true blood

Horror Headlines: Friday July 31st, 2009

Before I woke up to write this, I was having a dream that Prince and I were on the run from Leather face. Even more disturbing, I woke up with a boner. What do you think that means?

Ridley Scott, one of the most overrated directors of all time—yeah, I said it—has signed on to direct the prequel to “Alien”. The original movie made him famous and allowed him to direct such “classics” as “Legend” and “White Squall”. Even though writer Jon Spaihts is currently writing the screenplay, I've used my crystal ball, nicknamed “common sense”, and read the screenplay already: spaceship encounters the alien, alien gets into the ducts, the lights go out, the spaceship's inhabitants are offed one by one and a lone woman survivor takes him down. There, I saved you $10, two hours and countless wasted high hopes.

HBO's “True Blood”, or, as it really should be called, “Twilight for Adults”, has been renewed for a third season. That's at least six more weeks of shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies for the ladies!!!

Geez, it's been a while since we've heard anything from director Uwe Boll, hasn't it? Boll, one of the most underrated directors of all time, and better than Ridley Scott—yeah, I said it—has a new film in the works called “Rampage”, that looks like a deadly serious version of “Postal”, and we all know how much I loved “Postal”. Still, with Boll doing original material, doesn't it make you wistful for the good ol' days when he was just doing one video game adaptation after another? If there was ever a director to make a movie called “Minesweeper”, it would have been him.

In Real People News: 

The robots have started their war against man, as witnessed in Sweden. The robot, used to lift heavy rocks, was inexplicably dressed as Yul Brenner in a cowboy outfit. That just seems like they are asking for trouble, if you ask me.

Google engineering “genius” Sasha Blair-Goldensohn was struck in the head by a rotting tree branch while strolling in Central Park, sending him into a coma. I looked up the term “dumb luck” on Google, and was immediately presented with a picture of two dragons screwing a muscle car. So thanks for all your work, Sasha!

According to a study by the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, when you buy organic food, all you're doing is paying a higher price for the phrase “organic” . What the study failed to mention is that they're also paying for that smug sense of self-satisfaction as they are loading their eco-bags into their Prius. This, combined with the news that kombucha tea not only has no proven effects, but can also cause lead poisoning, and we'll have the Newell brothers back into women anyday now. Keep hope alive!

Thanks for joining me for this week's Fowler Friday! Until next week, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars!!!

On this day in history: 

1969: The San Francisco Chronicle, the Examiner, and the Vallejo Times-Herald receive nearly identical letters from the Zodiac Killer. Specific details are given about recent murder scenes, along with the demand that a "cipher" be printed on on the front page of the papers.

True Blood Beverage In A Store Near You

The "Tru Blood" synthetic blood beverage ads I saw around New York City in 2008 were a pleasingly prankish campaign for the then-new show. I like media that puts a little faith in people to figure it out and look things up. In true fiction-conquers-reality fashion, however, the beverage from the show will soon be in your local store. It won't be synthetic blood, which is sad for wanna-be vampires but good for those of us with taste buds and a gag reflex. From the site:

...Enliven yourself with this uniquely carbonated, slightly tart, lightly sweet blood orange drink.

"True Blood" Comic-Con Preview Trailer

HBO showed up to the recent San Diego Comic Con with guns blazing over their hit series "True Blood". With one season in the can and six episodes into season two, they are going on a full out media blitz for the remainder of season two.

"True Blood" Viral: World's Greatest Pet Bloopers

Continuing their series of cheesy Shape Shifter centric viral vids, the "True Blood" team has released the latest, from Yorkie to Porky.

"True Blood" Reveals Shapeshifters for Season 2

Showtime's hit vampire series "True Blood" kicks off Season Two this Sunday, June 14th and with it comes promises of more supernatural killers including shape shifters, werewolves and more! Oh my! To help kick off the premiere of the second season, they have released a series of viral vids giving a taste of what's to come.

First up, a cautionary tale about shapeshifters and seeing eye dogs:

Horror Headlines: Friday May 15th, 2009

The official website for the Del Toro-Produced "The Strain", some type of vague vampire film that we don't have a lot of details on yet. Someone let me know at what point we get annoyed that he's got 20 projects going right now but he's not currently directing anything. I always jump the gun on these things.

The teaser poster for "Sorority Row", the remake of the early 80's film "House on Sorority Row". Check it at the link.

New "True Blood" poster. Nope... still don't think Anna Paquin is attractive... sorry, guys.

A crapload of new stills from "Blood: The Last vampire". Blah Blah Blah Japanese School girl who fights vampires.

Warner Bro's snags a movie deal for the SyFy show "Primeval", which is about "ferocious prehistoric and futuristic creatures that appear through wormhole time portals, and a covert team headed by an evolutionary scientist tries to close the doors and quietly thwart the creatures". I haven't seen this show yet, but it sounds like they just mashed up every SyFy feature film ever into a TV show. Anyone a fan?

In Real People News: 

If only that guy who yelled out the now infamous line "don't tase me bro!" had a 1 year old child to block the taser with, like this lady, maybe we'd all have bought and then thrown out T-shirts with "don't tase my baby, bro!" instead.

Vinnie Jones goes to trial for assault charges stemming from a bar brawl that took place in South Dakota last year. That's so surprising. He really seemed like a big teddy bear when he was running around bashing people's heads in during "Midnight Meat Train".

On this day in history: 

1991: Alan Cooper stands trial in England for "committing a lewd, obscene, and disgusting act on the 12-foot dolphin called Freddie as they frolicked for 20 minutes off the harbor mouth at Amble, Northumberland." Cooper responds by claiming that his accuser was a sworn enemy and had trained dolphins for a movie to jump out of the water and tear off a woman's bikini bra. He is eventually acquitted of masturbating the cetacean.

True Blood Season 2 Trailer

Today HBO released the trailer for "True Blood" Season 2, their Anna Paquin starring vampire series. Last season left off on a cliff-hanger and drew tons of interest. Judging from this, Season 2 looks to be promising as well! The addition of Evan Rachel Wood as a vampire queen will certainly help matters.

"True Blood" returns for the new season on HBO on Sunday, June 14 at 9pm ET. "True Blood" Season One will be available on DVD, Blu-Ray and digital download on Tuesday, May 19. The soundtrack will also hit on May 19.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 28th, 2009

Megan Fox in a Corset on the set of "Jonah Hex". Yes please.

David R. Ellis to bring us "Humpty Dumpty". The new film by the "Final Destination 2" and "FD: Deathtrip 3D" director is about: "a half-human, half alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the deep South." Oh, it will also be in 3D, so there's that.

Ving Rhames gets cast in "Piranha 3D", pretty much ensuring at some point a fish will get blasted with a shotgun. Good times.

Ridley Scott considering a return to the "Alien" franchise? I suppose the chances are slim that he'd get a sequel greenlit, but even if it's a remake I suppose the original director is the one you'd want on board.

Evan Rachel Wood joins "True Blood", I start to think perhaps there's a reason I should be watching this show. Hmmmm....

The rest of the episodes of "Harper's Island" will run on Saturdays at 9:00pm on CBS. They've all but given up on the show being a ratings success, but since the episodes were already produced they figured they should let it run out. Saturdays are typically filled with reruns for most networks anyways, so there's no real loss for them shifting to that night. Apparently the show was going to be canceled outright, but it was significant DVR ratings that saved it from the ax.

In Real People News: 

I would imagine you have to really love someone in order to have dumpster sex with them. Now THAT'S passion.

Man cuts off finger and eats it to protest about unpaid wages. Methinks that might make it a little harder to do the job he's protesting about in the first place, no?

On this day in history: 

1945: Italian dictator Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are captured by partisan fighters and executed.

Horror Headlines: April 20th, 2009

Rumor has it that FOX Atomic, Fox's genre wing responsible for pictures such as "The Hills Have Eyes 2", "28 Weeks Later" and "Turistas", will be shut down next week. No word on how this may affect "Jennifer's Body", Diablo Cody's new film which was produced under the banner.

"True Blood" Season 2 teaser poster. And here I am continuing to report on it despite our readers telling me they're not interested. Yes, I am dense. It's also a slow news day, so bear with me.

Eli Roth's out talking more about "Thanksgiving" after the announcement last week that he would like to piggyback it onto a bigger budget film of his. This time he says he's writing it with his longtime friend Jeff Rendell, who will also play "The Pilgrim".

According to Patrick Lussier, there will be no "My Bloody Valentine 3D" sequel. That comes from Lions Gate, who were surprised at the film's BO success but not too jazzed about greenlighting a second go-round. The film is plenty open-ended for them to have done one, but apparently they're calling it a day with this potential franchise. "MBV3D" hits DVD and Blu-ray May 19th.

In Real People News: 

9-year-old kid dies in Brooklyn after going up to the top of his roof with a plastic parachute, and taking a swan-dive off of it. His parents said he was imitating Jeff Hardy of the WWE, and that it was a "game he played all the time".

Here's a new one, female teacher gets fired for taking 4 students to an all male strip club. You always hear about creepy guy teachers doing stuff like this, it's nice to see the women getting in on the "questionable decision" game. Now that's equality!

On this day in history: 

1979: President Jimmy Carter is attacked by a Killer Swamp Rabbit, while on vacation in Plains GA. The rabbit swam menacingly towards him, and he had to repel the ferocious creature with a paddle. There were no injuries. That's what happens when you elect a President from the South, folks.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 31st, 2009

It took me a while, but I'm officially back from the dead (and the Philadelphia airport), and I'm here to bring you today's horror news!

Here's an image of Michael Myers walking through Haddonfield. It's sort of mysterioso I guess, but Zombie is seriously testing my ability to post stuff about his "Halloween" sequel every single day. Will it let up after they're done shooting in Georgia? Let's hope so, because I'm about ready to go cold turkey on "H2" news.

MTV claims that the comic book XXXombies is coming to the big screen. What is XXXombies about you might ask? Why, zombies fighting porn stars, what else?

Bill Hader will star in Judd Apatow's slasher flick "House of Joel". Somehow I love all three of those things, but when you put them together in once sentence it makes me supremely uncomfortable. Go figure.

First images from the second season of "True Blood" on HBO. Even though every one of our commenters tells me it sucked and they stopped watching, it appears that there are still some people out there interested in this show. I just can't seem to find them.

In Real People News: 

Not sure if I really care about seeing video of the Vice President's daughter snorting cocaine. I'm kind of intrigued by the description of her stumbling around and complaining that the line wasn't long enough though. That girl's a trooper!

The parents of a dead girl recently received a letter from her high school demanding she improve her attendance record. "Alright", her parents said, "but it's not going to be pleasant for anybody."

I would imagine a police officers' convention is not quite as fun as a horror con... additionally, it's probably a lot harder to rob, but that didn't stop someone from trying recently.

On this day in history: 

1996: During a homebrew exorcism in Rhode Island, a man accidentally punctures the esophagus of his mother-in-law when he jams two pointy steel crucifixes down her throat, causing a large quantity of blood to gush out. Mario Garcia is later charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

In which we try to make sense of "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"...

Podcast

This week we discuss The Cure in movie form...

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web