Horror Headlines: Friday April 15th, 2011

I fancy myself a sarcastic prick but honestly there's nothing but magic in this little tidbit. Sony Pictures Animation has picked up the rights to the book "How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack" and one Mr. Robert Zemeckis has signed on to producer the big screen adaptation. What better news? Reportedly the gnome slasher is going to be rated R. Mother of god are they handing out puppies at Port Authority today too?!

Comedian Patton Oswalt has signed on to the ever growing cast of "Odd Thomas" that already includes Anton Yelchin, Willem Dafoe and Addison Timlin. This also makes him the second name I recognize, the third I've seen nude and the first I'd like to sit down for a lovely lunch as Cici's with. That Timlin looks like she'd hog all the mac n cheese pizza, and that's Joe's favorite!

Paul Soter from the Broken Lizard comedy troupe that brought you "Beerfest" and "Super Troopers" is taking on the writing role for the upcoming film "Dr. Deth with Kip and Muffy". The movie, which apparently is based on some sort of comic book, tells the story of the good doctor and his two female partners who are the only hope against the cannibalistic mutants that run ramped in a post apocalyptic New Jersey. Insert your stupid Jersey Shore, Jersey smells or Jersey sucks jokes here. Then come to my house in New Jersey so I can punch you in the face and scatter your teeth upon this kick ass New Jersey soil.

Apparently "Hatchet 3" was announced a while back but I'm honestly not sure if I missed the news or just blacked out and erased the memory. But as details are released there's no denying it anymore. According to franchise creator Adam Green he's not sure he'll be writing or directing the third installment. He does intend for Danielle Harris' character to return, but is unsure if she'll sign on to the role. This isn't really news is it. He honestly could of said he intends the film to feature images that will somehow cure Polio but he can't confirm that either. I can't wait for this to drag on for at least a year.

In Real People News: 

A 20 year old Oklahoma City women is being brought up on charges after she disemboweled a cat, mutilated the eyes and put the liver in a makeup box. Why would she do this? Because she was making an outfit for a Lady Gaga concert of course! I hate Lady Gaga and cats so this one is kind of a win win.

A extra credit class at La Salle University in Philadelphia was cut short by the dean after he caught wind of strippers being used to explain business ethics. I have no idea how that could possibly work but I do not it is wrong to try to shove loose change into a g-string. So I assume the lesson had something to do with that.

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