera" director Darren Lynn bousman has launched a website to keep the mythos going. He says this is a "life long project" for him, which I hope means they'll eventually do another version of the film, only this time not so terrible.

The release of "Zombieland" has been bumped up a week. You can now check out the Woody Harrelson zombie film on October 2nd.

"28 Weeks Later" director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo is in talks to direct "Bioshock", the adaptation of the wildly popular videogame.

Todd Mcfarlane has officially started writing a new "Spawn" film. He says that it will be a standalone story, and he's shooting for an "R" rating.

The following is a "Rumble Trailer" for "The Final Destination" over at Break.com. Warning: the video does autoplay when you go there so watch those speakers at work. It's kind of a nifty little marketing thing though, so I recommend checking it out.

In Real People News: 

Hmmm... turns out we really do need our appendix's. And when you find out why, you'll wish you still had yours!

I'm not even sure where to start with this story. A man from Iowa was arrested recently after repeating a joke from a "Seinfeld" episode. Great series, of course, but not so much topical. The kicker? he's not the first Iowan to be fired for an old "Seinfeld" joke. What, is it like 1995 there?

On this day in history: 

1572: Troops loyal to the French crown alongside Catholic civilians massacre the Protestant Huguenots of Paris, estimates range between 20,000 and 100,000 deaths. At news of this carnage of this St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, a gleeful Pope Gregory XIII ordered celebrations and a medal to be struck.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday August 18th, 2009

Anne Rice loves to write about Lestat as if he's a real life person... oh, and she would also love it if Robert Downey Jr. signed onto the role. Both of those are things I learned from a recent posting to her website regarding the casting rumors that came out late last week.

Overture films is pushing their sci-fi film "Pandorum" ahead a week to make way for "Jennifer's Body". This puts the film at a September 25th release date, up against (for now) the remake of "The Crazies".

Myspace has the first official clip from "The Final Destination". Ya, this is going to be terrible, and probably a little awesome too, but mostly terrible.

Legendary horror writer Shirley Jackson's "We Have Always Lived in this Castle" has been picked up for an adaptation by Michael Douglas' production company.

In Real People News: 

When you up and remove your genitals seemingly out of nowhere, one thing you don't expect to hear from the doctor is "good job".

People are BBQ'ing dogs in New Zealand. Strike 1 for New Zealand. They're lucky they gave us Peter Jackson or they'd be dead to me right now.

Nobel laureate Sir William Golding, the guy who wrote "Lord of the Flies" admits to setting school age boys against each other for research while writing the book. Oh, and he maybe kind of tried to rape a girl when he was 15. Ya, it wasn't a great day for him.

On this day in history: 

1590: Sent to England to get supplies three years prior, John White finally returns to Roanoke Island and discovers his colony "strongly enclosed with a high palisade of great trees, with [curtain walls] and [bastions] -- very fort-like." There is no sign of the settlers or where they may have gone.

Horror Headlines: Monday July 6th, 2009

We'll be recording this week's podcast tonight, with the topic of choice being David Lynch's cult classic "Eraserhead". If you have any last minute thoughts, be sure to hit us up on the contact page or send us a message on Twitter.

The release date for the "Hellraiser" remake has been changed from 2009 to "To Be Announced". According to Box Office Mojo, the official title is "Clive Barker Presents: Hellraiser". At least I like the title. Now we'll just have to wait and see how the movie turns out.

The people behind "Sorority Row" listened to me and went with the poster that has all of their actresses laying all over each other. It makes studios happy because it vaguely resembles those cheesy "floating head" posters, and it makes me happy because it's sexy. See, everybody wins.

"Predators" will be "Aliens" only with "Predators". Got it? To expound, the sequel will follow a group of people stranded on a Predator planet who have to deal with the "horrors they encounter".

Rob Zombie's "Halloween 2" is a little less than a month away folks. Up on Zombie's blog today is a still of Sheri Moon Zombie with the new boyhood Michael Myers, Chase Wright Vanek. I haven't been paying that close attention but I believe this is really the first time we've seen this new Myers in an official still... so, there it is.

New stills for "The Final Destination". See that last one there in the theater... how meta! It's like you were murdered in your seat while you were watching the movie in 3D. Get it?

In Real People News: 

Remember kids, even unconvincing, fake mushrooms can get your ass sent to jail. That's an important life lesson right there.

All you need to know about this fight is that at one point someone crapped on someone's back as an offensive move. I smell a new fighting style. Zing!

You know when you pass out drinking with your friends, and when you wake up they've drawn a penis somewhere on your face? this is kind of like that, only it's in prison... and permanent. Ouch.

On this day in history: 

1535: Sir Thomas More, an English politician, is sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered. King Henry VIII takes pity on him and changes the sentence to beheading. Said head is hung on display from London Bridge before being rescued by his daughter a month later.

"The Final Destination" Trailer is Straightforward

If you listen to the podcast, you should know that I've been salivating over "The Final Destination" (formerly "Final Destination 4/3D/Death Trip/etc."), hailing it as the perfect horror film for 3D. Now that the theaterical trailer has dropped, I can't say that I've changed my mind.

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