Ryan Reynold

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 22nd, 2013

Platinum Dunes always reminds me of a cheesy porn company name. Then it reminds me of Michael Bay. Then it reminds me of how much of a prick Michael Bay is. Then it reminds me that "Bad Boys" 1 and 2 are pretty awesome so he isn't all bad. Then it reminds me that I'm suppose to be talking about "Almanac", a new time travel found footage flick that the Dune boys are going to be producing. Then it reminds me that sometimes I ramble on about nothing at all. I like jelly beans.

If you've seen the trailer for "The Purge" then you're probably just as giddy with excitement as I am. Unless you're some sort of jerk who doesn't enjoy watching a movie about a family trying to survive the one night a year when there are no laws. See how I worked in the plot there? Well you're going to have to wait an extra week because the film's release date has been pushed from May 31st to June 7th. That should give you an extra week to try to fit into that new swimsuit you just bought. Oh you, you look good in everything.

Gemma Arterton and Anna Kendrick have both been added to the cast of "The Voices", a new supernatural flick staring Ryan Reynolds. In the film Reynolds plays a factory worker who accidentally kills an attractive woman and starts to take advice on how to cover his tracks from his cat and dog. Wait no that can't be right. Alright who slipped me peyote again!?

"Hatchet 3" is set to hit DVD and Blu-Ray on August 13. We're three films in, I've run out of sarcastic comments to make about these movies. Just make up your own from now on.

In Real People News: 

A 22 year old Florida woman is under arrest after she reportedly yanked her boyfriend's penis in a violent manner after an argument. You can probably make your own jokes here really.

Ever heard the saying, "Who pissed in your coffee"? No me either but if you had the answer would be "this 16 year old kid in Montana and now he's going to jail for it".

Horror Headlines: Tuesday September 27th, 2011

We're just a little over a week away from the premiere of "American Horror Story" on FX and I'm not going to lie I'm a little bit excited. Well, let's say I'm as excited as I can get after seeing the new artwork for the show, which looks like a mix between the Russian Circus and a Nine Inch Nails concert from 20 years ago. Ya know... classy, in a rubber suit sort of way.

Tobias Segal, who I don't know but hate because his name is Tobias, has joined Ryan Reynolds , Kevin Bacon and Jeff Bridges in the cast of "R.I.P.D.", a new flick that follows two undead cops trying to solve the case of a serial killer. No word yet as to what Tobias will be playing in the film but based on name a lone I'm guessing a chimney sweep or a paper boy with a heart of gold.

Maybe I'm losing my edge but I think "Paranormal Activity 3" might be kind of good. The trailer creeped me out and today there's a clip from the film that equality creeped me out. The entire clip also takes place on a giant flat screen TV so if you listen to podcast will know that fact will drive Eric insane, which is nice. Maybe I'm just focusing my anger on those around me rather than some director in Hollywood I've never met. Let's explore each other.

The creators of "Six Degrees of Hell" are calling it next year's scariest movie and today we know why because of a new teaser. Why is the new haunted house flick so frightening? Well because Cory Feldman is in it and it and it looks like they bleached his hair for the role and as we all know that can do some serious damage to your roots. Permanent root damage is the most frightening thing in the world!

In Real People News: 

This old guy from Kentucky is awesome! He attacked his neighbor with a coffee cup because he was staring at him. No joke! You ever been in the mall and there's some weirdo looking at you and you just want to go bash his head in with a coffee cup? This 79 year old guy did that! I want to hang out with him.

A few years back my wife and I had to stop playing Monopoly together because on more than one occasion we almost came to blows. If you're not going to sell any property then what the hell are you playing the game for?! But here's a guy who took it one step further and choked the crap out of his wife during a heated game of Yahtzee. While I can't condone this behavior I can say I understand. And that I condone it. Wait, no!

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