Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

I've now officially become one of those people that snore simply because they're fat. It's a pretty proud day for me. The Mrs. doesn't seem too impressed though.

The entire world is excited about the release of the big screen adaptation of "The Hunger Games". Literally everyone in the world. Walk outside and just ask a random person. They'll wet themselves and run away giggling they're so excited. Seriously. Well prepare to get even moister because Lionsgate has announced that pre-sale tickets will go on sale Wednesday February 22nd at MovieTickets and Fandango, almost a month ahead of it's current March 23rd pre-sale date. I'm not going to tell you the actual release date because you got that tattooed on your forehead months ago and I would just feel like a jerk spoiling that for you.

If you've been chomping at the bit to see "Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters" then I got some bad news for you. The fairy tale witch hunk action romp's release date has been pushed back almost a year, from March 2, 2012 all the way to January 11, 2013. Apparently the push is happening because Paramount is surprised at the success of "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" and "The Devil Inside" and is now trying to spread out their earnings a bit more. Because if there's one thing you don't want to do, it's earn too much money.

David Auburn has been tapped by Warner Brothers to write the big screen adaption of "A Discovery of Witches". The story follows a witch and vampire who find themselves trying to prevent a war between the two species. I'm not going to lie this sounds like the worst book and movie ever imagined and the thought of having to watch it for the podcast makes me a little ill. So ill that I need to be out that week. Please update your calendars accordingly.

Hey did you know that Michael Berryman is in Rob Zombie's "The Lords Of Salem"? Me either! Man I love coffee.

In Real People News: 

Here's an article that's in Russian, I think, but the jist of it is a kid was arrested after trying to steal an MP3 player. Where did he hide it? Up his ass of course. I'm still trying to figure out what the Russian word for "ass" is but I know it's in the article somewhere.

And here's a story about one particularly frisky Papa John's employee who has been fired after he noted an order was for "Lady Chinky Eyes" on her receipt. Maybe I should talk to the manager at the local Panera Bread because they keep marking me down as "fat ass who always gets two sandwiches for himself"...

Horror Headlines: Friday October 28th, 2011

Excited about the big screen adaptation of "The Hunger Games"? Want to see a ridiculous amount of posters for the flick? Ever been in a Turkish prison? The answers to these questions and more are now online! Well the poster one... and the internet can't really answer for you. I'm so confused.

What in the sweet hell is going on with this flick? On top of "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies" not being able to find a leading lady it looks like Craig Gillespie has now become the 3rd director to leave the flick. Ya know for a while I thought this might be my big chance to take on a directing role for a film but now I'm starting to think I might pass too when Hollywood comes knocking.

Welcome to planet erf! That's right folks, it looks like not 1 but 2 sequels are in the works for the 1996 alien invasion flick "Independence Day". Word around campus is the films will tie into the first but can also stand alone so that means if you happen to be baked out of your mind at the Malta Drive In the last time you saw the movie you don't have to worry about what you might have missed while unsuccessfully attempting to hook up with a girl who you're 99% sure was just using you for a ride. Ya know... if that happened to you.

I'm predicting there will be a lot of nerds out there who will pay for a ticket to see "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" and leave having no idea what happened. Why? Because they're going to be showing a six-minute "The Dark Knight Rises" prologue in all Imax theaters before the flick. I also predict "Tower Heist" will be this year's "Gigli". That one's for you, Eric.

In Real People News: 

It's almost Halloween my friends and you should all be putting your last minute touches on your awesome lawn decorations. One word of advice though. When setting up your homemade guillotine, try not to cut your own arm off.

I'm not saying I condone this but I completely understand. A Santa Fe woman is under arrest for stabbing her boyfriend after their game of Monopoly got heated. Look if you're not going to sell anything then what the hell is the point of playing?!

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