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Forest Whitaker and 50 Cent will play “intense” dueling personalities in the umpteenth retelling of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, according to MTV. This makes me a bit mad because they both turned down my cop movie “Lazy Eye and Mumble Mouth: NYPD” to do it.

After he's done with “Alice in CGI-land”, Tim Burton's next movie will be a remake/retelling/reimagining of the 1960s cult vampire soap opera “Dark Shadows”. Let's place bets now that Johnny Depp is in it. Is it just me or is Tim Burton out of ideas? When he's not destroying the Ozone Layer applying copious amounts of Aquanet to his Robert Smith-like coif, I think that he's too busy rolling around naked in piles of money made off the fleshy backs of 30-year-old women who's wardrobe mainly consists of “Nightmare Before Christmas” hoodies to come up with anything original ever again. Seriously ladies, it's called TJ Maxx. Get yourself a nice pantsuit, on me.

Swarthy homunculus Danny DeVito, taking a break from banging that hot piece of ass known as Rhea Perlman, has started an original horror film website called “The Blood Factory”. Danny DeVito? Are they “short” films? Hahahahahaha...oh, wait, they are. I give the website a year, but, then again, that's what I said about Ted Danson's “Becker”, and that lasted at least three years, two of them HILARIOUS.

I don't know why it hasn't been pimped here, but how about you do yourself a favor and download “Who Wants a Tortilla?”, a joint project between BGH and Night of the Living Podcast, starring me and Chiz, and filmed at last spring's HorrorHound Weekend! We make Tom Savini uncomfortable!