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Horror Headlines: Monday, August 29th, 2011

Remember when Lars von Trier was just a guy who directed movies where people got bashed in the genitals with a ball-peen hammer? Now he's gone all Anti-Semite. I have absolutely no idea what that has to do with the new UK trailer for his film "Melancholia" but I thought it was a clever intro to the news. I thought wrong didn't I.

Remember the US remake of "Ju-on" AKA "The Grudge" a few years back with that broad from Buffy? No? It doesn't matter because they're making another one. For those of you not familiar with the film it focuses on a house that is all haunted and spooky and eff's with anyone who enters it. I can't imagine this one will be good either but I think 1 or 2 more versions of it and they'll really have something decent going on.

Who doesn't have a crush on Brad Pitt? No one. No one that's who! If you say you don't have a crush on Brad Pitt then you are a god damn liar. Anyway here's a bunch of stills from Sir Sexy battling Zombies on the set of "World War Z". I like it because I can be all, "Oh hey I love Zombie movies. Wait is that Brad Pitt? Well sure I'll watch this I guess. I mean I love zombies movies and stuff. Jeez it's not like I have crush on Brad Pitt or something. Get off my back!"

It looks like "Hatchet 3" has a director but it also looks like creator Adam Green is playing coy with details on who it is. Because ya know, everyone's chomping at the bit to know who's going to be taking the lead on "Hatchet 3". Just the other day I was on the bus and this young child was asking her mother, "Mommy, when will we know who is directing 'Hatchet 3?'' And then the young mother burst into tears because she didn't know. It was heartbreaking. I think at this point it's pretty obvious that I'm drunk.

In Real People News: 

You know how it goes. You break into one house and take a pair of ladies underthings and the next thing you know your father is calling the cops on you because he's discovered a duffel bag full of 66 pairs of women's panties. All kidding aside, who else is uncomfortable with my using the word "panties" in a post? I know I am.

"A" for effort to this guy who crashed a stolen semi truck into a porn shop and ran off with $800 worth of goods. "F" for not getting away with it though. Who pays for porn anymore? Even the library has the internet these days.

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