maleficent

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 7th, 2011

Award Pictures is apparently in the process of having their asses sued by Mr. Sam Raimi over their plans to make an "Evil Dead 4" film without his involvement or permission. While there's little chance we'll ever actually see "Evil Dead 4: Consequences" I think this is a perfect opportunity for someone to swoop in and make "Evil Dead 5" before anyone has a chance to notice. I'm already working on part 7.

Sharlto Copley, the little alien that couldn't from "District 9", is in talks to play opposite Angelina Jolie in "Maleficent", a new film that plans to tell the back story behind Sleeping Beauty. If he joins the cast Copley will play King Stefan, the napping sweetheart's father. Alien kings! What'll they think of next?

Mick Garris looks like he could be Michael Bay's crazy Uncle but he isn't, I looked it up on the internet to confirm. He is directing a new UFO conspiracy film titled "Invasion" though so it's kind of like they're direction relatives. Ya know, cause they both direct movies. They hang out at the same bars and crap I assume. The Directors Chair I bet it's called. And they have a drink called The Black List with Whiskey and chalk shavings in it. What a couple of jerks.

Sofia Vergara has joined the cast of "Machete Kills". I assume this move is because Jessica Alba is an asshole on the sets of movies and Robert Rodriguez can't cut her out of the film so he did the next best thing. Found a woman that makes her look like a dog faced monster. Well played, señor.

In Real People News: 

We've all played the old "hey my zipper is down and my junk is hanging out" game at the check out line of our local grocery store, but apparently this guy in Michigan is going to jail for it. This is just like those stories you hear about dodge ball being taken out of schools. Fun is dead.

A Long Island woman is accused of selling both sex and hot dogs along the side of the road from a cart. I swear to god it's like every time there's a new street meat trend I always find out about it a day too late.

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 9th, 2011

Elle Fanning of "Super 8" and general Fanning fame is in talks to star opposite our lord and savior Angelina Jolie in "Maleficent". The film is being created by the good people at Disney and is said to be a live action take on the classic tale of "Sleeping Beauty". I was always envious of her. Cause ya know, sleeping is so great and she must of been really well rested.

Why in the holy living hell anyone would want a "Wolf Creek" iPhone app is beyond me but it's on its way for your apping pleasure. It''s be released early next year to coincide with the release of "Wolf Creek 2" and be filled with info on the first flick, never before seen clips and a ton of other crap that no one in their right mind would pay for.

I pray every night that the new show "666 Park Avenue" is going to be like a modern day take on "227" but there's a good chance I'm going to be disappointed. Mercedes Masohn and Robert Buckley have just been added to the cast for the show that focuses on a couple who tend to an apartment building that houses a group of people who have made deals with the devil. I don't see how a Jackée type character could work into that but let's keep hope alive.

It's a slow day and all I can think about is how angry the Hulk would be if he had to work with me. So here's some news about "Prometheus" being released in IMax. You're welcome.

In Real People News: 

Scratch that. Having to sit up at night and worry that this guy from Oklahoma screwing your pigs is a lot worse. I think.

As if dropping dead isn't bad enough now you going to worry about guys like this sicko in Ohio diddling your corpse in the funeral home? It just never ends does it.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 24th, 2010

Wes Craven is a busy man this month! Rogue Pictures has announced that they will release his next film "My Soul to Take" on October 29th. Here's hoping that grand master Wes can give us horror fans a better Halloween treat than 'Yet Another Saw Movie'.

Lars von Trier has let it be known that he will next be visiting the end of the world with his apocalyptic thriller "Melancholia". Few details are certain at this time but early rumors claim that the movie will involve Earth colliding with another planet. So far, there has been no mention on whether or no Willem Dafoe's penis will make an appearance or not.

"Alice in Wonderland" scribe Linda Wolverton is working on a live action "Maleficent" screen play. If you're currently scratching your head, Maleficent is the evil queen from Disney's 1956 classic "Sleeping Beauty". Even stranger, Tim Burton is said to have taken keen interest in the project and may be lining up to direct.

After finally un-wedging his bulk from the seats of Soutwest Air, Kevin Smith lets it be known via his twitter account that they are finally ready to begin on "Red State". From Smith, "Looks like we start shooting this July. Took nearly three years, but we're finally ready to roll on Red".

In Real People News: 

A 62 year old Hong Kong man was fed up with life, and poor health decided to take his life in what he claimed were the ancient ways of his ancestors; by shoving a large zucchini into his rectum. His daughter was surprised when she came home to find him writing in pain on the floor, bleeding from the anus.

Cheaters never win and sore losers are never fun. Sometimes, people are just better than you. Frustrated after getting 'pwned' in Counter Strike at a local net cafe, a swearing gamer stabbed his 17 year old opponent in the head with a large kitchen knife when he suspected the 17 year old was cheating. "IM IN UR BASE, STABBIN UR DOODS"

On this day in history: 

1973 - Lou Reed is bitten in the ass by a rabid fan while onstage in Buffalo.

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