ritual

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 8th, 2013

Viral videos are always fun. Here's one to promote this weekend's "Carrie" release where a girl in a coffee shop makes a bunch of crap move and freaks out everyone in the store. It's funny because people who go to coffee shops are obnoxious usually and it's fun when bad things happen to them. Except if someone pulled this crap in my Starbucks when I'm there. Joey needs his big boy coffee to make the grumpies go away.

Do people watch horror movies on New Year's Eve? I mean I guess some people have to right? You get all your friends together and talk about how lame Dick Clark is and then you watch some god awful horror movie you all make fun of. You think you're so cool don't you! I ask because After Dark's "Ritual" has just been slapped with a December 31st release date on VOD and I'm wondering if anyone will watch the film, which follows a former couple as they try to escape a satanic cult. How do you hate Dick Clark? He's a god damn American treasure. And he's dead. You're a real sicko jag off you know that?

Much like "Breaking Bad" and anything Joss Whedon has created for TV I refuse to watch "Dr. Who" because I find it annoying how much people talk about it. But I'm sure all the boys and girls are going to go ape doodie over the fact that the show's star, or former star I guess, Matt Smith will be playing the role of Patrick Bateman in the upcoming "American Psycho" musical that's coming to London this December. No word on if or when the show will find its way to the US but you have to figure it will and you have to figure it will be better. Because America is awesome and drinking tea is stupid.

Just because you can shoot a movie on your iPhone doesn't mean you should. Just like because you can travel to Barcelona doesn't mean you should either. But here's the trailer for "Hooked Up", the first horror film shot entirely on the iPhone. It's about two guys who head to Barcelona looking to find fun and some easy ladies but find themselves trapped in a house with all kinds of bad mojo going on. It looks like it was shot on an iPhone and I will not be able to get the image of 300 pricks standing around an Apple store not buying anything when I watch it.

In Real People News: 

The most perfect letter to leave your neighbor if you've heard him having sex all night. Enjoy.

Snakes in tiny top hats and mustaches. What the hell is wrong with people? Feel free to insert your own Schnaars joke here.

Horror By the Sub-Genres: VOODOO ZOMBIE HORROR

It’s hard to argue that there could be an iconic horror figure that is currently more popular than the zombie. From film to television to comics, the living dead have done to popular culture what they do to human flesh: they have devoured en masse and made converts of us all. The ultimate irony, of course, is that the creatures that populate these movies and shows that we love so much aren’t actually zombies at all.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 8th, 2013

Let's not get into why it's been so long since I posted the news. Let's just be happy that I'm back and plan for the next time I disappear for two weeks. Maybe start stocking up on Hot Pockets. Those are fun and help to pass the time.

The folks over at Lionsgate have picked up the US distribution rights to "Ritual", a new flick about a fella who finds his ex wife has murdered a stranger who happens to be connected to a dangerous cult. Semi-new director Mickey Keating leads this one and while there's no word on a release date the other territories will go up on the auction block next month at Cannes. I plan on picking up the rights to Guam. Gotta make that chedda.

Susan Surandon and Topher Grace would make the world's creepiest couple and the thought of them making love makes me throw up a little in my mouth but the good news here is that both of them have been confirmed for the cast of "The Calling" and not confirmed to be bumping uglies. The duo will play detectives who are on the hunt for a serial killer who's targeting the mentally ill. I bet their children would be adorable though. You can't argue that.

Sally Hawkins, who apparently is no relation to the smart guy in the wheelchair, is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming "Godzilla" reboot. No word on what role she'll play but since she's British I assume she'll play a British doctor or maybe a British police officer. Or any of those roles without a British accent. Really I have no idea here.

"Pro-Wrestlers Vs. Zombies" is a real thing and the trailer looks a lot worse than you would expect. That's saying a lot I know.

In Real People News: 

A 64 year old woman is in hot water after she poured superglue in the eyes and ears of her 58 year old roommate. I think this was on that Betty White show right? Old people are so funny when they do zany stuff.

A Pennsylvania man is under arrest after he set his ex-girlfriends car on fire and emailed 400 of her college classmates nude photos of herself. I wonder which one she was madder about. I bet it was the nude photos thing. Unless she had a really nice car. Like a Neon or something. You can't replace those you know.

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