the toolbox murders

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 10th, 2011

Your prayers have been answered my friends. A sequel to Tobe Hooper's 2004 remake of "The Toolbox Murders" is finally being made. The film titled "TBK - The Toolbox Murders 2" picks up right where the last film left off and I'm guessing involves a toolbox. Or maybe it takes places at this bar I went to one time called The Toolbox. But now I've said too much.

Movies about video games are usually pretty bad. So are remakes. But a remake of a video game movie? No way this can fail! Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to tell you that "Doom" is being remade. What could make this news better you might ask? What if I were to tell you that it's going to be in 3D? I'm sorry for just making you crap your pants with excitement but I'm sure you'll agree that it was worth it.

Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter have been cast in Roger Corman's next film titled "Piranhaconda". The movie is obviously about a half piranha half anaconda that runs amok all over the place. According to everything I've read the movie will premier on Syfy sometimes in early 2012 but that can't be right, this has to be getting a wide release.

Brazilian actor Jose Padilha has been cast as the villian in Neill Blomkamp's next film titled "Elysium". The movie is Bloomkamp's first release since his much loved "District 9" and if I'm a betting man will feature a lot more waxing. Cause ya know, this Jose guy is Brazilian... They wax a lot? They can't all be zingers folks!

In Real People News: 

A 54 year old Connecticut woman is being brought up on charges after she reportedly forced her adopted son to sleep in a dog cage because he kept wetting the bed. The obvious question you have to ask is where did the dog go? Into the bed? And if the dog can go a entire night without wetting a bed and the kid can't did she really do anything wrong?

Two women in Pennsylvania were convicted of stealing two Wal-Mart gift cards from a 9 year old girl this past week. They were sentenced to sitting outside of the courthouse for almost 5 hours holding giant signs explaining their crime. When I was 13 I shoplifted some "90210" trading cards because I thought it was funny. Now more than ever I thank God I never got caught.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Guillermo Del Toro discusses his inspiration for his "Strain" trilogy of vampire novels, the first of which is due to hit bookshelves on Junes 2nd.

Robert Downey JR wants to play Edgar Allen Poe in a script written by Sylvester Stallone. I know, I thought he was off drugs too, this is so sad. (JOKE, people)

So, we decided the other day that this new Filmax flick "Paintball" has a cool trailer, but was really playing the paintball schtick up way too much for me to take it seriously. As you can see though, they've really kept it classy with the poster. UGH.

Adam Green is hoping he'll get to shoot "Hatchet 2" next winter. Nothing is set in stone yet, but the idea and the interest is there, now it's just all about the pieces coming together. I for one would definitely watch if Green were to turn out another hilarious slasher in this series.

Speaking of interesting, if not totally amazing slasher films, it turns out that there's a Tobe Hooper-less sequel to his "Toolbox Murders" remake currently in the works. This one promises to "rise far above the last Toolbox". Guess we'll see.

Joe Dante won't ever write or direct a "Gremlins 3", although he does see it happening at some point in the future (just without him, apparently). He also says he thinks the guys who made that infamous "fan film" should be responsible for another sequel, and that he's currently working on two spectacular Blurays of the original films.

In Real People News: 

Cult leader and convicted pedophile escapes prison via helicopter. I take back what I said about the prison escape scene in last year's "Prom Night", this story actually makes that realistic in comparison.

Moral of this story, you don't want to ever meet the man who can take repeated taserings and still come up shooting. If you do, he's probably going to kill the shit out of you, just because he can.

Here's a way to get back at your father for all those chores you had to do when you were a kid... how about cut out his pacemaker with a pocket knife? I kid, of course, but the story at the link proves that it's actually possible to do such a thing. Read at your own risk.

On this day in history: 

1945: With Allied forces closing in on Berlin, Adolf Hitler marries Eva Braun in their fortified bunker. They kill themselves the following day.

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